Unencumbered Side of Me

mood swings

2010-07-01T20:48:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving to Jakarta tonight and I'm not even a bit excited; I can't even finish packing up but instead, I'm writing my blog. Two months ago I was like so damn happy when my cousin and I were booking the tickets, "Shopping Spree!!!", was all in my head. I was never been out of the country just for the holidays without my parents around.. the holidays I spend in here is not counted because I'm practically based here.

But today when I woke up, it's like a demon of excitement just snatched away all my strength to be happy..I don't even wanna go now. This sucks, I can't go like this. Will I get a refund if I cancel the flight? Nah, my cousin, Janna, will be so worried if I don't come along..it's like she's gonna be all emotional and blaming herself for whatever reasons she can come up with.

I hate this.

Does this happen to just me? I don't think so. But my pathetic mood swings happen in a really bad timing! When I'm supposed to be ecstatic, I'm apparently the opposite. Like when a close friend of mine left for the holidays to her country and I really did miss her when she was away. She surprised us of popping out of our door with the gifts and all - she was like Santa. But then, I was the least happiest. It's like someone just pushed the unhappy button when I was supposed to be the other way around.

I need a therapist. Seriously.

But in the mean time, I gotta finish packing now. :)

A call for a third World War

2010-04-19T01:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I never thought I was a bad student until I entered IIUM. The whole adjusting thing sucked but I have good friends to guide me. However, I was bad at decision making that I made a fool of myself, I thought I can make it, long enough for the results to come out in a calculated data base of the CFS records. I was so dead. I knew it even before the written proof was printed in front of me and I really regret everything that I've done. And so I told my parents. I guess that was the main reason why I was called back home. My parents are more than willing to send me money to go back than the previous year. And I know exactly what's in their heads: that I needed fixing.

I failed my parents and I deserved to be nagged or whatever punishment they'll throw at me, I don't really care. But instead, they were glad I was back and pretended like nothing happened. I would have been more than happy, I'd be ecstatic that they understood my situation, but No, the truth came out all of a sudden. My mother thinks I'm a rotten idiot who can't make things right. My younger sister, Hanie, told me about this after I called last night. Mother certainly don't know what she's talking about. She was never around. She wasn't here on my first day in college. She wasn't the one who tips about sleepless nights during my stressing exams. She was even making a big deal of me going to Malaysia to study even if I got the scholarship, which was her condition in the first place: I go when I get it, and I did. She was half-hearted about it. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother. She gave birth of me, of course, the last thing I would do is to hate her. But the way she makes me feel guilty about something, something I didn't even mean of doing, is just really unfair. I never meant to screw things up with school. I can't believe she was more dramatic about this than me. I mean, I was left behind. My batch mates are doing their first year already when I was imprisoned on my very own careless mistake. Shouldn't she be the one..I dunno, helping me out. What's done was done. I can never bring it back.

Last night I called that I'm going home this May. Well, I guess not. I changed my mind. Until she doesn't take back whatever she said, I'm not coming home. Not in a million years, if that's how long it takes for Mother to realize that she didn't give birth to a girl with the perfect DNA.

flower fairies everyone! :)

2010-04-07T20:23:00.000-07:00

Adorable flower fairies! They're just too cute! :)

A flood of awkwardness

2010-04-03T01:53:00.000-07:00

Maybe I was wrong for one thing: it's still not easy to bump into my ex after our unthinkable break up. I thought after that very confusing night when we split up that I'll be bumping into him (of course, because we're from the same course), my chin high, acting as normal as ever. But no (strike one), whenever I see him (every where, literally), I don't know what kind of stiffening thing got into me that my eyes block any other object near him, making me feel like an idiot. He looks back, of course, much more of a pretense that he didn't see me,and then walks away - just like that. Why do we have to end up like this? We could be friends again if we only worked it out. But I actually liked the fact that I didn't have to see him before, but now I see him every now and that just makes things worse.

It'll be easier for me if he starts dating again, but no (strike two), he hasn't after all this time! It's been almost a year since we broke up and goodness, he's not that bad..how many girls are there in the whole IIU that he hasn't gone out with any of them? He can't probably be still waiting for me, that would be the being bullshit on earth. He's the one who lost faith in our not even close to blossoming past - just remembering these things makes me sick. I mean, seriously, we were best friends, I should have seen it coming that after the innocent hanging outs that eventually, he would ask me out as a date. I could have said I don't wanna go, but no (strike three), I went. ARGH. See how weak women could be? Then he said, situated in a park bench by the lake, that he really likes me. Likes. It's not even love. But I was surprised I was totally flattered, like I've been waiting for him to it say all along. And then...then...just when I was atop of my girlish fantasies, when I felt that I actually love him, we broke up after 2 months. I didn't even know if I was dumped or I dumped him. I was all a blur and all I know is that I don't want anything to do with him.

And now, he was passing by the library lobby when I was entering the reading section that I got alert of his presence suddenly. Thank God he didn't see me. But why can't I act normal? Why do I have to hide? It's getting into my nerves, really.

I went out of the library after some reading, finding Bakyt and his friend whose name I can't really pronounce. I was thinking if I should say hi, but I need not to because he just waved at me, calling me to join them. I haven't seen Bakyt for a while after we went out last time to catch Alice in Wonderland, which everyone thought was a date. But no (strike four), he's just a friend to me since we were in Nilai. He makes me feels better without being worried about attraction. I was never attracted to him, ok, I was a little but he was so adorable; I just can't like him that way. Anyways, we talked and talked, catching up with each other, laughing at silly things. I was laughing so hard, when Mashori came out of no where calling my name. Suddenly, I was choking or was I going to hyperventilate, I couldn't tell.

Anyways, he said he came out from the lib and he thought he saw me. Aaawwkkkwwaaarrddd. Ok, so yeah, how am I supposed to reply to that.. "yeah, you did see me..?" NO, of course not. So I just nodded. He asked me how I was like he didn't creepily held my hand at the cinema that time we watched the most boring movie of the season - I'm sorry but Confucius was so not the movie I would go out for. I mean, why did he hold my hand in the first place? He didn't call or text and then, taadah! He's in front of me, asking my well being. Wow, magical how guys could be so confusing.

I said I was fine politely, since this is how it's gonna be, better just play along with this shit. And did I just see him putting his right hand at back head? (Body Language 101: it means he's nervous) He's nervous? My ass. Save the nerve, buddy, I hate confusing guys. I introduced Bakyt and his friend, and I guess he can't bear the awkwardness too that he left right after that. "Take care of yourself, Olfa," he said nodding. Pppfffttt. Annoying.

Snap back to reality: I turned to Bakyt, mimicking my Tagalog convo with Mashori just now like a dying frog, and I burst out laughing again. At least I have Bakyt to balance things for me.

Video Editing - my new found talent

2010-03-27T00:15:00.000-07:00

Over the past 3 days of Hanna studying for the finals and me making her life miserable by bugging her with my annoying antics, she made face the computer and told me to talk to it.

Ouch.

But I did as I was told. I went downloading songs and videos, - which seriously takes a little longer than it should be per song 'cause people started having their own videos of their favorite songs, which I wouldn't mind only if it doesn't gets on my way of downloading the original videos - checking my email, updating everything that I have to update and editing videos - home videos to be exact.

And I was surprised how good I was in editing videos and putting music on each of them. You see, my family and friends have loads of videos taken from different occasions, and since I'm free - I love the word "free", not bored - I had a good idea: put a little more life on those already lively videos and maybe a some presentation. *laughs* I'm not being too proud or anything, but their actually good. I wonder if I could build a career on video editing one day. Oh wait, does that mean I have to live with computers, too? Maybe, not a career..perhaps, just a hobby.

Well, I'm sorry I can't post even one of the videos I edited as it's sort of personal and I respect my friends privacy.

Courtesy of Hanna trying to get rid of me. :)

Things I Do when Insomnia Keeps Me Awake

2010-03-22T11:11:00.000-07:00

Since I was at school, I tend tire myself out before coming back home. In that way, I won't be wide awake like an owl later at night. It's horrible, really, to have to be awake when everyone else is snoozing (I even envy the ones who snores). At 15, I was really convinced I'm an insomniac..not that I confirmed it from the doctors or something. But it happens most of the time that - trust me - you'd end up with same conclusion as well.

I've been wondering what causes insomnia and some sites say it's from stress, depression and some hormonal changes (for women)..and some say because of jet lag, genes, or worse, you temporarily stop breathing while you're sleeping. Wow, that last one freaked me out! *goosebumps* What if you don't breathe the rest of your sleep? (of course, you'd die, I know..it's a rhetorical question alright.) I guess, it was from stress, in my case, from my family's whole moving here and there thing. Thus, I was actually an insomniac, in a way.

And so I tried and tried things to sleep. It's like a good curse at the same time, you know. I get to do things I can't do when my parents are up or even my siblings. I get to a.) watch my choice of TV channel (though, I have to lower the volume and keep an eye on my parents's door every time), b.) eat (this is where "midnight snack" came into my system), c.) write on my journal (which I apparently, substituted with blogging now) and d.) of course, reading. I remember, reading to sleep since I was 15 using only the glow of my phone because I can't turn on the lights, made me short-sighted so early, unfortunately. But it was all worth it because among all things I do to sleep, reading is the best! Can imagine reading the most boring old English books on earth and I swear, you'd drop dead in no time!

Now, my whole "I-can't-sleep" drama is actually my choice. I mean, only studies can keep me yawning but the rest of activities are just too tempting to sleep on, like talking and talking till the sun's up, I didn't even how we could stand talking late at night but it was fun. I was with Nayzar in our study room, once, when my spoon on the bowl was tilted with the unusual "ting!" sound when it was impossible to be moved by not even the wind. We immediately suspected it was a ghost. I mean, seriously, we were the only pair in the room freakishly awake at that time. Who else would do a practical joke on us? We were so scared; we slept on the same bed that night - well, morning, actually.

Loads of things happen when I can't sleep or sometimes, I don't wanna sleep. But it can wait. For now, let me sleep. See you again, Insomnia! :)

This is gonna be a long day

2010-03-21T19:45:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 7:30am, Hanna's online, checking her mail and I slept again. When I woke up at 9, she went out or something..but she does that most of the time so I didn't bother to ask. So I started checking my e-mail, annoyed to find that all of them are just going to the trash. Guess no one wanted to send me something fruitful today. I'm still waiting for that frustrating college acceptance letter, though. :(

I slept back, well, who can blame me? I have nothing to do and it's just 9:15. I woke up again finding myself alone again...looking for things to do. Oh boy, this is gonna be a long day. God knows what will happen next.

Who said I hate classics?

2010-03-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not really a fan of classic books like Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" - though Mariam made me read the zombie version of it - and Charlotte Bronte's "Jane Eyre". You can just count the classic books I've read and so far, I've managed to read "Emma" by Jane Austen,though, only because I watched the movie first, - and I like Gweneth Paltrow - Anne Frank's "A Diary of a Girl" and "Emily Dickenson's Diary" by Emily Dickenson herself, which I've read ages ago.

But one of my all time favorite would be "Daddy Long Legs" by Jean Webster, 1912. It's about this girl named Jerusha "Judy" Abbott who grew up in an orphanage and got a full college scholarship to Lincoln Girls Memorial College, from a rich man who visited their orphanage. She writes him letters of her whereabouts at school, calling him "Daddy Long Legs" as she only saw his shadow from far that time he went to their orphanage. Her letters continued to be sent to her mysterious sponsor through her college life...she grew a desire to meet him one day, blinded by the fact that they knew each other all along.

I was swooning pathetically while reading through Jervis's ("Daddy Long Legs") words of confession of undying love for Judy. *laughs* O, enough the overwhelming romance. But yeah, this book is totally a must-read for those little romance-freaks out there! :)

what's in my head

2010-03-18T07:04:00.001-07:00

"Sometimes we need to look into the future and know that even when we think we've seen it all, life can still surprise us and we can still surprise ourselves, " from Gossip Girl season 2. It's actually a repost of mine from my Facebook shout out some weeks ago and I still like it. It's basically talking about even if how much we swear not to do something to whatever it is that we swore onto, we will still never know what will happen next. And thus, we might even end up what we were dreading to be. It's kind of moving, really. That's two thumbs up for GG season 2!

Funny because the quote was the reason why I actually made a friend watch Gossip Girl. The whole time, she thinks the series was just about urban luxuries and non-stop, intense making out and oh well, high fashion craze (my personal reason). But after hearing the quote, she considered watching the whole episode and got sweep off her feet.

I've watched the 3rd season already - can't wait to download the rest of it that's supposed to come this month. LOL. Ok, I know downloading is more like committing piracy, but come on..don't you dare suddenly come clean 'cause we both know you're a filthy download-er, too!

Til then peeps!

Thanks, but no thanks.

2010-03-17T22:20:00.000-07:00

It's sucks when I cause the problem everyone is facing. Well, not that I literally cause the problem, it's just that they're concern of me so much that they share my frustration, or more. And I'm not gonna let that happen to people I care about. It breaks my heart into pieces - I'd rather die on my own than having them fall with me. When I think about it, it's really sweet of them, probably the sweetest thing anyone have ever done for me. It's nice to have people who listen to you when you're down. Listening because they care, not to scoop a gossip or something. But really, if I'm just gonna make them miserable by just listening to me, trying to solve my unfathomable problem, then I'd rather have my mouth shut. It won't be easy, I know, but as long as I'm not hurting anyone else besides myself the better.

Sorry guys.. thanks, but no thanks.

the charming intros that back fired

2010-02-05T05:21:00.000-08:00

Whenever we're shy, we tend to sound boring or annoying just by not saying what we're thinking. We apologize to be humble but the more we tell people not to judge us, the more we lose their interst in knowing us. At the end, you just don't end up losing a potential friend, you feel pathetic as well.

Aplogizing before you start speaking is something that's got to be banned! It's not just irritating but showing how you feel inferior about yourself. Isn't it much easier to just introduce yourself and not give them the pre-assuumption that you are not worth the while?

There was this girl in my class who happened to be stuttering while in a presenation about Polygamy. Everyone got intereseted as the topic dictates about Muslim men marrying four wives. But her when she began with, " I'm sorry if my voice is bad, I just had a cold. I'm sorry if my slides are a bit this...and that...." And she spent the whole 15 minutes apologizing her ass off while we didn't wanna hear what she has to say about her report at all.

A girl posted an info in her facebook account saying:

"Nothing's interesting 'bout me.. i'm just a SWEET innocent girl..I love to laugh out loud, though I don’t look like the real thing.I love making people laugh, even if it making a fool of myself.:-D "

She really does look sweet in her profile photo but as she anounced that "nothing's interesting" about her makes you not wanna read whatever it is that she has to say.

Surely, there are a lot of these intros taht you totally know that are not so charming at all. I'll write some if I've encountered more. Til then...:)

stupid signs!

2009-11-06T01:26:00.000-08:00

So here's the deal. I was with my friend Hanna in her dorm's empty hall surfing the net and watching Gossip Girl's 3rd season episodes when the I realized it was already adzan. So I told her I'll go to the musolla first to pray, so we can take turn looking after the laptop we're sharing. I just so happen that even if it was my second time going in to her dorm's musolla, I'm still confused where to wudu'. I took the left side from the main door anyway, and since there isn't any sign, I took it as,"oh well, this is a girls' dormitory, anyway," and went in. They have mirrors there now, I thought.

I took my time staring at myself in the mirror when a deep voice cut me from almost reaching for the tap,"uhh, I guess you got it wrong. This is the male's side.." I turned to him in horror. OH MY GOD...my head is screaming in disbelief. "Oh, my bad!" is all I gathered, not wanting to see what was he doing or is he even dressed. I marched back to the door and he went like, "that's no problem," (my ass!).

Lesson learned.

No signs? You're not sure? Don't go in. :)

I'm just so tired

2009-10-22T12:17:00.000-07:00

Alam mo kung anong talang nakakapagod? Yung sa inaraw-araw na pagod at alala mo sa isang bagay,mapupunta lang sa wala. Yung tipong ginawa mo na ang lahat,di parin sapat.

Yun ang talagang nakakapagod. Di ko na kaya..parang sasabog na ang ulo ko! Napapagod na akong gawin ang lahat tapos hindi rin naman pala bubunga. Gusto ko nang umuwi..kalimutan ang lahat at magsimula sa simula nang walang nakakakilala sakin..

Scary? I'm not even there yet.

the big bang theory season 2!

2009-10-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

The only one and the most obvious reason why a show goes to another season showing is because it's a freaking hit! Check out "Big Bang Theory Season Two" and I'm telling you, you'll never find yourself dorkier than ever! *laughs*

The story goes around with Sheldon Cooper, Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz and Rajesh Koothrappali, some socially awkward scientists who happened to be friends with the hot girl next door, Penny. The theme is a sitcom about friendship, rejection and pride that was squeezed into a package of dorky wit and sarcasm.

I just love Sheldon Cooper!!!

Do me a favor, please watch it!

I'm done with Nilai! yay!

2009-10-07T21:08:00.000-07:00

Living in Nilai for some reasons would seem like a horror to all of you considering it's not that of an ideal youthful, urban environment what with all the horrible, abandoned buildings. But believe me, it was a whole lot of an exciting journey. Staying in Malaysia for a year and 8 months now, I've been continuously treasuring every moments. It's not everyday that you bump into an inspiring lecturer or an awesome set of company, ain't it? So might as well, put them on a treasure box that you can lean on when the world says, "you're not my favorite girl anymore!"

For all this time I've been asking myself why God sent me to this sad place. But if I didn't enter UIA in the first place, I would've regretted it. See, when I came to Malaysia on a Christmas eve of 2007, (when everyone was rejoicing about Christmas) I was celebrating for something else: "I'm away, far, far away.." Even if Philippines is just an ocean away, the word "away" sounded for profound, so delicate, so exciting! And yes, I loved the fact that I'm no longer bounded to stay at home with my mom telling me what to do, my sister giggling gossips over the phone, my brother making a mess of my hair and my dad (oh well, I miss my dad) with his lectures. It just feels so different. At the age 16, I was "away", and I kept on repeating it when I was aboard til I fall asleep.

But then, when I woke up from my very own girlish dreams, it wasn't that easy after all. I remembered Spider Man's uncle saying, "With great power, comes big responsibility." That is completely true. Behind all the pleasures from living on my own offers me: the taste of sweet independence and the decisions I need no one to choose for me, there is a big shadow of responsibility that awaits me...chases after me every time the selfish, irrational Olfa conquers me. Through these nightmares, I thought to myself, " I had mom next door asking if I was ok, if her baby girl is doing fine.." Now that I'm all grown up, almost a woman who claims she can do it all, I still cry for every night when I realize Mama is no longer next door and would call me baby girl. (to cheer me up, my dad would say, "honey, we're just a plane ticket away. It's not that far!" with a mocking laugh.)

Back to my point, it's never easy to pack up and tell the world, "I would a big catch one day," because life is not just about butterflies and lollipops. Whoah, don't get me wrong! It's good to be positive but people, think of circumstances after the huge daydream. Then, move your feet step by step and you wouldn't even realize your already there. However, remember the most vital apart, don't forget to look back to where you came from.

I've learn it the hard way, or shall I say the most effective way destiny wants to teach me. After the long day's work, I gathered a whole big pot of knowledge, amazing people I would remember forever, a stronger love for my family and the faith in Allah (which I figured was the hardest to find but the easiest to lose).

Then again, I'm just an 18-year-old girl, happy of hopping to her next level of independence - now with precautions, or course. To all I've shared my precious days in Nilai, it doesn't end just right there, baby. We have 4 more years, inshaallah. God bless! :P

saved by the baju kurung!

2009-09-09T00:18:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I was 50 minutes late to class just now and guess what? My lecturer was magically not bothered about it. All she uttered was, "Nice baju kurung! Where did you get that?"

Ok, I admit, that was really random knowing my lecturer never complimented me for anything for the past 4 months of being her student. But today was different. I came late for about 50 minutes to class because of this graduating students briefing session that took 30 minutes of my Math class. And then, I went to my room to pray and get my books that consumed..I don't know, 15 minutes and the last 5 minutes would be the walking since my blessed short legs couldn't get any faster than almost a meter per step. So yeah, I was late, big time! Since it's Math, nobody dares to come late so everyone stared at me in disbelief as I enter the room. Some looked like, "Why did you come? If I were you, I'd rather stay in my room," and "How can you get the lesson if you're this late?"

I didn't care. I went in with my politest 'assalamualaykum' and sat. Phew! The worst is over, I told myself. After class, she looked at my direction which means I really have to tell her why I'm freaking late. I got up and smiled pleasingly, hoping she would believe me because obviuosly, I wouldn't dare to lie in Ramadan. *chuckles* But to my surprise, she's still a woman who loves shoes ands clothes despite of being the strict Math lecturer we know. She went all like, "I like your baju kurung..."

Yeah, I smiled and politely told her my dress' details, but in my head I'm saying, "That was close."

I realize...

2009-09-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

When I got back from my one month and a week holiday in Philippines, my perspective in life changed. Well, I expect a change in the first place, but it didn’t occur to me that it would be bugging until now. I don’t think I’m being “emo” of what’s happening, because if I am, it wouldn’t surely drive me mad yet. So, what I mean by ‘my changed perspective’ is that, I think life is really short. When you’re at high school, when everyone seems to be doing whatever they want as they define it as being alive, you some sort of feel sorry for them, isn’t it? You think that they’re just trying to be cool – in a way yes – but actually, they are one of the wisest people on earth. Why? Simply because they know their existence is just once in a lifetime and that “it’s now or never”, as Bon Jovi defines life. I used to think that there would still be tomorrow for me undo my mistakes and start from scratch. But when I tripped on my own shoes on the second time, I don’t think life is as easy as I thought.

I’m sad about the fact that I’m not doing much on my last year of teenage life. I’m 18 now for goodness sake, and look at me, one of the most insignificant students in CFS who failed twice, yet not learning from her mistakes, and is now worried if she can still score a place in Gombak. I’m stuck in my own faults. Day by day I keep on realizing the things that I should’ve done earlier, like doing my workbook on time, having to choose the right shoe size instead of going for the style – basically, decision making problems. Time passed me by like a wind struck, and there goes my chance. And now, my biggest regret, I should’ve studied smarter if I really want to score to Gombak campus. After these things happened, I didn’t know that regret plays a big role in life. And it means everything if only we ponder on what God really wants us to realize.

God gave us the ability to think for us to choose which way we want to go. You see, that’s the problem with having to choose, it’s too much power. It gives us overwhelming power to get to rule ourselves that leads “big” responsibility. That’s why when god gifted us with brains, we got so flattered that we think carelessly of tomorrow and do anything we desire. But at the end of the day, two things are to be concluded, that our decisions could be either good or bad and whatever happens would always be 90% dependent on how we reacted on the situation. And the best example I could find would be I.

You see, I’m regretting my mistakes and I want to redo it fast as much as I wanted to accomplish a lot in life. What I’m lacking was the message God wanted me to understand. Let me tell you a short story to get into my whole point.

When we had the chance to choose which river we wanted to cross (with a boat. of course) to get to the camp’s summer house, I chose the shortest one because I didn’t want to waste my time just crossing a river. At that time, I felt smart. I mean, why would you want to sweat if you have the choice to spare yourself from it? I summed it up as wise, too, because if I get there faster, I would get to choose the nicest room in the summer house. But I wasn’t wise enough.

Those who chose the long river had more time to think about what they want to do after crossing it. They even had much time exchanging life stories along the way. When they got off the boat, they came beaming at me showing how much they enjoyed the ride. They weren’t even bothered which room they placed in as long as they’re with their best companions. Unlike me, I didn’t really have friends along the way because I was too busy being all competitive and smart. After the whole “sparing-myself-from-sweating” concept, I have nothing but my pretty but empty room. It’s the same as accomplishing nothing at all.

Let's call it a Day

2009-04-15T21:15:00.000-07:00

It's statistically proven based on the 2003 survey that 6 out of 10 Malaysians are mentally disturbed, in the other words, psycho. That word might sound harsh but if you were to be me yesterday in the KTM (together with your friends, of course. I won't let you go nuts alone!) that is just a metaphor, I'm telling you.

Let's rewind a bit before running to the "psycho" part. My friends and I have been planning of watching "Fast and Furious" in Mid Valley since last week (why Mid Valley? Because Nilai is just about the end of the world, get it?). But since we got our own lives to run, we never had the chance to watch it last week so we bet yesterday would be the perfect time. We dashed into this cab that takes only 4 people in one go - normally - but we insisted a person more. The Pakcik was kinda pissed off the fifth person but still went on til we reached 100 meters more to the KTM station. Turns out there's a check point in the middle of the road so the third person must get out or else the Pakcik will have to pay 300 bucks. And you what's worse? We didn't see it coming and Niro** had to out of the cab along the highway. The highway. Poor thing. He has to walk all the way by himself to the KTM while the Pakcik meanly took 10 bucks for the 5Th person's charge. Justice here. But since we insisted in the first place, it's still our fault.

We got into the train on time the latest train just arrived. Boredom really kills so we were just reading, listening to music and some are chatting about random stuffs. Then suddenly, (oh yeah here goes the "psychotic loser's part") there's this man with a laptop-less, laptop bag sitting after the next aisle bellowing really loudly over the phone like he owns the whole place. Me and Sandy** were laughing our head off, but then he quickly turned to our direction. We shut up for a while and then he started asking us weird questions that are not even related to him bellowing loudly, like "Why don't you let your hair out?" or "Why are you covering? You're limiting your beauty!" and some other crap like that. At first we were just laughing at the fact that he wasn't mad because we mocked him. He turned his head to our direction again, but you can't really see where he's looking exactly 'cause his wearing shades. He kept on bugging and lecturing the people near him about some stuffs I can't get, well, I don't wanna get it, anyway. I'm surprised with the amount of patience the public is giving him. If it was in my country, they would have pop him off his seat like nobody's business. My God, I always have to remind myself that I'm in a different country.

Anyways, he moved on to his trustworthy phone since nobody is giving a damn to whatever he wanna say, clearly. He bellowed loudly over the phone again, but this time we figured out he was just calling people's attention and that he was just pretending to be talking with someone on the other line. What a bloody loser?! And yes, we laughed again with the precautions of not offending him. But this time, he got up about a meter away from us, pointing at Mary's** face:

"You are so black that even if I turn off the lights, I wouldn't see you!". What a statement. Man, he just opened a pocket full of joy and a civil war, too.

Mary: "Excuse me?" Trust me, she got used to this kind of pranks but hey, it's not funny even if, so she tries her best to be polite somehow.

The psychotic loser: "I said, you're a black woman who covers her hair and that you can't be seen in the dark!"

What the eff? HE.IS.NOT.MAKING.ANY.SENSE.PERIOD.

Oh yeah, I know what you're thinking. Lord, I wish it's halal to murder somebody right now. But it's not so wise of us to literally kill him on the spot. I mean, we're underage and then we'll be in prison, our education is at stake, we'll be a shame for UIA, etc. But we can also kill him after outside, though. It's just that finding a hiding place for his body..lying to everyone..hiding from the police and so on, would actually take more than a week to plan. Good grief, I couldn't believe we had more patience than we thought we had that the loser just got a slap of shit out of his face. We were yelling chorus to whatever he say. He screams, we scream. He points, we point. He doesn't make sense, well, that's the difference because we surely do make sense and that's the bottom line of the whole crap. He dances like Barney the purple dinosaur while insulting us thinking we are insulted, whereas actually he is just wearing off the dignity out of himself.

I feel sorry for him...NOT!

He stood near the train door unaware of his death. The mixture of glares and grins of the people on the train seems to be colliding to the conclusion that this man has to leave in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And he left. Smart of him to think that we no longer love his presence.

Mitch** took a video of it. Oh yes, we love treasuring memories. We concluded his just probably a discouraged public speaker, or his wife left him, or he haven't eaten for months (which is unlikely since he's roundly healthy), or he's drunk (even if it's just 12am)..but the thing is, he calls himself a lawyer. Wow. This requires too much of thinking. Or maybe, just maybe, he's just one of those 6 out of 10 mentally disturbed Malaysians? God knows.

MORAL LESSON:

Never mess up with a man bellowing over the phone. Oh well, what a day.

the annoying chain: attraction - friendship - love

2009-04-06T23:23:00.000-07:00

have you ever wondered why a guy who got attracted to a girl usually end up being friends with her and soon takes the risk of confessing his love? Typical, I know. But the point is, I'm drowned in this typical, yet annoying chain that made think that I should've just stand aside in the very beginning..and now look, I'm drowning.

Love moves in mysterious ways. And so I believed before that I wouldn't fall for this guy, I know, "is not my type". He was a long-time friend of a common friend of mine and yeah..we're just connected because of that. But then we got to talk on the day of his birthday which I've never known til he told me. Only God knows how we never stopped seeing each other after that and talking for almost everyday..it's not an obsession, though. I enjoyed his company and the rest of other common friends we have and soon, it became like a tradition for us (or sometimes, with the rest of the gang) to eat dinner together in the nearby cafe' and chat til the curfew strikes. He's really nice, I have to say. I think that's one of his charms that got us along so well. There are even times when I got bored to hang-out with my old friends when he's not invited in the occasion, and always find myself going back to my room earlier. It's just weird..but NO! He's my friend! Intimacy between us is just so wrong. And that's why I'm writing this blog, that the chain of "attraction - friendship - love", is just about the most annoying theory in the world.

Last night, he called me for a dinner together with our three other guy and two girl friends. We had a big laugh together and talked a lot about all sorts of stuffs we can imagine. It was around 30 minutes before our curfew when Anna** stared at me for a while when I was in the middle of telling "the-guy-who-is not-my-type" something about class. I was intimidated so I said, "yeah?" Then, she went like, "Nothing..it's just that, I'm thinking why don't you guys give it a try?"

Yeah, it was out of the blue, where-the-hell-did-that-came-from motion and everyone suddenly burst out laughing. Anna** wasn't entertained, she frowned.

Anna: "What's up?"

The-guy-who-is-not-my-type: "Dude, it's like saying Niro** would date Lara**! That's sick." (FYI: Lara** and Niro** are really close, school friends and the thought of them dating is just basically a bad joke.)

Awkward silence...then,

Me: "Exactly!" which I don't know why I said that because a part of my brain is telling me, I'm not expecting him to say that.

And yet, Anna** is still not contented. She pressed the topic to the extent that she asked me and him if we're single and I said yeah, but he was just laughing at the directness of the question and said, he's double. Which is funny but not in a ha-ha way for Anna**. She gripped his arm and went like, "Do I look like I'm joking?" And so, he confessed he's single. She gave me her nasty grin, but when she was about to talk, Allan cut her: "Leave them alone. If I were to read her (me) mind..she's been effing you off her head right now, and not only that, she's even thinking of murdering you before you go to bed tonight, and you know what's worse? you wouldn't die but..." yeah..no need for the whole detail of his cutting statement but the point is, Anna** shut up. And the table was left with awkward silence for 2 seconds and yeah, it's already curfew.

When I got back in to my room, he texted me for being happy of having an awesome dinner. I smiled on my own and replied, "Yeah, it was fun except for Anna's** sick joke!" Guess what? He deflected the message and went to sleep.

The conclusion is, when we got attracted to someone our opposite sex, it would be easier for us to talk to them just because we liked them. And then, friendship arises. And then.........yeah, tendency is the issue of wanting more than that, Love.

Guys and girls, be careful of taking the risk. The question is, "should I take the risk?" Let's see...

That's all for now, ciao!

L change the world!

2009-03-28T22:25:00.000-07:00

After so many months, I'm back again. *holy lights please* This sem is awful for me because I'll have to stay for one more sem in Nilai just because they're not offering the course I wanna take. How annoying can they get? As I was dying to leave this place, the more God would love me to stay. Well, in the religious perspective, God has plans for me and that He still wants me to get something good from Nilai that I until now, I haven't realise. Sure, there must have been reasons why I still have to stay in this stinky place..but how long I have to wait for it to be realised is a big, "I DUNO!"

On the brighter side, I'm welcome to sit-in in this class of roughly, 10 girls and 9 guys of BTQ. Yeah..i know I've done this course in my 1st sem but the depressing room of mine makes me more sad, and the need to go out is really life saving..and so, i joined the class. I know most of the people in that class which made it easier for me sit-in, otherwise, I'll be bored.

My first day was a mixture of confusion and embarrassment as Sam failed to realise it was Shazna's notes Irfan was handling not mine and aggressively went like:

"Hey..Olfa! You gave him your BTQ notes and your asking for my Math notes, but you didn't give me yours?!"

What?

Man, I'm confused if he wants my BTQ notes or my Math notes but the point is, he never ask for any of them. What is he yelling about? And so, I just end up hanging in the air trying to comprehend a really bad English.

The room was filled with gasps as the lecturer came in with his brief case, wearing a long tie and a tiny curl in front of his not-so wide forehead. Yeah..it's Bro Bel**! *laughs* He's been popular with girls from the HS programme because of his neat-looking-over-sized suit and his hot English accent. I wouldn't deny I fancy him, well, not in a perverted way, of course. But hey, he's cute, right? Oh please I need Sean and Miecha with me..they'll agree for sure! *giggles* Now I know how they felt when they told me his "smoky hot"..well, it's kind of gross..but yeah, I agreed he made me starstruck! (OMG, I can't believe I'm complimenting a 26-year-old lecturer like this...)

I cannot register for his class, unfortunately because I did good in that class last time and adding my points from his class wouldn't really help my marks. But still, I'm sitting-in for the sake of his "Hidayah". *laughs*

lazing around..

2009-01-16T21:58:00.000-08:00

Exams are done and I'm just simply hanging around in my room listening to loud echoes of Russian words, I could never compete from speaking plain English. Things has been quite fast this semester and my parents can barely wait for me going home. God, I was having this group discussion in the library with my Economics classmates when my sister rang me just to ask if I got her a Malay comic book already. And my brother on the other hand is having PMS. Well, yeah..it's so wrong to describe him that way but he's really grumpy these days that when Hanie passed the phone to him, he just quickly mumbled stuffs over the phone without hearing me say anything. Rude much? Well, I understand engineering is not that easy, but por pabor, you don't wanna be old in this early age, right?

Anyways, Midterm is done and I've been expecting crazy assignments and frustrating deadlines soon. Yeah, I know, the life of a student. Sad, huh? *sob*

This blog is getting really boring - I can feel it - and I don't know when this would be updated again but this won't be the last update, I swear - if laziness won't conquer me! *laughs*

from CFS, IIUM students killings in Gaza

2009-01-12T05:16:00.000-08:00

Start from small and make it big and powerful. The contribution of each one of you will mean a lot to the victims of Gaza. We should condemn Israel for destroying the rights of living people in Palestine. Despite the differences in religion, beliefs, and power, humanity should be put as priority. STOP BUYING US and UK products, which donate their profits for Israel military.

visit this website:

http://www.inminds.com/boycott-brands.html

It has been a good deed to care for other people, no matter how small or big. God knows who sincerely sympathize to our brothers and sisters in Gaza city as the war is still going on. The small thing you can do means a lot to the victims of the oppression in Palestine.

Thank you for your time and support, it is well appreciated.

for better or for worst?

2009-01-04T22:29:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven't told you about Uri, I suppose. He is a really quiet guy and I can figure he's also shy the first time I met him. We share an extra class for Arabic part 1 before and that is just about our communication. We don't talk that much, or even actually talk before. But it never occur to me to hate him even if he doesn't look so friendly or entertaining. All he needs is a friend, I kept on telling myself.

And yes, after a few sems, he really got the confidence to socialize with people and to actually speak English very well compared before. You can really see how magical his revolution was as you talk to him. And so, this sem I share three classes with him. After his "revolution", we chat most of the time we meet now and got really close. I think it's fine being friends with him because aside from the fact that he's nice and he can SmS me whenever the class is cancelled, I can also get to know how guys like him think. But making friends with him isn't much of an advantage for me, but his.

We have this "competition thing" in our quiz marks for Stats. Every before a quiz, he would ask me if I'm ready enough and I would proudly say my slimy 'yes'. And you know how it goes when the lecturer started giving away the results in class, of course, everyone could see and begins asking you what you got. He would always, always be the one to ask my results but I would ask him for a trade of papers - like kids who don't want to be cheated - and he would agree. And it wasn't such a good move because he got higher than me, I didn't expect. Argh, and the cheek of the silly guy, he grinned at me fishily and laughed. He thinks it so cool that he actually announced his marks. Hah. I should've known!

OK. The next quiz result came out today and I know he scoured, and so I thought of myself as well. But - ummphh - I kind of didn't (score, I mean) and his quick, sharp eyes saw my marks and went like, "I thought you're prepared for the quiz?" I don't know if it was a question or what. But it doesn't felt so red. Man, the cheek!

And now one of my Don'ts when seeing him is not to walk with himevery after Stats class.

have you ever been drowned - literally?

2008-12-30T05:38:00.000-08:00

The most awaited mid-break is finally here and everyone are just so excited to shout out, "Balik kampung!" and laze around the TV. And I am excited as well, even if I don't actually go back home but to my adopted family. It has been tiring in the road of coming all the way to Gombak since I started to master the whole place. Turning here and there, standing in the massive tube for one a half hours with loads of butt clenching and sweaty arms, and worst of all, sinful act of releasing carbon dioxide - or fart - in public is just about to puke me out along the way. But it just need a matter of getting used to it.

One of my plans is to swim, it doesn't matter where, but I really have to swim. *laughs of desperation* So when Anja asked me to swim with her in the UIA pool, I said, 'OK'. Why not? I thought.

But then the next day she couldn't come because of sudden replacement, so Miecha came with me, instead. It was a cloudy day, but sort of humid and misty. I was proudly wearing my black one-piece swim suit with grey tights and a swimming cap, just to make sure they wouldn't kick me out of the pool. Miecha doesn't wanna swim under some circumstances I don't wanna know. And yes, I dived my self alone. And guess what? As I cross the pool to get into the other side which is like either the starting or the ending point of the pool, my left hand slipped into the tiles just as I was about to lose my breathe. I was aware of my dog-like-swimming position but I couldn't care less. I'm drowning, literally. That was the time of my life when everything started to slow down and even if I'm conscious, there's nothing much I could do to save my life. That time, I actually thought I would die. I'm not a good swimmer or I don't even know if I could still swim, but that traumatic incident lead me to he conclusion that things happen when you least expected it.

Breathing and shouting for help are the only thing I could think of so I opened my mouth. But then, the water went inside my nose and mouth, and not a single word was uttered from me. That's it, I'm dead. Surprisingly, a girl suddenly grabbed my jaw and was yelling, "yah Allah!" And the rest of the girls in the pool helped me out and lead me to the life guard. "Can you bubble? Do you know how to bubble?" I said yeah, then I feel like I was getting back to life. I don't understand what she asked the rest of the girls there moments later. Miecha came running towards me and the rest is history.

After that, all I can actually was just, "I couldn't die ina pool," repeatedly til we went back to the hostel. Oh God, it was horrible. But thank goodness I'm alive.

Cell phone addiction!

2008-12-12T22:04:00.000-08:00

Man, I've been dying to buy one of Digital Lg's latest phone this year; the KS360 model. I've been planning of buying for months but I just can't get the right canvas price for this cool phone. But I don't mind the fuz if I'd be rewarded with my dream phone! *laughs*

I cannot wait til Monday to have this bloody brilliant phone in my hands!

Multi-coloured, funky phone with a full slide out Qwerty keyboard, Threaded SMS and Touch Screen dialing makes it fast, fun and easy to chat and access social network sites I'm gonna get myself one, I swear! *insert evil gasps in here*

The Exaggeration of The Legend of the Toilet

2008-12-04T05:41:00.000-08:00

Rumors just have their ways of making you believe that their actually true. But hey, that's why they're called rumors because they are 90% unreal - so don't you dare be deceived like me!

On my previous entry, I was talking about my friend - whom was eventually tagged as "the legend of the toilet" - who was rushed in the hospital and rumored to have 17-stitches on his forehead, which actually just an exaggeration of the whole event! God, these people. Somehow, it was my fault because I couldn't grasp the too-much-leaking-no-pause-infos from our adviser, so I choose to listen to my room mate who just heard the rumors as well.

On a cool Tuesday night, I was in the library with my Econs group mates, discussing our assignment when Ilyas came with his thick Russian accent filling the whole room.

"Asssalaamuaalaykum," I can tell it was him even if he's behind me.

"Hi! OMG!!! How are you?" OK. It came out like that, you know. Like I've never seen him for years and I was actually so excited to see him again! But God knows how much I freaked out the night I heard the news, so you can't blame me.

But I guess he doesn't have to say anything else. He looks healthier than I thought he would! Not to be so anticipating, but I really thought he could hardly write, but he can! He's absolutely fine. Well, not so much normal as his usual, rude days, of course, but still. He grew a bit of beard that made him look like Ryan Gosling - chubby and not-so-hot version, of course - quite of a sign that he went extremely lazy after being discharged from the hospital. No stitches in the forehead at all which I admit that I was disappointed,

because I wanna see him resembling Frankenstein for once! *bleh*

And he's wearing this thick plastic cast which I keep on pointing out as "that" when I forgot what its called. *laughs* Hence, HE IS FINE. Shhsh! Some people! *insert hand gestures here*

They just exaggerated everything. And I mean it. Everything.

Humiliation

2008-11-30T22:56:00.000-08:00

"Walk in the world with humiliation."

This verse is just one of the hundreds of verses written in the Qur'an that reminds us that pride and ego isn't much of a product of knowledge. Knowledge can be used for evil and for good, depending on which type of person you are because our choices show us what we truly are. It's been a month since I've taken my BTQ class but the lessons actually pondered on me like how our lecturer would love it to be. And yes, I admit it was a wonderful class.

Now in my Stats class when my lecturer recited a Malay proverb, "A snake wouldn't lose it's venom even if it crawls under the tree." Meaning, knowledge would still remain and will never be stolen from us even if we don't raise our heads higher than they should.

OK. Maybe not..

2008-11-25T03:18:00.000-08:00

I'm getting really nuts about keeping this blog alive even if I know that not even a quarter of my roommates know I blog, but still. *laughs* I can't possibly dump my blogging skills. God, why would I give up something I really enjoy? OK. Maybe it wasn't really clever of me to convince myself that I can actually have a "break" form blogging since it's so obviously not working!

Well anyway, things had been nasty these past few days, and this week was just so freaky; I could hardly sleep tightly. In the series of unfortunate events, two girls from my Hisbah society (living in the 1st floor of Block A) were possessed by some Jin, as they call it. The other girl was an old news but this girl next door to the left from my room was just so scary! Can you imagine I just talked to her for about 3 minutes ago and then a friend of hers went calling my friend that their roommate got possessed? Oh my God, she was so fine when I left for a meeting - she even teased me for being so thin - but when I came back everyone is fencing her inside a circle of girls reading Ayat Al-Qursiy. And the next day, guess what? She couldn't remember a single thing.

And some more, our friend Ilyas was admitted to the hospital at the very the same night that particular girl I mentioned a while ago was possessed. I quickly jumped out of bed when I received the news and called our adviser for what really happened. I was told that he was in the toilet when he forced to open the closed door because it feels like somebody's pulling it from the back. He pulled it so hard that when it finally opened, it slammed to his face that made him land in to the toilet cubicle. Well, for a big guy like him, it's not a joke to land on a weakly made porcelain cubicle. The cubicle broke into pieces, leaving him with a 17-stitches cut in the forehead and broken joints in both of his hands.

And funny how rumors had it being feasted that a Russian guy crashed into the toilet bowl and rushed to Serdang Hospital. To Ilyas, I'm really sorry by the way that we couldn't come that time when you were in the hospital because of some reasons we can't reveal in public. Hope you wouldn't think that were just making excuses as you rudely ditch one of twins over the phone.

Anyways, we have to bear in mind that intangible things come out at night! It was a childish fear of mine that I've been holding on til now that jins come out at night when the darkness falls and we couldn't manage to see unnatural things through our naked eyes. That's why Ilyas thought somebody was giving a force form the back of the door, but actually, the jins are just playing around with him and..phew! Welcome to the hospital!

Farewell, for now..

2008-11-21T23:46:00.000-08:00

WARNING: This is not a farewell but a break!

I'm thinking of deleting this blog for a few weeks now since I can't think of anything sensible to write in the first place, so why blog? I can't stand talking non-sense in this precious space of mine that I've been caring for in about half a year now. So I decided to take a break from blogging (even if it's not that long ago that I've started). My studies are always first in my list of priorities and failing my courses is just about the irony of it. I have to focus in my studies. Having a boyfriend isn't the only means of distraction, because if it was then why the hell am I distracted even if I have none? There are a lot of means of not focusing and having a boyfriend is just one of the millions! That's why, I have to cut-down all the things that can be a teaser to absolute distraction.

For an avid blogger like me, it's not easy to stop a chronic disease. It's like asking an insomniac patient to sleep when it's obvious that they can't sleep. Blogging has been fun, I can't say it's definitely a distraction, but sitting in front of the computer for more than an hour could've been a time rendered in learning my academic lessons.

Then again, I'm just taking a break.

blah, blah, blah....

2008-11-18T22:55:00.000-08:00

I'm in my Computer 2 class right now hopelessly listening to my boring lecturer! Oh God, let me out of here..

A whole new sem!

2008-11-09T22:58:00.000-08:00

A new semester is officially open in CFS today. It's going to be a bitter-sweet feeling for me this sem since my mark sucks, as it is. And I can't possibly add another core course this sem which means I have to wait til after short-sem if want to go back home. Many students are not so thrilled of going home, but me? No way. I desperately wanna go back! So that's what I'm aiming to achieve now, good grades then, phew! I'm off to go, baby!

Well, in the first week, you wouldn't really notice that the enrollment is already rolling here in CFS, you know. People are just coming back from holidays and slumbers come and go to the Seminar Hall like there some kind of bazaar going on. It's still Monday anyway, let them have their moment of renaissance. But Tuesday was a different day. Everyone finally pick up their pace and begin to add/drop their subjects. A friend of mine told me that I'm giving myself a favor for taking 5 core courses this sem. I don't know what kind of favor I'm supposed to be savouring by now but I can assure her, there is none.

As everybody went to their respective classes the following day, I merrily decided to come to my first Economics class even if I don't have to. Man, I'm really excited for it! But for a second I froze to the sight of almost 30 girls sitting in the room for about 10 mins. when I came. God, not again! I found myself sitting next to a girl that Jene and I used to call the girl who "flatters the horizon". I know it's mean but - OK, I'll stop calling her that. My lecturer looks kind of stern when she first went inside the room.

"No one's outside anymore?", she said in her normal voice and went..I can't tell if she locked the doors or not 'cause there's no sound at all when she touched it, but it looks like it. Sounds familiar huh? My BTQ lecturer does that most of the time.

I was lucky I suppose to have Uri** with me in that "all-girl class" since the attention wouldn't be drawn to me since he's always been the class favourite and never fail to be. After class, I realized my lecturer was my height which is like a big news ever since the Econs class started because everyone is betting that she's an inch taller than me! What with Uri** and Turkey** betting for my opponent? Hah. I've been pointing out she's just wearing heels but the hell they care if it's for 10 bucks! OUCH. But I'm small, it's not debatable. It's just that, I can't accept my defeat that fast! *laughs*

The whole week rolled on without me noticing that today would be our second week and so many more happenings will come! Hope I can cope up with my subjects better.

Pray for me! :)

P.S.:
There are new Internationals who came for the second in-take and man, they're really a company! And the twins are back now to fill up 2 more empty bunks of our full-house!

Democracy? I don't think so!

2008-11-06T22:55:00.000-08:00

I've met a lot of mean girls in high school and they never care who their talking with when they start their cruelty. Since being the only Muslim in my class, I never heard such nice phrases from these particular girls whenever I came across their conversations. But I've learned to ignore them and just be myself (it's not my problem, anyway)throughout high school. Now that religion is no longer an issue in UIA since most of the students are Muslims, I thought peace would be available. But I was wrong. Wherever you go, you will always encounter mean girls that will never ever be concerned about how you feel.

It started when my roommates and I went to the TV room out of boredom to just watch whatever it is that we can watch. Luckily, the rest of the girls are still having dinner and the room was so empty. We finally settled to watch Amazing Race Asia in AXN 'cause it's the only English show we can watch. The show went on for 30 mins. before a girl came in to the room and sat behind us. I can feel she's looking at us while we're cheering our favourite contestants on the show. I think it's odd but I just let her do whatever she feels like. After a while, she left. Probably bored of what were watching, but she didn't ask to change the channel anyway, so I don't see any reasons if ever she felt offended of feeling an outcast. 10 mins. later, she came back with bunch of other girls talking leisurely, making a squeaky noise at the back of us that you can barely hear properly what the contestants were saying. There's another 20 mins. before the show will be over, when suddenly an average-heighted girl (let's call her Joy Killer) came and pressing the switch buttons just when we're laughing over a hilarious scene.

Henny: "I dare you ask her to not change the channel.."

Me: "Ummp..excuse me..can we wait 'til the show is over then you guys can change the channel?", I was trying to be polite. I even smiled! But NO! She changed the channel to this stupid show where a guy keep on scratching his head while an old man keeps on calling him 'bodoh' and they think it's really funny, they laughed like we didn't ask them politely not to change the channel. Oh boy, she's annoying!

Joy Killer: "Sorry..you are minority. We are majority and we all wanna watch this show!", she said it like we're toddlers being sent to bed.

Majority? What happens to 'first-come-first-serve' policy? This is no democracy, baby! Hello? Majority wins when we will have to decide what is best to settle a misunderstanding between two camps, but in this case she didn't listen and it's not arguable that we came first. And if she's really playing the democratic acts, then she should respect the minority as well as the majority. I mean, come on! We can never be majority and that's the most obvious truth in the whole CFS history! We didn't even reach a quarter of the girls' population so how can we possibly be majority?

They wouldn't get it, really. And We just have to face our defeat quietly as possible since we are the minority.

Laughing after Crying!

2008-11-05T22:47:00.000-08:00

After the holidays we are about to check our results for the last sem. I wasn't looking forward of checking it because I know I didn't do well. Henny keeps on telling me to be optimistic but the pessimism is everywhere! And guess what? I got awful marks in my Math and Stats and I got really stressed after seeing it! It's not that easy to see a below average performance if you're used to see high marks. Guess everything has first times. And this one really shocked me. I mean, I'm not "Ms. Perfect", I've done a lot of mistakes and failures for the past 16 yrs. of my life, but this one is just so..(how to say?) OUCH! It really hurts that I didn't eat dinner.

For that I decided to cut down my leisure times and just focus on what it is that I have to focus on. But would I survive without a time out? Come on! After I cried a pail and deserted myself to the darkest part of our study room, I went out. I was surprised my roommates didn't come up to me and interrogate what's happening like before the first time I cried. They just stayed where they were when I left to weep. I guess they understood I need some space.

"Are you okey?", asked Faz as she saw me walking towards them to join in. I was irritated with question since I'm not ok in the first place, but if it was me I would ask the same.

"yeah..I'm cool..", I uttered.

Faz told me to just calm down and just let the heat pass first before I think of anything else. I suppose she's not thinking that I'd hurt myself, right? *laughs* Besides, it's not worth dying for. But something people would, actually. I just listened to her and then Danna (not her real name, as usual) came to ask if I'm fine. Faz took the honour:

"No, she's not."
"Why not?"
"'Coz I'm not happy..", I interrupted.
"Your husband?", Danna suddenly asked.

Where did the husband came from? I don't even have a boyfriend! She was really clueless so we just go with the flow..

"Yeah..you know my husband cheated on me! Guys..", I said.

"Oh really?", man, she really didn't get it!

"She just got married last week when she went back to Philippines and her husband cheated on her that fast!", continued Faz. She is such an actress!

"Oh..my..God..", I can't imagine Danna really believed!

"Hey you guys! I'm praying, OK? (*laughs*) Good thing I just finished! Stop fooling her!", there goes Gene who just got pissed (but take note: laughing as well).

Oh well, it's mean but it was so hilarious! How can anyone be so clueless like that? Then again, I'm not alone.

The Best Book I've Read This Holidays!

2008-10-31T00:44:00.000-07:00

Every holidays I always have a lot of time to sit down and procrastinate. But I'm not planning to do that this time, I've learned from my past holidays that if I sleep the whole day long I will just eventually wake up with a headache. So this holidays, I borrowed four novels from the library and vowed to read them all! *laughs* I even sounded mad when I said it to myself aloud that Hannah made a face. Well, I didn't really got to finish reading everything since some of them are really boring, I wondered why I took them. I just flipped a few pages and later tucked it in the corner of my table.

But one of them stands out:

I loved this book the moment I've read the first page. I got hooked up I can't put it down! It's really sad but inspiring..it makes me feel sorry for those children out of school and orphans. How do they actually cope up with all the stresses of poverty and lost of loved ones in such an early age? But that wasn't the worst part if you have parents but never acted as one - like Kevin.

Guys don't like too smart girls?

2008-10-25T00:36:00.000-07:00

Why? I thought, in a millionth times I could muster. Why would a guy reject such a gift of intelligence that came out from a girl? I didn't really care when I heard this from a friend who's moaning about this particular guy she's eyeing on who happened to dump her cause she's too smart (I know..stupid).

"He's just playin' blind that he can barely notice your beauty..", I advised her.
"No, it doesn't stop there!" she exclaimed and walked away.

What else there is to be extracted in the idea of guys hating smart girls? I wondered.

Since high school, I always find myself falling for guys who are impossibly smart. Their stands drive you crazy and they never fail to utter a look of confidence in their faces (which I interpreted as smart). That's what I primarily admired from those types of guys, looks would fall in top two. But the smart turned into pride later on. But if in that very moment I admired them, why can't they be the same like us? My question was answered when I won a casual debate, over this guy I've been crushing on since the class started. There's no rule actually, just speak out your mind and go! At the end of the class, he didn't even looked at me. Before that, we used to talk. But after that, I hate to say this, but his ego ate him whole that turned me off - big time!

The answer is obviously simple, ego. They can't handle a girl so smart she can overrule the guy, which is a turning point of girls' role in the first place. But that's an ancient idea (if you ask me) to let girls be under guys. Now, I'm not against of guys being the head over heels, but for God's sake, what's more that guys want to prove? We've known a whole lot of it than they can ever tell us (or show us, perhaps..)! There is no need to be oblivious that girls today are more daring and confindent than they are phrased before.

Until then, I thought to my myself, guys are still blind if they cannot see the beauty in you, inside and out, because of his ego. And it ends there, darling.

A lesson learned

2008-10-22T00:59:00.000-07:00

It's been 8 months since our twin roommates went off UIA for a different uni. Well, not to be sadistic or anything, but I was (or at least most of my roommies were) happy that they left. We're not even close, that is. So, saying good byes with wasn't that much of a challenge. They went packed their stuffs on a fair Saturday morning and left. Their close friends were of course, sorrowful about it, but at the same time excited to rennovate our room since 2 more beds were emptied.

I never wondered where they were these past 8 months since I barely know anything about them. If I didn't care about them when they were here, why worry when they're out? I told myself as a part of my whole process of not getting too attached. Sometimes it's hard to let go of something if you get too attached to it, emotionally. I've learned it the hard way during high school when my parents abruptly decided of moving to Davao permanently. My friends in Manila didn't know we'll be living a lifetime there, of course (coz I didn't tell them and because I'm still holding to the thought of going back). Through the years I cling in to the thought that one day I'll be back in Manila to live the materialistic world I used to live with--meet my friends, have fun, shopping, buy this and that! But come on, I can't live with such a thought like that. I mean, they're not realistic and practical enough to cling on to, I convinced myself. Then again, I said good bye to detach myself from whatever that's pulling me down..and move on.

Now that some of friends are moving out from our room, good byes are not so easily uttered. They're my closest friends. The girls who told me, " Olf, you're 17, stop peeing in your pyjamas!" and "Hey, I saw your guy, and he's HOT! Don't give him up!" I totally grew from being a schoolgirl to a lady when I started being friends with them. They taught me a lot of things what a girl friend would ever wanted to hear. But then again, I shouldn't get too attached. We'll see each other again, albeit not that often, but still. I've loved them like my older sisters, but I have to let them go...then I can say good bye.

Every beginning has an end. But that also means that new things will arouse and that's the whole point of ending. (..So epic!) *chuckles*

It's not LOVE, for God's sake!

2008-10-15T02:13:00.000-07:00

I've been verbally harrassed by Alena these days. She keeps on insisting of having "..a sudden dispersion of love" -- even in love talks she thought about stats-- between me and this particular guy that has been our good friend since we came to UIA. But even though how many million times I told her that he's just like my big bro and I'm just he's lil sis, she still insists! Oh God. One day, I surrendered and said, "yeah, yeah..we're in love", just to shut her up. But that was a wrong move. She teased me even more. *sob*

Well, I've been fairly kind with this particular guy that's why she's teasing me. But I'm kind to all the guys I know, well, except for those perverts, though. But all in all, I'm a good friend towards guys as one of my guy friends testified a year ago. I mean, there's no reason to be rude to anyone, even if they're guys as long as they're decent on dealing with you. So, I see no point to be mean to this guy Alena was teasing me from.

But when would she stop her annoying teasing session? I wondered. But one thing is certain, IT'S NOT LOVE!

Being back doesn't mean no more fun!

2008-10-06T00:40:00.000-07:00

I just got back to Nilai yesterday after my intended holidays! I unpacked my stuffs and vowed to study after a few hours of nap. It's just a week ago since I left this room but it feels like years. I walked around the room and sat next to Alena. I glanced on what she's doing, and man, her books are everywhere like she studied from dawn to dusk that she couldn't be bothered to clean them. Study-holic much? It seems like things never change after all. Then, she turned to me.

"Hi," she said smiling. "how's your holidays?"
"it was fun!", I said, then i burst out telling my whole holiday experience.

We sat there 'til we run-out of things to talk about and decide to eat when Miecha came. We ordered pizza for dinner which was Miecha's treat and some cakes and pastries. We had this movie marathon which was all a courtesy of Miecha! It was like a pajama party minus the awareness of it! *laughs* Who would protest we can't still be holidays?

Damn all these tear jerker films!

2008-10-04T02:10:00.000-07:00

It’s been ages since I remembered watching 'A Walk to Remember', starring Mandy Moore and Shane West, one of those tear jerker films that I’ve watched my whole life which made me confess my embarrassing cry. Now, there’s another film I swore I should’ve watched.

It was cozy Monday morning, about quarter to one and I was all alone, really bored; I wouldn’t mind watching anything that is there Asmin downloaded. I browsed through her movie files and found a movie entitled, “NB”. What the hell is NB? I thought. I clicked on it and turned out to be The Notebook starring Rachel McAdams (who played the bitch from Mean Girls) and Ryan Gosling (so hot--from the series, Hercules)! I startled for a while then started concentrating in the scene when Noah left Alie for good. He chose to make a distance between them to think about their priorities before they actually continue their relationship. But in the middle of their hot convo as Alie shouts at Noah’s face that everything’s not yet over between them, Hannah took a really loud and long snore that would probably wake the Arab girls next door. Fuh, if only Mr. P (her guy) knows better.

Anyway, I was telling you already the touchy part. But let me tell you the start of all beginnings once in for all. Alie is a rich, smart and pretty 17-year-old girl who lives life according to her parents rule. She’s a really free-spirited debutant who just can’t have the chance to do her thing. So, in a summer vacation in the middle of High School, her family went on a summer house near the lake. There she hangs out with some of her girl friends. They spend the whole day and night having the time of their lives. One day when she went out on a double date with her friend in a carnival, Noah realized she’s the one for him. Sounds so cheesy, huh? But that’s why it’s romantic. As I was saying, Noah liked Alie the first time he met her, so the poor guy asked the pretty, young lady to dance with him. But Alie out of sarcasm refused to which didn’t seem to discourage Noah at all. He climbed up the peeress wheel where Alie and her date was and introduced his self, impulsively, and asked her to date him. Of course, I would be disgusted as well, so Alie refused to, again. But this time, Noah threatened her of committing suicide if she won’t (so stupid!). Alie freaked out and just said yes to get it over but Noah reached out the iron bars of the peeress wheel and grinned for “atlas”. Alie was so pissed off; she pulled Noah’s pants off his waist.

After that, they started dating and a summer romance bloomed. Well the dating part, you know how it goes, right? Yeahh..so as their relationship grew, they have to choose whether to what they want or what they should. Alie, as young as she is, chose to go back to the city and study while Noah volunteered in a military mission as one of the back-up soldiers of the America. But even when they’re apart, they believed that things are still the same between them. Noah wrote 365 letters to Alie as a means of saying how much he loved her. But Alie’s mom barred all those letters in reaching Alie and made her believe that Noah did forget about her.
Time passed by so fast, after 7 years, Alie was already engaged to a rich and powerful man of their time when Noah finally found Alie. He didn’t expect Alie to forget him and found a new love. Instead, he preoccupied himself in building his dream house which he dreamt of living with her.

News had it that Alie’s marrying this rich guy and everywhere you go you will read that her wedding is gonna be the biggest wedding of the year. She was really happy, almost impossible to breathe. But when she scanned the whole page of the paper, she saw her old love, or shall I say her first love. She fainted s she saw the picture of Noah standing in front of a big white house and decided to get away for a while. She met up with Noah again and finally realized that she still loved him. Well, the usual ending, she chose to be with Noah instead of the rich guy. However, as they grew older, Alie had an Alzheimer’s disease and failed to remember anybody, including Noah. She was put into a Home for the Agents’ hospital and soon Noah followed her. Touchy how he loved her despite of her loss of memory of him! He tried his very best to help her remember those days they had together by reading her “the notebook” that Alie herself wrote about their love story. And when Alie finally remembered, in a split of seconds, she forgot again! Her illness is getting really worse; the doctors wouldn’t let Noah near her. But he insisted and slept beside her. The next thing, the nurse found out them dead together.

Well, that's about my movie review! ciao :)!

The end.

HAPPY EID'L FITR!

2008-10-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

Nine days before the official day of my finals is nine days of my supposedly guilt-free holidays. God, it's not easy to feel free in a holiday while you know you'll be having a really terrifying end. "But who cares?” I keep on convincing myself. Its holidays and we're supposed to have fun, right? Besides, we have to celebrate Eid'l Fitr! This year is my first Ramadan and Hari Raya here, let me tell you. And I was really excited to pack up my things and meet my cousins as the holidays started. We had this blow-out party hosted by my uncle for the rest of the Filipino UIA students, and it was a so cool! God, life is so good! *laughs*

Well, it was just your usual gathering, you know. We ate, we chat and laughed a lot--really! Most of the girls wore black jubah, the little girls and little bois in their colorful baju kurungs and baju malayus and the guys in their unity of white. I barely know some of the guys but they're really nice. It's just that, I'm too fierce-looking for them! *chuckles* My cousins and I were so pessimistic that maybe it would rain. And it did, so the rest of the guests decided to leave earlier than they intended to.

But boy, this party was great. Well, except for the fact that my sister is teasing me to this guy (err, boy) who happens to be really cute. He has a nice smile (like sunshine) and puffy brown hair (which reminds me of an old friend in High School). He was wearing this hooded, checkered jubah (like a dementor, minus the checkered patterns) which I used to laugh at when somebody wears it, but he looks so young in it--I can't help asking his age! *giggles* Guess what? He's just 18! "Hah," I thought. Then, my sis teased me some more coz that just means he's just a year older than me--which means he's the youngest among the guys! Really, I'm not kidding. 18 years old is the youngest age so far among my country mates which I'm aware I happen to be associated with. So..yeahh, for those dreaming for cute Filipino guys in Gombak, I'm sorry to break your heart, there are cute ones but they're more or less 23or 24. And for me, they're way too old--no offense (or offense! whatev!) :)

Yeah..all in all, the party was a blast! I ate a lot but I don't care! I've been eating tons of carbs these days which I constantly blame to the whole day of fasting and I made it through the whole month blaming the same reason. And now the month of Ramadan is finally done, I'll have to pay for all those days I was absent! *laughs* If you're a girl, you know what I mean!

Myself after 4 years..

2008-09-21T14:20:00.000-07:00

I'm quite pessimistic about my future. Would I be rich?? Would I marry the guy I've been dreaming of my whole life?? But this are all idealistic. I know. But one prediction is just an inch away from reality, I will look like this sooner or later.

I won't (or will never) miss our fardo ain class!

2008-09-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

Yeah..in this class, no thinking required! You can just come and go, provided that you sign up your name for the attendance..and go! But if you choose to stay, you'll get bored (for sure!), but the lecturer wouldn't notice..and you'll continue to be bored..and yawn..til you sleep--finally! Well, if you don't wanna believe me, check out Bass* as a living proof (bottom right)! *laughs*

I feel no poetry

2008-09-09T02:35:00.000-07:00

Poetry is one of the oldest way of art where you express yourself in terms of words, which I, in my younger age used to indulge (but not anymore). But it needs a whole lot of inspiration, really, to come up with what we actually called, the poem. How can you come up with something worth reading for if don't make sense?

But I won't be blogging about poetry. In fact, I wanna talk about inspiration since poetry, like I said a while ago, needs tons of inspiration. This is the kind of inspiration that doesn't come easily. It just suddenly pop out from nowhere, and then, TADDAH! *insert gospels here* yeah..I was just wondering how the hell do all these great poets got their ideas. I mean, not all of them lost homes or an orphan since birth, to come up with such brilliant ideas that are being used in lots of literature books as references today and will be in the future.

I'm sorry, for the doses of questions. Maybe you're what's up with all these sudden questions? It's because I need an inspiration. I wanna ba something worth turning pages for like a really interesting book you just can't let go.

In short, I'm uninspired.

I hate rushing..but I'm getting lazy day by day!

2008-08-27T04:46:00.000-07:00

time check:
It's exactly 23 mins. before my statistics will start. But where am I? In my bed, typing my blog. Hah. Talk about laziness! It's overruling my body for a week now! I used to wake up 1 hr. before class, but now, even if it's quarter to the alloted time, you still won't see me rushing my tudung on! Damn. I hate this laziness! But what should I do to get rid of it??

Tough luck, my class will start in about 15 minutes from now!!! ciao!

My Depreciated Deed..

2008-08-20T20:56:00.000-07:00

Oh my God..it's Monday again--my most full-packed day of the whole week! And I know I'll be busier the whole week days because of the up coming Hisbah Night when we're supposed to decorate and our room a day before the official night. But did we do anything? Of course not. I couldn't be bothered to. I just don't get the whole decorating concept. I mean, cleaning is reasonable enough to be imposed obligatorily, but decorating? Nah..I had enough last sem and I don't wanna decorate for nothing anymore! (well, I hope they have prizes for the most ugliest room, maybe we have a chance! *giggles*)

Yeah..well, my Monday is actually the usual one, except for the sudden cancellation of our Arabic Class that has been announced whole wide through SmS. Who wouldn't, anyway? Everybody parties when Arabic Class is cancelled. So, I did a small deed of telling my old guy pals by telling them that the class is, indeed, cancelleed.

I went up to my room, merrily eating my vastly inflated lunch from no other than, Kawa Thai. Then, as I finished my meal, my roommate told me that the class wasn't cancelled, and it wasn't cancelled at all! HUH?? I thought twice; "Didn't Faz** just told me that it was cancelled?" Out of confusion, I went to another classmate's room. And it wasn't cancelled and Jene** herself confirmed me. Argh. Damn, I have to change, now.

So I quickly told my roomies of the sudden explosion of the massive news and laughed as Anna**'s sighed: "Aww..really?" (insert scratching of the head here)

Of course I thought of telling the other guys that the class was resumed again, but I indirectly delivered the news. Instead of texting them at once, I sent the message to someone I know is close to them (who's our classmate as well, let's call him "The Messenger") and will convey the message later on. And because I personally like this "Messenger", I didn't have any second thoughts of passing the forwarded message.

I came to class panting because of the predictable hotness of the weather. And, surprise, surprise! The guys are not there, but the "Messenger" is here. Where are they? I thought, maybe they're still taking their sweetest time walking across the field. Then, an hour later, B** called angrily yelling over the phone looking for me and bellowing my name like I stole a chicken or something! My God. What's up with this people? Didn't I told them (well, indirectly , though) that the class is on?!

I was humiliated by the yelling. But a half of my body is telling me to know why that neaderthal-ish guy is yelling his lungs out. I asked the "Messenger" at the end of the class if he did tell them, and guess what? The Messenger said, "NO", flatly. So insensitive! He came himself not telling anybody and he just looked at me for emphasis that I'm actually there and walked away. I hate him! ARGH!!! (OK, calm down..)

Oh my God. No wonder that close-minded, neanderthal-ish guy is mad. But if you think of it, it wasn't my fault (right?). Argh. I hate it when I try to convince myself to be innocent. But the thing is, they reacted so childlishly withou having me explain my side and even if I do, they won't get my point. Why? God knows. But one thing's certain, we won't talk for the good two weeks of distrust but in peace.

No place like home..

2008-08-06T23:37:00.000-07:00

After my first paper is actually the official holidays that we will be savoring though it's just a week! Who wouldn't, anyway? So, yeahh..when all the girls are going home, we're watching them leaving (as usual!). To tell you, we're really immune to people passing by and merrily leaving the miserable Nilai. Well, it's a sad, sad story indeed that we've got no where to go but Gombak (the main campus)as our sanctuary in this whole stranger's world.

But, naah! Enough of the drama. It's enough that even though I'm in a different country, I still got the hold on to my ever supportive country mates who gave me the comfort only a home can offer. After all, there's no place like home, right? That's why even though we hate it when our mom keeps on asking us "where are you going?", whenever we wanna hang-out with your gals with the memorized answer: "at school and I'll be back before late", we still miss it. And even though how annoyed you are when your little sister put the channel to Barney or Hanna Montana (I'm personally get this one!) while your watching your favorite drama series, you will still be missing those times and wish that you would've just let her watch that stupid show, instead of throwing toy crackers on her face!

It's funny how things come like this dramatic to me. I mean, I'm no so sweet when it comes to dealing with my little sister, let me tell you. I'm actually closer to my friends at school than to my own sister and that explains the huge gap between us since primary school. We're 4 years apart. She's boyish and I'm on the "pinky side" of femininity. We went to different schools and we used to like the same guy when I was in my 10Th Grade. Awkward much? I know. There's nothing more awkward than having your lil sis falling for the same guy you like. But the thing is, the guy liked me when I finally lost my interest on him. And the drama began. My sis likes him more and more, at the same time, he was already courting me! Argh. I don't wanna break my sis' heart so I prefer not to tell her coz I know I'll turn the guy down sooner or later. But the surprising part is when she found out about it, she gave the way and told me to give him a chance. Aww..then I realized how selfish am I to keep such a secret when never knew that she's dying at the other end! But like I said, I turned the guy down and I felt better.

Since then we got closer unlike before. We share everything we have, shoes, clothes, money, you name it! And before I left for Malaysia, we both had a great time shopping for the stuffs I'll be carrying along the way. I really miss my sister. My only sister. And I keep on telling my self when I get back the first I'll do is to take her out to--what a girl wants--shopping! haha..

It's not easy to be away form home especially if your not used to it. It wasn't that hard for at first coz I'm really used to be away from home and my parents are out for work. But being gone from their sight for almost a year now (and your damn young), it's a challenge I never knew I have to struggle from.

My First Paper..

2008-08-03T22:55:00.000-07:00

Hah. of all the dreaded subjects, Maths came first in queue of my exam lists! God, I'm totally motivating myself to study. For the first time (as far as I'm concern), I devoted my whole week for Maths. To tell you, I'm not really into burning my eyebrows for such subjects, especially Maths and for the fact that it's just trigonometry. But this one drove me crazy (you totally don't wanna know the details). And now I'm paying back for my careless days..

It was 5pm when Sandy (my roommate) was nervously throwing in her blue tudung, standing in front of our floor-length mirror and slowly spoke:

"I'm nervous..", she said so slowly, you can even consider it a whisper.

And what a friend can offer? I just said:
"Don't be, it'll be fine.", hoping I didn't sound like a mom.

Argh. I'm getting nervous as well, I should've just shut up. Damn.

After a few minutes, we're ready to head our way to MPN for the most awaited paper. And guess what? It was damn hot (oh well, it wasn't much of an intelligent guess, I suppose) but my hands are damn cold. When we arrived in the Hall, I sat next to A (one of the..shall I say, the Maths geniuses of my batch!) who was staring blankly in the space and beyond. " Maybe she's concentrating," I thought.

Everybody looks so jittery to get their fingers on the paper to get it over and done with. The paper was quite challenging (or so for someone like me, it was challenging), but for A who didn't seem so challenged at all, passed the paper in 30 mins. out of 1 and a half hours of torture and everybody turned their backs as she left the torture chamber. Whoa. That was quick! And I was surprised for the first time, she sighed. (She's no straight-faced geek after all!). Then, followed by her country mate who I don't think is that interested to finish the time rendered as she used to do.

Tick tack..tick tack..

I can feel the pressure of the ticking clock.

"5 mins. more.", said the invigilator flatly.

I quickly scanned my paper, in case i missed an item blank. And.. At last! The whole torture time of the day is over! I passed my paper with a sigh. uh. " It's okey..", I reminded myself. Sandy and Faz turned to me and we were dismissed.

"The paper was fine! It was ok. argh!But I missed the number..", Faz was explaining in details as we were exiting the hall but I can no longer her. My head is still into the paper--refreshing my memory of the items I left blank..when suddenly..

"Hey!", a hand popped-out of my view.

It was Kyle, the Bruneian guy (err..boy).
"How was it??!", he cried curiously. I tried to be polite and entertained him for a while though I don't really wanna talk about the whole "exam thing".

Then, we walked pass the convenient shop and i saw some other familiar faces whom I know will ask about the exam. So I tried to walk like normal, neglecting the fact that I know those human figures. And..there, I found my sanctuary in my bed as the 'chicken little' design was cheerfully grinning at me.

Ahh..I'm done with it! My whole week of frustrations and disappointments were all thrown away to that hall..and that 6-paged paper..and I feel GOOD! Oh, thank God it's Saturday the following day..

Success is counted Sweetest..

2008-07-30T12:57:00.000-07:00

UCCESS is counted sweetest
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.

Not one of all the purple host
Who took the flag to-day
Can tell the definition,
So clear, of victory,

As he, defeated, dying,
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Break, agonized and clear.

A poem from my all time favorite poet, Emily Dickinson.

AAARGGHH!!! I'm running MAD!!!

2008-07-27T00:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not even in the right age to drive and marry but the madness police is gradually knocking on my doorstep to arrest me for committing madness. I'm mad. Please forgive for telling you late, my dear blogger. Forgive me that you've been reading entries of a mad teenage girl's page all these time. Yeah..mad as it is. I'm not quite ashamed that I am one. Coz I know you'll be one as well as soon as you finish reading this entry and actually comprehended my real madness.

These thought of me knowing I'm mad is killing me. Why? Oh for God's sake! It's like knowing you have leukemia and your days are already counted, and you don't have any way with it! It's incurable. It's frustrating. It's got to be accepted.

You might be wondering why this girl is still writing on her blog yet she's mad. Huh. Don't wonder, coz I'm mad. My madness is giving me the adrenaline to activate my brain in a weird but useful way, unlike the usual madness. It's killing me, yes. But it's also my source of strength and will to finish my freaking course! Yes, you got it right. I'm savouring my sanity to figure out how to pass my core courses. And it's not that I hate my core courses that I just wanna pass them, but because there's nothing I can do with it. If I push my self more, I'll break the limit and I won't be able to write into my precious cyber spotlight anymore. You'll just found out that my nurse will telling you, my dear blogger, that I'm under observation.

Whoa. I totally blew it out! The oppressed thoughts of mine have been in caved for so long that I can't even reckon it's been a month. But never mind. That's why my loving blogger is still reading my entries, right? To reach out to me--well, I hope you won't say I have to stop blogging coz my entries have nothing to do to help Hilary Clinton win anyway--and feel my madness--but not too much! I'm infectious.

I love blogging and I won't stop blogging even though I'll be mad.

And because I know you love me...

Guys are not inspirations.

2008-07-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

July has been a long month for me, unlike June. And now we're about September. I was busy welcoming a whole lot of changes in my new sem last June -- and yes,I consider it as one of my merriest month of the year--and whole lot of intentional lateness every Arabic class and frustrations in Maths were all worth of my ever tiring half sem. But I really had fun, actually. Saying goodbye to our lazy days during the short sem wasn't that easy but saying "hi" to the numbers is quite a challenge! Oh God, time flies so fast when your having fun! I didn't even notice that it's been three months since a blur vision of love ( if you can call it love) came up to me in an annoying packaging of a skinny guy who don't even consider English as a significant language but just something you should pass at school. And from the start I know, things won't work between us. As quick as it came, I failed to realize it's gone.

But I'm off to think about guys these days as a strike for all my mishaps that I never cared to learn from. I still have 'eye-candies' (*laughs*) and I'm not an "anti-guys", though. I'm just being practical! "Muslim Women must be strong!", as our animated Fardo Ain lecturer would love to say it. Things have fallen into place somehow. If he's not for you, so be it. There are lots more! And I was really happy he's gone because, honestly, brats are really a pain in the neck! But my experience left me a notebook scribblings since all girls must know that:

1. First in for most: Not to date a spoiled brat.

He's rich, yeah. He can give whatever you want. You can reach those places only in your dreams you thought to be going. But take note that he always wants something in return, if you know what I mean!

2. Don't go for jocks.

If hotness was all your looking for in a guy, well, I can't blame you if you fall for jocks. But if all it pays is sweat and body odor, oh puh-please (insert hand gestures here)!

3. Don't date first year guys at all.

They're still in the progress of maturity and think so junior high-ish which practically remind me of Jonas Brothers. What a babe! *laughs*

4. Always put your standards high.

Come on, you won't dream of cutting the potatoes instead of going to the grand ball like Cinderella does, right? We're not in the fairy tales and we can't always have a fairy godmother to sort out our miseries. We have to make our choices straight and practical.

And that's basically how my miserable love life thought me how to, not to forget, but be practical when it comes to perverted male species.

Inferiority Complex

2008-07-11T03:19:00.000-07:00

Inferiority complex.

I've always known I have one since I started going to primary school. Before, I don't know what it's called since I've never been aware that it's something killing me inside. I continued going to school with the feeling of being so small among all the students of my age. I have friends, yes. There's no question about that. After all, I'm practically friendly. But the thought that I'm the smallest and the youngest in my class (actually all of my classes when I was in primary school) and not that smart, made me feel I'm different. Different in a way that I'm out of place.

But my loving Mom will always tell me that I'm special and that people have different characteristics. She never, ever dared to say the word "different" to connote that I'm an introvert, but I know deep inside that I'm different, if not to end up an introvert--what else would I be? " she's just telling me this because I'm her daughter", I thought.

I never figured out how to defeat my inferiority complex as the years pass by (because I actually don't know how). Now that I'm 17, pretty more matured than I was in primary school. I know now that inferiority complex is another way of saying you have a low self-esteem. I keep on telling myself that it will just give me the feeling of negativity, alienation and irritation. And so I stopped thinking about it.

But it keeps on coming back. After my Maths class, I consulted my lecturer about my failed first, Maths quiz (yeahh, I know, shame!). She taught me the right answers and how to come up with those solutions, I just nodded to all the solutions. Then suddenly, she looked at me in the eyes with large, black eyes surveying my whole face..and asked:

"Do you feel inferior?", she's still staring.

"I..I guess so...", I said as if it was my first time to figure out that i do have it.

And so my straight-faced but a concerned lecturer told me her story of inferiority. She told me that she was a failure, not just in English but also in Maths. She used to feel inferior that girls of her age solves the mathematical problems in no time, leaving her still solving in the middle step. "Who wouldn't be envy? They're so clever!", she quoted. Yeahh..I get her. If those girls finished faster than her, her lecture will call out for a "faster" call to those still solving--that cracks me out, bacause I have to solve it even faster. Then she told me that she failed her English Qualification Exam for students going abroad, and that she strive so hard to pass it on her second try.

Well, her voice of experience are just so realistic and inspiring, but what stroked me the most is the her first question that brought up the whole topic. Yes, I do feel inferior. But I'm somehow blessed that I have good people behind me. I mean, not all children who discovered they're different or they don't excel in a field most children do (like playing sports or solving maths problems), have trustworthy and loving friends and family with them to tell them they are not that bad after all.

"The roots of all my inferiority is a small piece of crap", I digested this one to boost my confidence. So Why am I keep on thinking about it in the first place?

I've learned my lessons in the hard way. In a way that only time can mend. I've learned that people are good in different fields of skills and that I just happen to be not so good in Maths. All I have to do is to pat myself to conscious efforts on the back for the things I do well. I don't need to always come in first to be the best.

And I guess it's a good start of motivation to any of you who has the same kind of inferiority that I do. Oh! There you go! My first dramatic entry. haha..that's it for now. Ciao!

cleaning night!

2008-07-09T04:25:00.000-07:00

Well, It's good to be back on my Cyber spotlight where I have the liberty to speak out whatever it is that's bugging my "tinee-tiny" head! haha..yeahh..well, things are quite busy these days because of my a somehow demanding core course where I have to practice most of the time in computing the damn hard problems! But still, life is sweet as it is despite of the bitterness of pressure trying to conquer me. I mean, even though I'm sucking all the Maths and Accounting problems every week to improve my brain's logical capacity, I always have a spare moment to unwine and hang out with my roomies.

7Th of July was my Jene's (it's a Kyrgyz word I love to call her) 19Th birthday. We decided to have a small dinner like how we usually celebrate birthdays. And yeahh..I know another year older, which we actually bother to count every single moment in our lives even though we practically know we'll be older as it's nature.

And just as we came back from having our dinner, merrily laughing as we climb up in the stairs, when suddenly, our room Mushrifa reminded us for the room clean-up operation for tomorrow. Gosh! Why does she has to ruin the time of our lives? Well, anyway..she ought to remind us..coz some people really need to be reminded--like somebody I know.

So, we cleaned to room in the night we agreed to do so. We divided ourselves into 3 teams: 1 team in the toilet, 1 in the bed room and 1 in the study room. I was ready to clean the toilet when a beaming Jo came up to me, almost wanted to say: "I'll do it!", and so i chose the study room instead. We removed all our belongings under our beds and in the study room to make way for the brooms to sweep away the stock of dusts that's scattered around our full house. And yeahh, there are like 20 of us in the room now, let me tell you.

We were all taking our time wiping and brushing whatever that it is that we have to wipe and brush, when a girl as skinny as ever whom we always call SG (and darling, the meaning will always be a secret i'll never tell), asked if she can leave already coz she has a meeting. And the thought of looking for D was brought up since she's the 2nd skinniest girl in the room. Where she is? God knows. Can you imagine 19 of your roomies are cleaning, 1 left for another important business, and you're no where to be found doing you thing--knowing that you have to with them cleaning? Oh boy--shame!

So mush for D's laziness. We sweep and mop, sweep and mop the floor in the bed room--and lastly, we brushed it. Yes, you read it right, we brushed it. Actually it was an 11th hour discussion that they want to walk bare foot inside the bed room, so, they themseleves volunteered to brush it thoroughtly. Then that means--SHOES OFF! I salute them. They're really hard working. Shame on me coz I never knew!

In roughly 2 hours, we're proud enough to say that our room in newly polished. Oh God, it feels good to feel clean. Everyone automatically arranged back their things to where they belong. The mats, the bed sheets, the shoes--specially the shoes. Then for a moment I felt really tired! haha..

But it was all worth it. All the sweat and dusts are all worth it! Our room is cleaner than ever now! Compared to the first we cleaned it.

I'm satisfied.

Amiecha's 20th Birthday!

2008-06-27T06:37:00.000-07:00

Hey there connivers! It's Miecha's birthday last 25th of June. And yes, she's a gaining a year older again as normal people do, she's 20 now! Woohoo! The age nearing to legalism--though she turned 18, two years ago, there are still such things she can't do. Like what? Let me think? Ummp..driving? Hah. Yeahh..you got it right! She bumped into this--someone else's car (I'm not really sure, but surely, it was a bad bump) while she was on a test drive. Haha..well, our Miecha finally now has her own wheels now, however she can't drive it yet! haha..Now that she's a year away from independence, I wonder what's the first thing she'd do??

But let's don't get too far yet. Let's focus unto something near for now, It's her birthday! haha..last 24th day of June at nigh, we--me and the rest of my old roomies-- stayed unusually up at that night to having our midnight snack. We were just randomly reading our textbooks, some are reading novels they borrowed from the lib, gossiping and some are just plainly eating! Then, when Henny fall to check that it was exactly 12:01am, everybody stared and exchanged sheepish smiles at Miecha. Yeahh..it's not everyday that you turn 20, isn't? But it's not the reason were staring..it's because..She's OLD now! haha..we loved to tease her that she's old but she never gets pissed off though the truth hurts! haha..

We sang a very lousy Happy Birthday song and give her a very big bear hug!

But before anything else, of course were aware that it was her birthday on the 25th. So Henny and I planned weeks ago of what to give our beloved Miecha. First, the idea of black spider brooches came. But then, se has a lot already. Then, we thought of a book. A novel maybe..but her taste of books never matches our "pre-teen" (as she loves to quote it) taste. And finally, we decided of buying a cake. A rectangular chocolate cake made from Secret Recipe with the greeting:

"Happy Birthday Miecha..love BT :)", which we know that will really piss her off but still will be eating it since it's not as dangerous as the said sender's fangs! haha..

However, our evil plan didn't work out, as our schedules and financial problems weren't settled until the day of Miecha's birthday. So we tried to plan another evilness by asking her out for dinner with FBB and BT (of course BT is not in the first plan but we decided to why not, anyway). It's gonna be a laugh, we thought! Then suddenly, the night before the event, she casually said that she wanna have dinner with the girls (meaning the resident A1-1's before). So who are we to clash her plans?

The night in her birthday, Hazel** and I decided to ditch the Committee meeting for a dinner with he girls. We ate at Tea Box, a really gloomy and remote resto you can find at the back of block E and an intersection from Block G. It's merely the last resto at back of Block E so no one really eat there, unless they really wanna eat and all the restos in a hundred meter walking distance are filled with the Juniors!

We have no choice but to seat our fluffy butts there and sunk in to the gloominess of the place. Although three of our old roomies weren't there, we managed to enjoy by criticizing the lady in one of the oldest and yuckiest MTV on earth ever made! haha..

But one thing's weird, we never took photos! How could we live?! Goodness. We laughed a lot, I guess that's why the thought of capturing the moment was totally forgotten.

Miecha's last words:

" I'm happy that I enjoyed my last year of teenage with you guys. And I think there's nothing wrong with getting old with you."

Aww..and that day Henny promised not to tease Miecha about BT for the rest of the day! (at least just for a day!)

core courses + new lecturers + all new classmates / SHORT-y = NEW SEM!!!

2008-06-23T02:17:00.000-07:00

Oh my dear bloggers! I'm here once again to share some of my frustrations and madness, now that new sem has entered!

My Core Courses!

Im really excited for my 1st core courses this sem that consists of: Accounting I, Maths I, and Statistics! Among all, Accounting is the only subject I don't have any background of. Gosh! Who would say I would end up in Accounting , anyway!? haha..They say that Accounting is really boring and that most of the students taking it for their first core course never get A. But for me, it really depends upon you. Though I'm still on the level of knowing the fundamentals of Accounting, I can say that learning is really lasts by heart. And that's what I'm aiming this new sem: "Learn everything, even though how hard it is, by heart". And mind you, it really helps! (my Arabic class is one good example.) Good luck to me! :)

+ New Lecturers!

Yup! Next to my subjects, my lecturers are always my next stop. You won't go spending the rest of 4 hours every week per subject with some boring lecturers that talks 500 words a minute, right? That's my main purpose of going to class in the very first day. Hah. I would check out how they deal with their students. how can they help us gain some knowledge? are they sarcastic? do they gabble? Gosh. Seriously, there are some lecturers I now that gabbles a lot and they don't even notice it. Try telling them and they'll give you the looks saying; "one more minute".

But I'm so happy we have really nice lecturers who all belong to the Tudung L***** Clan a.k.a. TLC! haha..They're really cool and open-minded..and they make things easier and comprehensive to the students! Goodness! Though they're TLC, they Rock! Hope for my next core courses (specially in Maths II), at least one of them would be my lecturer!

+ All New Classmates!!!

As you all know, this sem is the 1st sem open of IIUM for the juniours who just graduated from High School. That's why most of my new classmates are new intakes a.k.a. the juniours (which I don't are any younger than me)! Oh God, I was hoping for some yummy eye-candies tehm sem, but them seem to be not that mouth-watering than I was expecting it to be!

On the other hand, I have my old roomies with me, namely: Fareeha, Amy, Jo, Aisulu (just for Arabic and and BTQ) with almost all of my sujects!!! Nyahaha!!! Then that means, I can have my own living alarm clock! I can nwon't be late again (or at least just for some times) and people won't be talking to me in an alien language! hehe..kidding..but i'm really thankful their around, and thank Goodness to the Department of Econs for this marvelous idea of putting all the international students taking the same courses, in the same group! Things are getting tougher now, but with them beside me, I feel safe.

/ SHORT-y..

There's this guy I knew since last sem because of my roomies' annoying giggles of "OHMIGAWWD!"...so I join in their circle to know the cause of 'Ohmigawding'..and turns out that this particular guy their referring to is, ummhp..how do you say..short. What's the big deal?, I thought. So mean that they're laughting at him behind his back coz he's short. But when I saw him walking with my, not-so-short friend--but I figure is the shortest among all the guys I know--I was convinced, he's really (OUCh! I know.) short.

So what's the bigger deal? Well, let's say it this way, he.is.my.classmate! Yup! For this sem, I'll be seeing him everyday, to all of my core courses! Goodness. Not to be mean, but I'm not comfortable of having him around. Especially when he started to be close to my sort-of-bf, he kind of lingers around the open air since then! AND.IT'S.ANNOYING! I'm not about all the short-y-ness, Im short as well, ok! But it really bothers me when he's around. Gosh, I'm running mad.

= NEW SEM!!!

I'm looking forward of scoring high this sem. After all, aiming and dreaming is free of charge! hehe..I wanna live my matric days to he fullest, as three of my beloved roomies are leaving this sem for Gombak. But "no worries", keep on telling myself. I'll be going there (main campus) soon and live together again all in one room! Woow!

I know i'll be extremely missing them since it's never been the same without them, but for now, we'll have fun! We'll ROCk this new sem! hahah..

GOOD LUCK TO US!!! :)

20 OBVIOUS SIGNS That a Pretty Boy Likes My Bestie!

2008-06-18T04:48:00.000-07:00

Hey there! It's good to be back! The Taa'ruf week is over and class resumed for a week now. But I can still smell the blossoms of love in air during the last week's holidays..

What am I talking about? Well, if your a big fan of observing like me, it won't be hard for you notice that someone, so well featuered guy is up to something more friendlier. Henny (well, I'd practically be dead if I spill out her name on an online public diary) and I were always together. Specially this past few weeks that we stayed for the holidays for the Taa'ruf week. That's why it's really hard for me to not notice that Fbb lingers around us.

Let's go straight to the point, there's a pretty boy named Fbb (why Fbb? that's a secret i'll never tell), whom we used to think is a gay! hehe..actually, I was happy to hear that he's not gay coz he's--I admit it, cute (with that perfectly trimmed, white, beaming teeth of his? oh God.). And for such a gift like that, it's really a turn off to know that he belongs to the 3rd sex! Thank God he's not. But there's another thing that's bothering me..and I think my instincts are true..that FBB..is in Love with Henny..

And Im ready to bet my 20 theories that this preety boy is trully, madly, crazy in love with you Henny!

20 OBVIOUS SIGNS That a Pretty Boy Likes My Bestie!

1. He want to walk with her.

- Woohoo! I guess this is a ramdom one. Every guy has this first move to their girls. I mean, you know, its basic principle is to know if the girl is taller than the guy. And for their case, their on the same height. Saved!

2. He asks her out. (DUH?)

-speaking of random, asking out a.k.a. dating is another obvious sign, for God's sake! I mean, most guy's don't just ask their girl friends for a lunch, and specifically state he just want to have it with you!

3. He gives (or even steals) you stuffs that you don't even ask for, and that he can just rather give it to the needy than to you.

-OK. I know it's not so sweet if I tell you that Fbb stole some dinner package in the counter to impress Henny. But he really did! hehe..poor Fbb..he got my symphaty..but not in stealing, dude!

4. He asks he's friend to come along with them for lunch to--to cover up the fact that, that lunch was his dream date! hah.

-you see, UIA is an Islamic Uni and that coupling (which is practically not a word they just made of to describe dating in another form) is totally prohibited. So what are friends are for? To back them up, of course!

5. He admires her features.

-OK. It's really sweet of him to call her Angelina Jolie look-a-like when he noticed her ala Angie lips of hers. But degrading my being by calling me a kampung girl is not so sweet Fbb! Anyway, that just shows that he can only appreciate Henny's distinctive features! hehe..

6. He stares at her.

-Gosh. This one might sound like a stalker, but he really stares ala Nate Archivald as his piercing eyes where darted to, who else..Henny!

7. He miscalls to call her attention!

-well, what really is the main purpose fo miscalling? To know if she's using the right phone number? But this just lack of attention, im sure!

8. He calls her princess. (Eww!!! Yuckidyyuck!!!)

-I know it's gross but it's called 'romantic' in those times when Tokyo used to be called Edo. Ninjas are dying to protect their other halves whom they love to call 'princess'. Aww..but now I'm wondering if Fbb is really 19 or if he lived million years ago?!

9. He perves on her! Hah.

-even though your playing the lamest sport on earth which you lazily refuse to contribute yourself fully, is not buying his way out from perving at you! And denies to be perving by saying:

" I just passed by here (the parking space) and I saw you're playing badminton! :)", which is kind a lame coz you can only see people inside if you intently look at them!

10. He sms' with the smiley face at the end.

- Again, I don't like this move. But this crap is intended to brighten up someone's day, so Fbb really did a research to do such a move! haha..

11. He hints her on his messages.

-poor thing..Fbb sends Henny message like:

" I'm totally free right now! :) (again with the smiley face!)", meaning he wants you to say something or even show that he said a general statement saying he wants you to care.

12. He can't look at her in the eye.

-whenever they're seated together or their walking somewhere, he can't look at her! haha..

13. He sounds like he's asking permission to you to where he's going.

-like you were his girlfriend err..more like a mom as he states his daily routine to you. Where he's going, what the hell is he doing there..you name it! In short, he's reassuring you that your he's only girl and that he's a good boy! hehe..

14. He acknowledges her presence.

-emphasized the word BOTH when he saw me and Henny walking near him one day, to distinguish the fact that he wants her presence, not mine, and her ALONE!

15. He teases her.

-whoever suggested that teasing game is a good stepping stone to a blossoming puppy love, I salute you!

16. But he's afraid to make her angry.

-Like most guys do, they tease you 'til you're brain come out and had nothing to say but "LEAVE ME ALONE!". However, when they show symphaty to your mood, he so like you, girl!

17. He apologizes millions and millions of times.

- he begs for your forgiveness countless times even though you already told him you're fine and you don't look pissed at all.

18. He asks me random questions to make me busy whereas he's not paying attention to my speech at all.

-He noticed one of the trustworthy chaperons is bored so he nicely interrogated her. But the whole time that I was talking to him, his just physically there on his seat but his soul is with the feminine figure beside me.

19. He loves her around.

-my partner for emceeing nicely told me to get loss since she can handle things on her own. But Fbb purposely gave Henny a job to keep her around in a matter of 20 meters away!

20. He sees her everywhere!!!

- this sign is the most lunatic theory that this pretty boy is crazy about her, coz It's not normal that he sees her everywhere! But if you ask me 'How'? I say, by secretly checking her out. Simple as that.

Now I can really feel the end of my life. Please send my love to all of love ones..Mama, Nana, Hanie, MJ..I love you all!!! Im sorry I can't go home next summer in Philippines coz my time has come...

Bye unfair World..Henny's gonna kill me any minute now..

POKA!

Your Mortal Enemy

2008-06-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

College Life is really tough, indeed. Frustrating exams, full-packed schedule, grumpy lecturers, annoying classmates..and tons and tons of assignments! But if you think they're your best enemies for winning a heavy-weight belt of college fun--boy, think again! Things are harder to accomplish if they're totally near to accomplishment. Things that can talk and refuses to understand the logic of humanity are not robots. What am I talking about? Actually, it's a 'Who?'... your roommate of course!

Not all roomies are meant to be best friends forever like what we saw on the telies. Sometimes it could be really hard to deal with your roomie, specially if she/he happens to be not the most rational person on earth and fails to be polite and persuades you to go her way. Well, it'll be fine if he/she persuades you, but if he/she boastfully take your chance to choose -- that's another thing!

Why am I talking about this? Recently, we moved back to our original dorms as the class will be resuming in a matter of 2 days. But before we left our undesirable room, we plastered our names desperately to the beds of our choice (seriously, one thing you need to be reminded of is to pick the best bed ever in order to survive in Nilai). And so, I picked the bottom bunk in the middle of the room, complete with all the benefits, of course. hehe..coz you know since last sem (short sem), I've been dying to have the bottom bed near the outlets, not--even a meter--near the toilet (PUH-PLEASE! I am not, in any cases, would be eating inside the room if I happen to fall on the ugliest bunk ever! With the condition of our toilet? never mind. ), the light centered on it and most of all, near the FAN! (hah!) Well, it's new sem after all. Meaning: new beds, new tables, and new lockers. So we're free to choose!

Moving on..we finally moved back and unpacked our stuffs. OH, it's good to be back! haha..I was about to unpack when one of my old roomie, Alena (her unpopular name,of course), came as she heard that we're moving back. She was surprised that all the nice-situated beds were all booked, leaving only one bottom bunk against the wall and the top bunks. She walked from the entrance door of the room to the toilet, back and forth, surveying the condition of every single beds. And when she finally stopped at the bed by the wall, I thought she would settle with it. But NO. Her and her some sort of country mate, pulled the bed out from the corner, took off all the mats along the way and squeezed the poor double-decker bed in the tiniest space she can possibly squeeze it in. Letting the vision of her future beddie of scratching her butt against another bed, making it impossible for her to climb up.

But I was greatful she realised how horrific her idea was that she decide to move it again to the other side of the room. Ohmigod! Did I just said other side the room? Then that means, it's my side. And yes, she asked my permission first to put her bed in between the 2 beds, which means she wanna take the portion intended for my locker and combine our lockers in the corner by the door. At first I don't like the idea, but I agreed anyway. Her and her partner in crime since last sem picked new tables in the study room which basically is owned by the resident girls already.

The next day, our other roomies came and complained about the really small space in climbing up. (Goodness! they barely know that it s old place was worst than that) And serious arguments occurred.

The first girl went like:

" huh? are they crazy?!! What did they do??" (meaning, us. I've learned to figure out that it's us they're talking about when they say THEY), as she dropped her laugage dramatically.

The second girl was fortunately a calm one, and just said:

"What happened?", as she look around until her dark eyes reached mine, but all I can do is to look at Alena. (Shhish! Why is it harder to explain the unfair truth to such a sweet and calm person like A**??)

Then Alena headed me to the study room to sort out the glitch. I thank her for blaming me that the girl that will occupy my upper bunk is freaking kind that she can't just shut her out. Argh. I'm so pissed! I see this coming but I barely do anything. Instead, I agreed to whatever she said. But then I still didn't move. I rested my head to the comfort of my new bed coz I'm partially speech-impaired.

The next thing I know, two girls went raising their voice at each other as the old resident girl (we call "M") demanded for her old table back which the new girl (we call "S") already took (and mind you, S is really territorial that she put her picture frame on the table)!

"excuse me..I want to put my things in my table..so please move your things..", M said trying to be politely sarcastic towards S.

"I already wiped this table with powder and your things are there," she pointed to M's box under other's table.

"No. This is my table. I put my stuffs under it! You just moved it!", exclaimed M, losing her cool.

"Why? Did you buy this??!!", now finally, S lost her cool as well.

Oh my God..we can't help it if we have our own attitudes towards things that will really affect our needs, but hang on girl. Don't let selfishness eat your whole being...think not just for yourself but also for others! Coz mind you, it's hard to stay in one room with someone you barely meet the eye.

(but good thing they didn't end up on a cat fight! hehe)

2008-06-11T00:56:00.000-07:00

My Clashed Holidays! Argh.

2008-06-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

Im really sorry bloggers..gosh! It has been ages since I updated my blog. Well, I've been blaming my laziness and lack of interesting thoughts I can share you guys. I mean, I know it sucks to just complain on how unfair the world could be to us, right? So, since Blog is most likely a public diary, I would love to share to you all readers the latest and not so moarnful events of my life.

What's up?? I was really happy that last Friday was my last paper! haha..then that means, right after the exam, it's HOLIDAYS! I packed my stuffs the night before the exam out of my excitement! Oh God, I can't believe I've got loads and loads of things in my locker that I haven't used and never thought of using in the future. You see, that's the thing about being a shopaholic. You tend to buy and buy things that you think you like, then dump them somewhere a few weeks later as you found them no longer attractive. Gosh! Should I sell them? If only I can open a mini-garage sale in from of my room! haha..I can collaborate with my roommates if they have old or even new things that they're not using anymore! It could be a hit! haha..many girls..as long as they are girls (correct me if Im wrong)..they will surely love shopping! yeahh..I'll be known as the "Filipina-Garage-Queen" in CFS! haha..Oh my Gawdd. And Im imagining, as I deal with a girl looking for a nice pink brouch to match her pink,silk baju kurung..the Mahallah (hostel) fellow came and confiscated my products!

" I CAN summon you, you know?!!! ", exclaims the mad Mahallah leader, firmly pointing out the word summon in front of my face as I watch my products being harshly packed.

" You don't understand..", I cried as I start kneeling down in the floor, grabbing her right hand..

OK.

ENOUGH. Im just imagining it, OK. But now it's creeping me out. And the last part reminds me of Arthie from Shrek 3, as he begs the old, short-robed Merlin to cast them a spell. haha..

Moving on..Hawa and I bot the bus going to PJ at 5pm, the afternoon after the jumaat prayer. Gosh! we're so holiday-deprived and it shows as we're dying to get our ass out of Nilai as early as we can. We reached Gombak and had a dinner with Hannah (my countrymate). Then, I met A**r, Hawa's classmate in High School, with the really cute voice (that will most probably suit a 12-year-old girl). Then again, after dinner is another boring night. So we decided to plan everything first before anything else.

SATRUDAY/ June 07:

-we'll visit Jene's house to..basically, to disturb her peaceful life! haha..

SUNDAY/ June 08:
-we'll savour the moment we have to roam around Gombak campus and check-out some hot guys! haha..since it's still school days in there! and we'll eat..and then walk again..and eat once again! Oh God, we're like living in a stone age and the only thing humans do is to eat, hunt and eat some more!

MONDAY/ June 09:

-we're planning to disturb another innocent and peaceful life, Mika's house! haha..coz I haven't swim for a year now coz Im afraid to get dark! But now, im craving to soak myself in the cool water and do whatevr I want under the sun! Then, after that we're planning of having a bit of shopping and head out butts back to Nilai.

Uhu. That's basically the outline of our three-day-holiday. But it all changed on a late Saturday night, when we recieved a text message from the Taaruf Coordinator that we will have to go back for a briefing session of all The MCs. Gosh! Our plans have clashed on an early bus trip on about 6:45 on a cold Sunday morning. And it was raining for God's sake!!! I can just remember myself laughing as Hawa swear in her every step in the tarmac. I bet we're the earliest passengers ever that morning. The sky is still on its dreamy, dark blue state and you can still feel the 'ZzZzZzZ' of everybody. So far, we just managed to visit Jene's house. huhu..but it doesn't matter. What really matters is the 1 hour journey in the uber slow tube of the KTM. God, if only we have a choice, KTM would be my last option. It was a good deal of boredom that invited drowsyness to come..and yeahh we slept! The next thing we know, we're only 2 stations away from Nilai. We woke up in the station called BANGI, that happened to be BAI GI as what is written in the sign board. And what do you expect us to do? We panicked, of course! We're foreigners. There's no such thing as getting lost for us. Coz most of the time, no one can help us but ourselves! Turns out the other half of the letter N was removed because of the oldness of the sign board. haha..CRAP! Hawa's reaction really damn convinced me that we're lost! haha..

We arrived just right in time for us to grab lunch and attend the briefing . So guys, see you this Thursday and Friday morning in the field as I'll be your MC for two programs of the Taa'ruf week in Nilai.

HANG ON, i forgot: WELCOME NEWBIES!!!

ciao! ciao! ;>

Frisson??

2008-05-23T03:22:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you of a story of one of my annoying love stories, i swear i don't want to happen again. Well, there's this guy I like from last sem..he's buff, tall, dark and (yup! u got it) handsome! haha..so much of the fairytale! He's really nice. Everybody likes him..and when I say everybody, I mean most of the girIs (the GmGs to be exact)! Oh well, I cant blame them..he came from a somewhat M*****y School where the students are known to be so disciplined and not to mention..smart!

I first met him in a dinner where we are not supposed to be going. But we went instead to accompany a friend. Ok! when the first time I saw him, I thought he's drunk. Oh c'mon! If you saw someone with a really heavy eye bags and looks at you as if you're the prettiest girl in the world (whereas ur not), of course you'll thought that he's somewhat not in conscious! hehe..alright moving on. We found it uncomfortable to hang-out with guys in that time of the night, so we just separated with them and eat to the nearest cafe'. As we finished, we found ourselves stumbling to the karaoke restobar where my not-so-good friends where..and he happens to be their friend as well! Yeahh..u see..Im really not in this world. I thought he was just someone who happens to walk with us. (I know, Im dumb) hehe..

yeahh..as the creepy night goes on, one of Sarah's (her unpopular name) friend came up to us and offered us a sit. I was about to think he's a gentleman when suddenly he offered us to have some Sh**h*! An another kind of smoke- which those guys denied to be a smoke- that originated from Dubai. (Crap! Im really missing lots of my perspectives here.) Then, he asked our names one by one like an old man. So we introduced ourselves feeling like we really wanna leave! OMG! After he asked our names, that crap never left us! He was with us the whole time, he was bubbling stories of his not-so-depressing life that he exaggeratively described as DEPRESSING and lost!

"MAKE UR MAMA PROUD!!! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!!!!", exclaimed that crazy guy, while pointing on my nose, making the other table look at me like I was an alien! It was sooooo embarrassing!!!

Crap! But the good thing about it is that he introduced us to some other guys (not as crazy as him), which happens to be **y and the guy im pertaining to I called later on "My Guy" . But my guy was so, kind of or let's face it, really high that time that he just settled down on his place and looking up as if wishing the stars will fall down on his eyes! He never talked to me taht night. whereas **y grabbed a chair and was uncomfortably leaning on me. I was told by that crazy guy a while ago that **y came from the place i used to live and turns out that he just lived there for a year.

It's really annoying to talk to **y coz he processes questions on his head slowly. When i say slowly, It's really slow!! No offense but I was really mad that.. that crazy guy let me talk to this dumb and wasted my golden 15 mins., just by waiting for him to process things on his head! Finally, Turkey called him for his turn on another round of Sh**h*. Then, the crazy guy started to fill the blank sit again by his fluffy butt and started bubbling (again). But this time, I'm crapped out! I really wanna leave. and Im glad that my friends weren't that stupid not to notice this crap going on. We said our goodbyes and went.

By the time we reached our dorm, Sarah's phone rang. It was just a missed call from someone unregistered on her phone. So we tried to call back, but the guy just simply said he happened to ring the wrong number. However, Sarah gave me the number in case he will ring any of us. I rang him the next evening and he told me his name.

The next day, I went to my 1st Arabic class. I hate this class! I feel like I was an alien for everybody. No familiar faces. No one I could really talk to. But alienism (is there such thing??) broke when my lecturer roll called our names, and I found out that he's my classmate for God's sake!!! haha..mapagbirong tadhana! Now, i had a reason to go my horrible Arabic class!

The class went 4 times a week, 2 hours a day, for 3 months! Can u imagine how often I see him for the past 3 months?? Actually, I really had the dose of him, but..still. I found myself liking him among hundreds of guys in our campus. Our communication didn't stop by just asking his name. We send each other some forwarded msgs and some creepy good nights!! There was this day when I was so bored, so i rang him. And he called back! haha..(that was unexpected..) He asked he if anything wrong or what happen . .I cant tell him I was just bored so i disturbed him, so I said I happen to press my speed dial..which is, I know, a lame excuse!

But as the day past by, we seldom talk. Suddenly there's this sort of barrier between us that forbids us to get through. I know he knew I have something for him. Duh? Of course he knows! I just didn't expect that he would act that way..and so..the frisson....ends.

im bored..

2008-05-14T01:43:00.000-07:00

I was thinking of not updating this page for as long as it exist!! haha..but poor thing! coz what would I write?? im suffering on a writer's block now..that every thought that passess me is not absorbing my delicate, crumpled brain!

But i realized..no one would ever dare to visit this page..no one would ever take a glimpse of it..However, i'll be known as "the girl who never ever updated her blog"! haha..u think that's sad?? Nah..there's sadder than that. Like how i have to write 3 essays in 3 days time and how i have to deal with the Giggling M**** Girls (aka GmG) everyday..now that's sad! Or worse, PATHETIC!!! can you imagine socializing with them but at the back of ur mind u really wanna leave??

Oh My God! I dont know why Im having this really bad temper these days..maybe i need some sleep! (Oh wait! kabuwana ko naba?? nvr mind) Im so stressed! Can you feel me?? haha..DONT! it's so infectious you can't stand it! Anyway, 2 days from now will be holidays already..then that means?? OUTING!! yeah..i need that one! I need to get out of here and breath. I need some fresh air and some sun! haha..so this weekend i'll be spending the holidays with mah fwendz in a place called Genting Highlands. Im excited not for the fact that someone really familiar to me is coming, but because I've never been there. Everybody seems to know that place and always testifies that its realy amazing! So im like, "REALLY??". I mean, if you've heard how they testify it you would really drive to the "really mood". hehe..so yeahh..we're going this weekend .. and Im looking forward to see this particular guy I like..oh yeah! I havent told you about him!

He's someone from Far Far Away, in the kingdom of Middle Asia. He's 5'9 tall (yeah..i know im just until his chest!) and slim. He's on my class in Arabic extra class, and he's not what u call a student (if you know what i mean!). He's SO obssess with his country and he will mention it (specifiacally the name of the country) countless times until you will be forced to always change the topic whenever he provoke it! Sometimes I think he would rather marry his country than a living woman! But..ur wondering how can I stand to date him?? Well, di q alam! I dont know..all of the sudden it occured to me that I need someone to talk to.. and TADA! He's just right behind me, waiting for someone to talk to as well! Can you imagine how we shared the same disease?? It's a long story indeed. You totally dont wanna know!

Alright. So much of this bordom..

a day..whatever you call it!

2008-05-07T21:38:00.000-07:00

well..i really feel weird about myself today! you know, i woke up 8:20 in the morning feeling relieved of these past few days of lack of sleep..when suddenly i checked my hp and found out i have class for this creepy listening--a totally hatable class (hate+able, is there such thing? haha) ..so i have to run all the way to the toilet to wash my oilyyy face! but when i slided my big head on the top of my table, turns out my class is at 2pm!! gosh! Its once in a million years that i would go rushing my butt to the bathroom coz im freakishly late for class (not even for arabic)! and some more..it turns out that my hatable class is cancelled and nobody ever cared to tell me that! great.

on the brighter side, i only have 1 class today..haha!! everything happens for a reason,huh? I love God. we had an open-notes-8-questions quiz for understanding islam. .who would'nt love that?? its the shortest quiz ive ever been! its like less than 20mins?! hehe..(xiaro di na mahuman daun!)

and so the shortest quiz in my life ended in less than 20mins..and we still have time to chill and eat our first ever intentional breakfast (coz Im not the breakfast type) in the nearest non-poisonous restaurant from our barried mahallah! and guess what? my dying guy is there (mik, i mean d 1st 1 alright?!)! the one that i cn only see for twice a sem! but still.. ahh. .he's so CUTE! he waved at me with his beaming smile--its like i can see only him and no one else! oh my god! can somebody pinch me??!! OK. i know it sound so PRE-TEEN..but..but..OK (inhale.exhale.).

and there goes my day..
oh wait..its raining?? gotta go.

o cge, paalam! ;)