A lesson learned

It's been 8 months since our twin roommates went off UIA for a different uni. Well, not to be sadistic or anything, but I was (or at least most of my roommies were) happy that they left. We're not even close, that is. So, saying good byes with wasn't that much of a challenge. They went packed their stuffs on a fair Saturday morning and left. Their close friends were of course, sorrowful about it, but at the same time excited to rennovate our room since 2 more beds were emptied.

I never wondered where they were these past 8 months since I barely know anything about them. If I didn't care about them when they were here, why worry when they're out? I told myself as a part of my whole process of not getting too attached. Sometimes it's hard to let go of something if you get too attached to it, emotionally. I've learned it the hard way during high school when my parents abruptly decided of moving to Davao permanently. My friends in Manila didn't know we'll be living a lifetime there, of course (coz I didn't tell them and because I'm still holding to the thought of going back). Through the years I cling in to the thought that one day I'll be back in Manila to live the materialistic world I used to live with--meet my friends, have fun, shopping, buy this and that! But come on, I can't live with such a thought like that. I mean, they're not realistic and practical enough to cling on to, I convinced myself. Then again, I said good bye to detach myself from whatever that's pulling me down..and move on.

Now that some of friends are moving out from our room, good byes are not so easily uttered. They're my closest friends. The girls who told me, " Olf, you're 17, stop peeing in your pyjamas!" and "Hey, I saw your guy, and he's HOT! Don't give him up!" I totally grew from being a schoolgirl to a lady when I started being friends with them. They taught me a lot of things what a girl friend would ever wanted to hear. But then again, I shouldn't get too attached. We'll see each other again, albeit not that often, but still. I've loved them like my older sisters, but I have to let them go...then I can say good bye.

Every beginning has an end. But that also means that new things will arouse and that's the whole point of ending. (..So epic!) *chuckles*

It's not LOVE, for God's sake!

I've been verbally harrassed by Alena these days. She keeps on insisting of having "..a sudden dispersion of love" -- even in love talks she thought about stats-- between me and this particular guy that has been our good friend since we came to UIA. But even though how many million times I told her that he's just like my big bro and I'm just he's lil sis, she still insists! Oh God. One day, I surrendered and said, "yeah, yeah..we're in love", just to shut her up. But that was a wrong move. She teased me even more. *sob*

Well, I've been fairly kind with this particular guy that's why she's teasing me. But I'm kind to all the guys I know, well, except for those perverts, though. But all in all, I'm a good friend towards guys as one of my guy friends testified a year ago. I mean, there's no reason to be rude to anyone, even if they're guys as long as they're decent on dealing with you. So, I see no point to be mean to this guy Alena was teasing me from.

But when would she stop her annoying teasing session? I wondered. But one thing is certain, IT'S NOT LOVE!

Being back doesn't mean no more fun!

I just got back to Nilai yesterday after my intended holidays! I unpacked my stuffs and vowed to study after a few hours of nap. It's just a week ago since I left this room but it feels like years. I walked around the room and sat next to Alena. I glanced on what she's doing, and man, her books are everywhere like she studied from dawn to dusk that she couldn't be bothered to clean them. Study-holic much? It seems like things never change after all. Then, she turned to me.

"Hi," she said smiling. "how's your holidays?"
"it was fun!", I said, then i burst out telling my whole holiday experience.

We sat there 'til we run-out of things to talk about and decide to eat when Miecha came. We ordered pizza for dinner which was Miecha's treat and some cakes and pastries. We had this movie marathon which was all a courtesy of Miecha! It was like a pajama party minus the awareness of it! *laughs* Who would protest we can't still be holidays?

Damn all these tear jerker films!

It’s been ages since I remembered watching 'A Walk to Remember', starring Mandy Moore and Shane West, one of those tear jerker films that I’ve watched my whole life which made me confess my embarrassing cry. Now, there’s another film I swore I should’ve watched.

It was cozy Monday morning, about quarter to one and I was all alone, really bored; I wouldn’t mind watching anything that is there Asmin downloaded. I browsed through her movie files and found a movie entitled, “NB”. What the hell is NB? I thought. I clicked on it and turned out to be The Notebook starring Rachel McAdams (who played the bitch from Mean Girls) and Ryan Gosling (so hot--from the series, Hercules)! I startled for a while then started concentrating in the scene when Noah left Alie for good. He chose to make a distance between them to think about their priorities before they actually continue their relationship. But in the middle of their hot convo as Alie shouts at Noah’s face that everything’s not yet over between them, Hannah took a really loud and long snore that would probably wake the Arab girls next door. Fuh, if only Mr. P (her guy) knows better.

Anyway, I was telling you already the touchy part. But let me tell you the start of all beginnings once in for all. Alie is a rich, smart and pretty 17-year-old girl who lives life according to her parents rule. She’s a really free-spirited debutant who just can’t have the chance to do her thing. So, in a summer vacation in the middle of High School, her family went on a summer house near the lake. There she hangs out with some of her girl friends. They spend the whole day and night having the time of their lives. One day when she went out on a double date with her friend in a carnival, Noah realized she’s the one for him. Sounds so cheesy, huh? But that’s why it’s romantic. As I was saying, Noah liked Alie the first time he met her, so the poor guy asked the pretty, young lady to dance with him. But Alie out of sarcasm refused to which didn’t seem to discourage Noah at all. He climbed up the peeress wheel where Alie and her date was and introduced his self, impulsively, and asked her to date him. Of course, I would be disgusted as well, so Alie refused to, again. But this time, Noah threatened her of committing suicide if she won’t (so stupid!). Alie freaked out and just said yes to get it over but Noah reached out the iron bars of the peeress wheel and grinned for “atlas”. Alie was so pissed off; she pulled Noah’s pants off his waist.

After that, they started dating and a summer romance bloomed. Well the dating part, you know how it goes, right? Yeahh..so as their relationship grew, they have to choose whether to what they want or what they should. Alie, as young as she is, chose to go back to the city and study while Noah volunteered in a military mission as one of the back-up soldiers of the America. But even when they’re apart, they believed that things are still the same between them. Noah wrote 365 letters to Alie as a means of saying how much he loved her. But Alie’s mom barred all those letters in reaching Alie and made her believe that Noah did forget about her.
Time passed by so fast, after 7 years, Alie was already engaged to a rich and powerful man of their time when Noah finally found Alie. He didn’t expect Alie to forget him and found a new love. Instead, he preoccupied himself in building his dream house which he dreamt of living with her.

News had it that Alie’s marrying this rich guy and everywhere you go you will read that her wedding is gonna be the biggest wedding of the year. She was really happy, almost impossible to breathe. But when she scanned the whole page of the paper, she saw her old love, or shall I say her first love. She fainted s she saw the picture of Noah standing in front of a big white house and decided to get away for a while. She met up with Noah again and finally realized that she still loved him. Well, the usual ending, she chose to be with Noah instead of the rich guy. However, as they grew older, Alie had an Alzheimer’s disease and failed to remember anybody, including Noah. She was put into a Home for the Agents’ hospital and soon Noah followed her. Touchy how he loved her despite of her loss of memory of him! He tried his very best to help her remember those days they had together by reading her “the notebook” that Alie herself wrote about their love story. And when Alie finally remembered, in a split of seconds, she forgot again! Her illness is getting really worse; the doctors wouldn’t let Noah near her. But he insisted and slept beside her. The next thing, the nurse found out them dead together.

Well, that's about my movie review! ciao :)!

The end.

HAPPY EID'L FITR!

Nine days before the official day of my finals is nine days of my supposedly guilt-free holidays. God, it's not easy to feel free in a holiday while you know you'll be having a really terrifying end. "But who cares?” I keep on convincing myself. Its holidays and we're supposed to have fun, right? Besides, we have to celebrate Eid'l Fitr! This year is my first Ramadan and Hari Raya here, let me tell you. And I was really excited to pack up my things and meet my cousins as the holidays started. We had this blow-out party hosted by my uncle for the rest of the Filipino UIA students, and it was a so cool! God, life is so good! *laughs*

Well, it was just your usual gathering, you know. We ate, we chat and laughed a lot--really! Most of the girls wore black jubah, the little girls and little bois in their colorful baju kurungs and baju malayus and the guys in their unity of white. I barely know some of the guys but they're really nice. It's just that, I'm too fierce-looking for them! *chuckles* My cousins and I were so pessimistic that maybe it would rain. And it did, so the rest of the guests decided to leave earlier than they intended to.

But boy, this party was great. Well, except for the fact that my sister is teasing me to this guy (err, boy) who happens to be really cute. He has a nice smile (like sunshine) and puffy brown hair (which reminds me of an old friend in High School). He was wearing this hooded, checkered jubah (like a dementor, minus the checkered patterns) which I used to laugh at when somebody wears it, but he looks so young in it--I can't help asking his age! *giggles* Guess what? He's just 18! "Hah," I thought. Then, my sis teased me some more coz that just means he's just a year older than me--which means he's the youngest among the guys! Really, I'm not kidding. 18 years old is the youngest age so far among my country mates which I'm aware I happen to be associated with. So..yeahh, for those dreaming for cute Filipino guys in Gombak, I'm sorry to break your heart, there are cute ones but they're more or less 23or 24. And for me, they're way too old--no offense (or offense! whatev!) :)

Yeah..all in all, the party was a blast! I ate a lot but I don't care! I've been eating tons of carbs these days which I constantly blame to the whole day of fasting and I made it through the whole month blaming the same reason. And now the month of Ramadan is finally done, I'll have to pay for all those days I was absent! *laughs* If you're a girl, you know what I mean!

Myself after 4 years..

I'm quite pessimistic about my future. Would I be rich?? Would I marry the guy I've been dreaming of my whole life?? But this are all idealistic. I know. But one prediction is just an inch away from reality, I will look like this sooner or later.

I won't (or will never) miss our fardo ain class!

Yeah..in this class, no thinking required! You can just come and go, provided that you sign up your name for the attendance..and go! But if you choose to stay, you'll get bored (for sure!), but the lecturer wouldn't notice..and you'll continue to be bored..and yawn..til you sleep--finally! Well, if you don't wanna believe me, check out Bass* as a living proof (bottom right)! *laughs*

I feel no poetry

Poetry is one of the oldest way of art where you express yourself in terms of words, which I, in my younger age used to indulge (but not anymore). But it needs a whole lot of inspiration, really, to come up with what we actually called, the poem. How can you come up with something worth reading for if don't make sense?

But I won't be blogging about poetry. In fact, I wanna talk about inspiration since poetry, like I said a while ago, needs tons of inspiration. This is the kind of inspiration that doesn't come easily. It just suddenly pop out from nowhere, and then, TADDAH! *insert gospels here* yeah..I was just wondering how the hell do all these great poets got their ideas. I mean, not all of them lost homes or an orphan since birth, to come up with such brilliant ideas that are being used in lots of literature books as references today and will be in the future.

I'm sorry, for the doses of questions. Maybe you're what's up with all these sudden questions? It's because I need an inspiration. I wanna ba something worth turning pages for like a really interesting book you just can't let go.

In short, I'm uninspired.

I hate rushing..but I'm getting lazy day by day!

time check:
It's exactly 23 mins. before my statistics will start. But where am I? In my bed, typing my blog. Hah. Talk about laziness! It's overruling my body for a week now! I used to wake up 1 hr. before class, but now, even if it's quarter to the alloted time, you still won't see me rushing my tudung on! Damn. I hate this laziness! But what should I do to get rid of it??

Tough luck, my class will start in about 15 minutes from now!!! ciao!

My Depreciated Deed..

Oh my God..it's Monday again--my most full-packed day of the whole week! And I know I'll be busier the whole week days because of the up coming Hisbah Night when we're supposed to decorate and our room a day before the official night. But did we do anything? Of course not. I couldn't be bothered to. I just don't get the whole decorating concept. I mean, cleaning is reasonable enough to be imposed obligatorily, but decorating? Nah..I had enough last sem and I don't wanna decorate for nothing anymore! (well, I hope they have prizes for the most ugliest room, maybe we have a chance! *giggles*)

Yeah..well, my Monday is actually the usual one, except for the sudden cancellation of our Arabic Class that has been announced whole wide through SmS. Who wouldn't, anyway? Everybody parties when Arabic Class is cancelled. So, I did a small deed of telling my old guy pals by telling them that the class is, indeed, cancelleed.

I went up to my room, merrily eating my vastly inflated lunch from no other than, Kawa Thai. Then, as I finished my meal, my roommate told me that the class wasn't cancelled, and it wasn't cancelled at all! HUH?? I thought twice; "Didn't Faz** just told me that it was cancelled?" Out of confusion, I went to another classmate's room. And it wasn't cancelled and Jene** herself confirmed me. Argh. Damn, I have to change, now.

So I quickly told my roomies of the sudden explosion of the massive news and laughed as Anna**'s sighed: "Aww..really?" (insert scratching of the head here)

Of course I thought of telling the other guys that the class was resumed again, but I indirectly delivered the news. Instead of texting them at once, I sent the message to someone I know is close to them (who's our classmate as well, let's call him "The Messenger") and will convey the message later on. And because I personally like this "Messenger", I didn't have any second thoughts of passing the forwarded message.

I came to class panting because of the predictable hotness of the weather. And, surprise, surprise! The guys are not there, but the "Messenger" is here. Where are they? I thought, maybe they're still taking their sweetest time walking across the field. Then, an hour later, B** called angrily yelling over the phone looking for me and bellowing my name like I stole a chicken or something! My God. What's up with this people? Didn't I told them (well, indirectly , though) that the class is on?!

I was humiliated by the yelling. But a half of my body is telling me to know why that neaderthal-ish guy is yelling his lungs out. I asked the "Messenger" at the end of the class if he did tell them, and guess what? The Messenger said, "NO", flatly. So insensitive! He came himself not telling anybody and he just looked at me for emphasis that I'm actually there and walked away. I hate him! ARGH!!! (OK, calm down..)

Oh my God. No wonder that close-minded, neanderthal-ish guy is mad. But if you think of it, it wasn't my fault (right?). Argh. I hate it when I try to convince myself to be innocent. But the thing is, they reacted so childlishly withou having me explain my side and even if I do, they won't get my point. Why? God knows. But one thing's certain, we won't talk for the good two weeks of distrust but in peace.

No place like home..

After my first paper is actually the official holidays that we will be savoring though it's just a week! Who wouldn't, anyway? So, yeahh..when all the girls are going home, we're watching them leaving (as usual!). To tell you, we're really immune to people passing by and merrily leaving the miserable Nilai. Well, it's a sad, sad story indeed that we've got no where to go but Gombak (the main campus)as our sanctuary in this whole stranger's world.

But, naah! Enough of the drama. It's enough that even though I'm in a different country, I still got the hold on to my ever supportive country mates who gave me the comfort only a home can offer. After all, there's no place like home, right? That's why even though we hate it when our mom keeps on asking us "where are you going?", whenever we wanna hang-out with your gals with the memorized answer: "at school and I'll be back before late", we still miss it. And even though how annoyed you are when your little sister put the channel to Barney or Hanna Montana (I'm personally get this one!) while your watching your favorite drama series, you will still be missing those times and wish that you would've just let her watch that stupid show, instead of throwing toy crackers on her face!

It's funny how things come like this dramatic to me. I mean, I'm no so sweet when it comes to dealing with my little sister, let me tell you. I'm actually closer to my friends at school than to my own sister and that explains the huge gap between us since primary school. We're 4 years apart. She's boyish and I'm on the "pinky side" of femininity. We went to different schools and we used to like the same guy when I was in my 10Th Grade. Awkward much? I know. There's nothing more awkward than having your lil sis falling for the same guy you like. But the thing is, the guy liked me when I finally lost my interest on him. And the drama began. My sis likes him more and more, at the same time, he was already courting me! Argh. I don't wanna break my sis' heart so I prefer not to tell her coz I know I'll turn the guy down sooner or later. But the surprising part is when she found out about it, she gave the way and told me to give him a chance. Aww..then I realized how selfish am I to keep such a secret when never knew that she's dying at the other end! But like I said, I turned the guy down and I felt better.

Since then we got closer unlike before. We share everything we have, shoes, clothes, money, you name it! And before I left for Malaysia, we both had a great time shopping for the stuffs I'll be carrying along the way. I really miss my sister. My only sister. And I keep on telling my self when I get back the first I'll do is to take her out to--what a girl wants--shopping! haha..

It's not easy to be away form home especially if your not used to it. It wasn't that hard for at first coz I'm really used to be away from home and my parents are out for work. But being gone from their sight for almost a year now (and your damn young), it's a challenge I never knew I have to struggle from.

My First Paper..

Hah. of all the dreaded subjects, Maths came first in queue of my exam lists! God, I'm totally motivating myself to study. For the first time (as far as I'm concern), I devoted my whole week for Maths. To tell you, I'm not really into burning my eyebrows for such subjects, especially Maths and for the fact that it's just trigonometry. But this one drove me crazy (you totally don't wanna know the details). And now I'm paying back for my careless days..

It was 5pm when Sandy (my roommate) was nervously throwing in her blue tudung, standing in front of our floor-length mirror and slowly spoke:

"I'm nervous..", she said so slowly, you can even consider it a whisper.

And what a friend can offer? I just said:
"Don't be, it'll be fine.", hoping I didn't sound like a mom.

Argh. I'm getting nervous as well, I should've just shut up. Damn.

After a few minutes, we're ready to head our way to MPN for the most awaited paper. And guess what? It was damn hot (oh well, it wasn't much of an intelligent guess, I suppose) but my hands are damn cold. When we arrived in the Hall, I sat next to A (one of the..shall I say, the Maths geniuses of my batch!) who was staring blankly in the space and beyond. " Maybe she's concentrating," I thought.

Everybody looks so jittery to get their fingers on the paper to get it over and done with. The paper was quite challenging (or so for someone like me, it was challenging), but for A who didn't seem so challenged at all, passed the paper in 30 mins. out of 1 and a half hours of torture and everybody turned their backs as she left the torture chamber. Whoa. That was quick! And I was surprised for the first time, she sighed. (She's no straight-faced geek after all!). Then, followed by her country mate who I don't think is that interested to finish the time rendered as she used to do.

Tick tack..tick tack..

I can feel the pressure of the ticking clock.

"5 mins. more.", said the invigilator flatly.

I quickly scanned my paper, in case i missed an item blank. And.. At last! The whole torture time of the day is over! I passed my paper with a sigh. uh. " It's okey..", I reminded myself. Sandy and Faz turned to me and we were dismissed.

"The paper was fine! It was ok. argh!But I missed the number..", Faz was explaining in details as we were exiting the hall but I can no longer her. My head is still into the paper--refreshing my memory of the items I left blank..when suddenly..

"Hey!", a hand popped-out of my view.

It was Kyle, the Bruneian guy (err..boy).
"How was it??!", he cried curiously. I tried to be polite and entertained him for a while though I don't really wanna talk about the whole "exam thing".

Then, we walked pass the convenient shop and i saw some other familiar faces whom I know will ask about the exam. So I tried to walk like normal, neglecting the fact that I know those human figures. And..there, I found my sanctuary in my bed as the 'chicken little' design was cheerfully grinning at me.

Ahh..I'm done with it! My whole week of frustrations and disappointments were all thrown away to that hall..and that 6-paged paper..and I feel GOOD! Oh, thank God it's Saturday the following day..

Success is counted Sweetest..

UCCESS is counted sweetest

By those who ne'er succeed.

To comprehend a nectar

Requires sorest need.




Not one of all the purple host

Who took the flag to-day

Can tell the definition,

So clear, of victory,




As he, defeated, dying,

On whose forbidden ear

The distant strains of triumph

Break, agonized and clear.

A poem from my all time favorite poet, Emily Dickinson.

AAARGGHH!!! I'm running MAD!!!

I'm not even in the right age to drive and marry but the madness police is gradually knocking on my doorstep to arrest me for committing madness. I'm mad. Please forgive for telling you late, my dear blogger. Forgive me that you've been reading entries of a mad teenage girl's page all these time. Yeah..mad as it is. I'm not quite ashamed that I am one. Coz I know you'll be one as well as soon as you finish reading this entry and actually comprehended my real madness.

These thought of me knowing I'm mad is killing me. Why? Oh for God's sake! It's like knowing you have leukemia and your days are already counted, and you don't have any way with it! It's incurable. It's frustrating. It's got to be accepted.

You might be wondering why this girl is still writing on her blog yet she's mad. Huh. Don't wonder, coz I'm mad. My madness is giving me the adrenaline to activate my brain in a weird but useful way, unlike the usual madness. It's killing me, yes. But it's also my source of strength and will to finish my freaking course! Yes, you got it right. I'm savouring my sanity to figure out how to pass my core courses. And it's not that I hate my core courses that I just wanna pass them, but because there's nothing I can do with it. If I push my self more, I'll break the limit and I won't be able to write into my precious cyber spotlight anymore. You'll just found out that my nurse will telling you, my dear blogger, that I'm under observation.

Whoa. I totally blew it out! The oppressed thoughts of mine have been in caved for so long that I can't even reckon it's been a month. But never mind. That's why my loving blogger is still reading my entries, right? To reach out to me--well, I hope you won't say I have to stop blogging coz my entries have nothing to do to help Hilary Clinton win anyway--and feel my madness--but not too much! I'm infectious.

I love blogging and I won't stop blogging even though I'll be mad.

And because I know you love me...

Guys are not inspirations.

July has been a long month for me, unlike June. And now we're about September. I was busy welcoming a whole lot of changes in my new sem last June -- and yes,I consider it as one of my merriest month of the year--and whole lot of intentional lateness every Arabic class and frustrations in Maths were all worth of my ever tiring half sem. But I really had fun, actually. Saying goodbye to our lazy days during the short sem wasn't that easy but saying "hi" to the numbers is quite a challenge! Oh God, time flies so fast when your having fun! I didn't even notice that it's been three months since a blur vision of love ( if you can call it love) came up to me in an annoying packaging of a skinny guy who don't even consider English as a significant language but just something you should pass at school. And from the start I know, things won't work between us. As quick as it came, I failed to realize it's gone.

But I'm off to think about guys these days as a strike for all my mishaps that I never cared to learn from. I still have 'eye-candies' (*laughs*) and I'm not an "anti-guys", though. I'm just being practical! "Muslim Women must be strong!", as our animated Fardo Ain lecturer would love to say it. Things have fallen into place somehow. If he's not for you, so be it. There are lots more! And I was really happy he's gone because, honestly, brats are really a pain in the neck! But my experience left me a notebook scribblings since all girls must know that:

1. First in for most: Not to date a spoiled brat.

He's rich, yeah. He can give whatever you want. You can reach those places only in your dreams you thought to be going. But take note that he always wants something in return, if you know what I mean!

2. Don't go for jocks.

If hotness was all your looking for in a guy, well, I can't blame you if you fall for jocks. But if all it pays is sweat and body odor, oh puh-please (insert hand gestures here)!

3. Don't date first year guys at all.

They're still in the progress of maturity and think so junior high-ish which practically remind me of Jonas Brothers. What a babe! *laughs*

4. Always put your standards high.

Come on, you won't dream of cutting the potatoes instead of going to the grand ball like Cinderella does, right? We're not in the fairy tales and we can't always have a fairy godmother to sort out our miseries. We have to make our choices straight and practical.

And that's basically how my miserable love life thought me how to, not to forget, but be practical when it comes to perverted male species.

Inferiority Complex

Inferiority complex.

I've always known I have one since I started going to primary school. Before, I don't know what it's called since I've never been aware that it's something killing me inside. I continued going to school with the feeling of being so small among all the students of my age. I have friends, yes. There's no question about that. After all, I'm practically friendly. But the thought that I'm the smallest and the youngest in my class (actually all of my classes when I was in primary school) and not that smart, made me feel I'm different. Different in a way that I'm out of place.

But my loving Mom will always tell me that I'm special and that people have different characteristics. She never, ever dared to say the word "different" to connote that I'm an introvert, but I know deep inside that I'm different, if not to end up an introvert--what else would I be? " she's just telling me this because I'm her daughter", I thought.

I never figured out how to defeat my inferiority complex as the years pass by (because I actually don't know how). Now that I'm 17, pretty more matured than I was in primary school. I know now that inferiority complex is another way of saying you have a low self-esteem. I keep on telling myself that it will just give me the feeling of negativity, alienation and irritation. And so I stopped thinking about it.

But it keeps on coming back. After my Maths class, I consulted my lecturer about my failed first, Maths quiz (yeahh, I know, shame!). She taught me the right answers and how to come up with those solutions, I just nodded to all the solutions. Then suddenly, she looked at me in the eyes with large, black eyes surveying my whole face..and asked:

"Do you feel inferior?", she's still staring.

"I..I guess so...", I said as if it was my first time to figure out that i do have it.

And so my straight-faced but a concerned lecturer told me her story of inferiority. She told me that she was a failure, not just in English but also in Maths. She used to feel inferior that girls of her age solves the mathematical problems in no time, leaving her still solving in the middle step. "Who wouldn't be envy? They're so clever!", she quoted. Yeahh..I get her. If those girls finished faster than her, her lecture will call out for a "faster" call to those still solving--that cracks me out, bacause I have to solve it even faster. Then she told me that she failed her English Qualification Exam for students going abroad, and that she strive so hard to pass it on her second try.

Well, her voice of experience are just so realistic and inspiring, but what stroked me the most is the her first question that brought up the whole topic. Yes, I do feel inferior. But I'm somehow blessed that I have good people behind me. I mean, not all children who discovered they're different or they don't excel in a field most children do (like playing sports or solving maths problems), have trustworthy and loving friends and family with them to tell them they are not that bad after all.

"The roots of all my inferiority is a small piece of crap", I digested this one to boost my confidence. So Why am I keep on thinking about it in the first place?

I've learned my lessons in the hard way. In a way that only time can mend. I've learned that people are good in different fields of skills and that I just happen to be not so good in Maths. All I have to do is to pat myself to conscious efforts on the back for the things I do well. I don't need to always come in first to be the best.

And I guess it's a good start of motivation to any of you who has the same kind of inferiority that I do. Oh! There you go! My first dramatic entry. haha..that's it for now. Ciao!

cleaning night!

Well, It's good to be back on my Cyber spotlight where I have the liberty to speak out whatever it is that's bugging my "tinee-tiny" head! haha..yeahh..well, things are quite busy these days because of my a somehow demanding core course where I have to practice most of the time in computing the damn hard problems! But still, life is sweet as it is despite of the bitterness of pressure trying to conquer me. I mean, even though I'm sucking all the Maths and Accounting problems every week to improve my brain's logical capacity, I always have a spare moment to unwine and hang out with my roomies.

7Th of July was my Jene's (it's a Kyrgyz word I love to call her) 19Th birthday. We decided to have a small dinner like how we usually celebrate birthdays. And yeahh..I know another year older, which we actually bother to count every single moment in our lives even though we practically know we'll be older as it's nature.

And just as we came back from having our dinner, merrily laughing as we climb up in the stairs, when suddenly, our room Mushrifa reminded us for the room clean-up operation for tomorrow. Gosh! Why does she has to ruin the time of our lives? Well, anyway..she ought to remind us..coz some people really need to be reminded--like somebody I know.

So, we cleaned to room in the night we agreed to do so. We divided ourselves into 3 teams: 1 team in the toilet, 1 in the bed room and 1 in the study room. I was ready to clean the toilet when a beaming Jo came up to me, almost wanted to say: "I'll do it!", and so i chose the study room instead. We removed all our belongings under our beds and in the study room to make way for the brooms to sweep away the stock of dusts that's scattered around our full house. And yeahh, there are like 20 of us in the room now, let me tell you.

We were all taking our time wiping and brushing whatever that it is that we have to wipe and brush, when a girl as skinny as ever whom we always call SG (and darling, the meaning will always be a secret i'll never tell), asked if she can leave already coz she has a meeting. And the thought of looking for D was brought up since she's the 2nd skinniest girl in the room. Where she is? God knows. Can you imagine 19 of your roomies are cleaning, 1 left for another important business, and you're no where to be found doing you thing--knowing that you have to with them cleaning? Oh boy--shame!

So mush for D's laziness. We sweep and mop, sweep and mop the floor in the bed room--and lastly, we brushed it. Yes, you read it right, we brushed it. Actually it was an 11th hour discussion that they want to walk bare foot inside the bed room, so, they themseleves volunteered to brush it thoroughtly. Then that means--SHOES OFF! I salute them. They're really hard working. Shame on me coz I never knew!

In roughly 2 hours, we're proud enough to say that our room in newly polished. Oh God, it feels good to feel clean. Everyone automatically arranged back their things to where they belong. The mats, the bed sheets, the shoes--specially the shoes. Then for a moment I felt really tired! haha..

But it was all worth it. All the sweat and dusts are all worth it! Our room is cleaner than ever now! Compared to the first we cleaned it.

I'm satisfied.

Amiecha's 20th Birthday!

Hey there connivers! It's Miecha's birthday last 25th of June. And yes, she's a gaining a year older again as normal people do, she's 20 now! Woohoo! The age nearing to legalism--though she turned 18, two years ago, there are still such things she can't do. Like what? Let me think? Ummp..driving? Hah. Yeahh..you got it right! She bumped into this--someone else's car (I'm not really sure, but surely, it was a bad bump) while she was on a test drive. Haha..well, our Miecha finally now has her own wheels now, however she can't drive it yet! haha..Now that she's a year away from independence, I wonder what's the first thing she'd do??

But let's don't get too far yet. Let's focus unto something near for now, It's her birthday! haha..last 24th day of June at nigh, we--me and the rest of my old roomies-- stayed unusually up at that night to having our midnight snack. We were just randomly reading our textbooks, some are reading novels they borrowed from the lib, gossiping and some are just plainly eating! Then, when Henny fall to check that it was exactly 12:01am, everybody stared and exchanged sheepish smiles at Miecha. Yeahh..it's not everyday that you turn 20, isn't? But it's not the reason were staring..it's because..She's OLD now! haha..we loved to tease her that she's old but she never gets pissed off though the truth hurts! haha..

We sang a very lousy Happy Birthday song and give her a very big bear hug!

But before anything else, of course were aware that it was her birthday on the 25th. So Henny and I planned weeks ago of what to give our beloved Miecha. First, the idea of black spider brooches came. But then, se has a lot already. Then, we thought of a book. A novel maybe..but her taste of books never matches our "pre-teen" (as she loves to quote it) taste. And finally, we decided of buying a cake. A rectangular chocolate cake made from Secret Recipe with the greeting:

"Happy Birthday Miecha..love BT :)", which we know that will really piss her off but still will be eating it since it's not as dangerous as the said sender's fangs! haha..

However, our evil plan didn't work out, as our schedules and financial problems weren't settled until the day of Miecha's birthday. So we tried to plan another evilness by asking her out for dinner with FBB and BT (of course BT is not in the first plan but we decided to why not, anyway). It's gonna be a laugh, we thought! Then suddenly, the night before the event, she casually said that she wanna have dinner with the girls (meaning the resident A1-1's before). So who are we to clash her plans?

The night in her birthday, Hazel** and I decided to ditch the Committee meeting for a dinner with he girls. We ate at Tea Box, a really gloomy and remote resto you can find at the back of block E and an intersection from Block G. It's merely the last resto at back of Block E so no one really eat there, unless they really wanna eat and all the restos in a hundred meter walking distance are filled with the Juniors!

We have no choice but to seat our fluffy butts there and sunk in to the gloominess of the place. Although three of our old roomies weren't there, we managed to enjoy by criticizing the lady in one of the oldest and yuckiest MTV on earth ever made! haha..

But one thing's weird, we never took photos! How could we live?! Goodness. We laughed a lot, I guess that's why the thought of capturing the moment was totally forgotten.

Miecha's last words:

" I'm happy that I enjoyed my last year of teenage with you guys. And I think there's nothing wrong with getting old with you."

Aww..and that day Henny promised not to tease Miecha about BT for the rest of the day! (at least just for a day!)

core courses + new lecturers + all new classmates / SHORT-y = NEW SEM!!!

Oh my dear bloggers! I'm here once again to share some of my frustrations and madness, now that new sem has entered!

My Core Courses!

Im really excited for my 1st core courses this sem that consists of: Accounting I, Maths I, and Statistics! Among all, Accounting is the only subject I don't have any background of. Gosh! Who would say I would end up in Accounting , anyway!? haha..They say that Accounting is really boring and that most of the students taking it for their first core course never get A. But for me, it really depends upon you. Though I'm still on the level of knowing the fundamentals of Accounting, I can say that learning is really lasts by heart. And that's what I'm aiming this new sem: "Learn everything, even though how hard it is, by heart". And mind you, it really helps! (my Arabic class is one good example.) Good luck to me! :)

+ New Lecturers!

Yup! Next to my subjects, my lecturers are always my next stop. You won't go spending the rest of 4 hours every week per subject with some boring lecturers that talks 500 words a minute, right? That's my main purpose of going to class in the very first day. Hah. I would check out how they deal with their students. how can they help us gain some knowledge? are they sarcastic? do they gabble? Gosh. Seriously, there are some lecturers I now that gabbles a lot and they don't even notice it. Try telling them and they'll give you the looks saying; "one more minute".

But I'm so happy we have really nice lecturers who all belong to the Tudung L***** Clan a.k.a. TLC! haha..They're really cool and open-minded..and they make things easier and comprehensive to the students! Goodness! Though they're TLC, they Rock! Hope for my next core courses (specially in Maths II), at least one of them would be my lecturer!

+ All New Classmates!!!

As you all know, this sem is the 1st sem open of IIUM for the juniours who just graduated from High School. That's why most of my new classmates are new intakes a.k.a. the juniours (which I don't are any younger than me)! Oh God, I was hoping for some yummy eye-candies tehm sem, but them seem to be not that mouth-watering than I was expecting it to be!

On the other hand, I have my old roomies with me, namely: Fareeha, Amy, Jo, Aisulu (just for Arabic and and BTQ) with almost all of my sujects!!! Nyahaha!!! Then that means, I can have my own living alarm clock! I can nwon't be late again (or at least just for some times) and people won't be talking to me in an alien language! hehe..kidding..but i'm really thankful their around, and thank Goodness to the Department of Econs for this marvelous idea of putting all the international students taking the same courses, in the same group! Things are getting tougher now, but with them beside me, I feel safe.

/ SHORT-y..

There's this guy I knew since last sem because of my roomies' annoying giggles of "OHMIGAWWD!"...so I join in their circle to know the cause of 'Ohmigawding'..and turns out that this particular guy their referring to is, ummhp..how do you say..short. What's the big deal?, I thought. So mean that they're laughting at him behind his back coz he's short. But when I saw him walking with my, not-so-short friend--but I figure is the shortest among all the guys I know--I was convinced, he's really (OUCh! I know.) short.

So what's the bigger deal? Well, let's say it this way, he.is.my.classmate! Yup! For this sem, I'll be seeing him everyday, to all of my core courses! Goodness. Not to be mean, but I'm not comfortable of having him around. Especially when he started to be close to my sort-of-bf, he kind of lingers around the open air since then! AND.IT'S.ANNOYING! I'm not about all the short-y-ness, Im short as well, ok! But it really bothers me when he's around. Gosh, I'm running mad.

= NEW SEM!!!

I'm looking forward of scoring high this sem. After all, aiming and dreaming is free of charge! hehe..I wanna live my matric days to he fullest, as three of my beloved roomies are leaving this sem for Gombak. But "no worries", keep on telling myself. I'll be going there (main campus) soon and live together again all in one room! Woow!

I know i'll be extremely missing them since it's never been the same without them, but for now, we'll have fun! We'll ROCk this new sem! hahah..

GOOD LUCK TO US!!! :)

20 OBVIOUS SIGNS That a Pretty Boy Likes My Bestie!

Hey there! It's good to be back! The Taa'ruf week is over and class resumed for a week now. But I can still smell the blossoms of love in air during the last week's holidays..

What am I talking about? Well, if your a big fan of observing like me, it won't be hard for you notice that someone, so well featuered guy is up to something more friendlier. Henny (well, I'd practically be dead if I spill out her name on an online public diary) and I were always together. Specially this past few weeks that we stayed for the holidays for the Taa'ruf week. That's why it's really hard for me to not notice that Fbb lingers around us.

Let's go straight to the point, there's a pretty boy named Fbb (why Fbb? that's a secret i'll never tell), whom we used to think is a gay! hehe..actually, I was happy to hear that he's not gay coz he's--I admit it, cute (with that perfectly trimmed, white, beaming teeth of his? oh God.). And for such a gift like that, it's really a turn off to know that he belongs to the 3rd sex! Thank God he's not. But there's another thing that's bothering me..and I think my instincts are true..that FBB..is in Love with Henny..

And Im ready to bet my 20 theories that this preety boy is trully, madly, crazy in love with you Henny!

20 OBVIOUS SIGNS That a Pretty Boy Likes My Bestie!

1. He want to walk with her.

- Woohoo! I guess this is a ramdom one. Every guy has this first move to their girls. I mean, you know, its basic principle is to know if the girl is taller than the guy. And for their case, their on the same height. Saved!

2. He asks her out. (DUH?)

-speaking of random, asking out a.k.a. dating is another obvious sign, for God's sake! I mean, most guy's don't just ask their girl friends for a lunch, and specifically state he just want to have it with you!

3. He gives (or even steals) you stuffs that you don't even ask for, and that he can just rather give it to the needy than to you.

-OK. I know it's not so sweet if I tell you that Fbb stole some dinner package in the counter to impress Henny. But he really did! hehe..poor Fbb..he got my symphaty..but not in stealing, dude!

4. He asks he's friend to come along with them for lunch to--to cover up the fact that, that lunch was his dream date! hah.

-you see, UIA is an Islamic Uni and that coupling (which is practically not a word they just made of to describe dating in another form) is totally prohibited. So what are friends are for? To back them up, of course!

5. He admires her features.

-OK. It's really sweet of him to call her Angelina Jolie look-a-like when he noticed her ala Angie lips of hers. But degrading my being by calling me a kampung girl is not so sweet Fbb! Anyway, that just shows that he can only appreciate Henny's distinctive features! hehe..

6. He stares at her.

-Gosh. This one might sound like a stalker, but he really stares ala Nate Archivald as his piercing eyes where darted to, who else..Henny!

7. He miscalls to call her attention!

-well, what really is the main purpose fo miscalling? To know if she's using the right phone number? But this just lack of attention, im sure!

8. He calls her princess. (Eww!!! Yuckidyyuck!!!)

-I know it's gross but it's called 'romantic' in those times when Tokyo used to be called Edo. Ninjas are dying to protect their other halves whom they love to call 'princess'. Aww..but now I'm wondering if Fbb is really 19 or if he lived million years ago?!

9. He perves on her! Hah.

-even though your playing the lamest sport on earth which you lazily refuse to contribute yourself fully, is not buying his way out from perving at you! And denies to be perving by saying:

" I just passed by here (the parking space) and I saw you're playing badminton! :)", which is kind a lame coz you can only see people inside if you intently look at them!

10. He sms' with the smiley face at the end.

- Again, I don't like this move. But this crap is intended to brighten up someone's day, so Fbb really did a research to do such a move! haha..

11. He hints her on his messages.

-poor thing..Fbb sends Henny message like:

" I'm totally free right now! :) (again with the smiley face!)", meaning he wants you to say something or even show that he said a general statement saying he wants you to care.

12. He can't look at her in the eye.

-whenever they're seated together or their walking somewhere, he can't look at her! haha..

13. He sounds like he's asking permission to you to where he's going.

-like you were his girlfriend err..more like a mom as he states his daily routine to you. Where he's going, what the hell is he doing there..you name it! In short, he's reassuring you that your he's only girl and that he's a good boy! hehe..

14. He acknowledges her presence.

-emphasized the word BOTH when he saw me and Henny walking near him one day, to distinguish the fact that he wants her presence, not mine, and her ALONE!

15. He teases her.

-whoever suggested that teasing game is a good stepping stone to a blossoming puppy love, I salute you!

16. But he's afraid to make her angry.

-Like most guys do, they tease you 'til you're brain come out and had nothing to say but "LEAVE ME ALONE!". However, when they show symphaty to your mood, he so like you, girl!

17. He apologizes millions and millions of times.

- he begs for your forgiveness countless times even though you already told him you're fine and you don't look pissed at all.

18. He asks me random questions to make me busy whereas he's not paying attention to my speech at all.

-He noticed one of the trustworthy chaperons is bored so he nicely interrogated her. But the whole time that I was talking to him, his just physically there on his seat but his soul is with the feminine figure beside me.

19. He loves her around.

-my partner for emceeing nicely told me to get loss since she can handle things on her own. But Fbb purposely gave Henny a job to keep her around in a matter of 20 meters away!

20. He sees her everywhere!!!

- this sign is the most lunatic theory that this pretty boy is crazy about her, coz It's not normal that he sees her everywhere! But if you ask me 'How'? I say, by secretly checking her out. Simple as that.

Now I can really feel the end of my life. Please send my love to all of love ones..Mama, Nana, Hanie, MJ..I love you all!!! Im sorry I can't go home next summer in Philippines coz my time has come...

Bye unfair World..Henny's gonna kill me any minute now..

POKA!