Well, I never thought I was a bad student until I entered IIUM. The whole adjusting thing sucked but I have good friends to guide me. However, I was bad at decision making that I made a fool of myself, I thought I can make it, long enough for the results to come out in a calculated data base of the CFS records. I was so dead. I knew it even before the written proof was printed in front of me and I really regret everything that I've done. And so I told my parents. I guess that was the main reason why I was called back home. My parents are more than willing to send me money to go back than the previous year. And I know exactly what's in their heads: that I needed fixing.
I failed my parents and I deserved to be nagged or whatever punishment they'll throw at me, I don't really care. But instead, they were glad I was back and pretended like nothing happened. I would have been more than happy, I'd be ecstatic that they understood my situation, but No, the truth came out all of a sudden. My mother thinks I'm a rotten idiot who can't make things right. My younger sister, Hanie, told me about this after I called last night. Mother certainly don't know what she's talking about. She was never around. She wasn't here on my first day in college. She wasn't the one who tips about sleepless nights during my stressing exams. She was even making a big deal of me going to Malaysia to study even if I got the scholarship, which was her condition in the first place: I go when I get it, and I did. She was half-hearted about it. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother. She gave birth of me, of course, the last thing I would do is to hate her. But the way she makes me feel guilty about something, something I didn't even mean of doing, is just really unfair. I never meant to screw things up with school. I can't believe she was more dramatic about this than me. I mean, I was left behind. My batch mates are doing their first year already when I was imprisoned on my very own careless mistake. Shouldn't she be the one..I dunno, helping me out. What's done was done. I can never bring it back.
Last night I called that I'm going home this May. Well, I guess not. I changed my mind. Until she doesn't take back whatever she said, I'm not coming home. Not in a million years, if that's how long it takes for Mother to realize that she didn't give birth to a girl with the perfect DNA.
