When I got back from my one month and a week holiday in Philippines, my perspective in life changed. Well, I expect a change in the first place, but it didn’t occur to me that it would be bugging until now. I don’t think I’m being “emo” of what’s happening, because if I am, it wouldn’t surely drive me mad yet. So, what I mean by ‘my changed perspective’ is that, I think life is really short. When you’re at high school, when everyone seems to be doing whatever they want as they define it as being alive, you some sort of feel sorry for them, isn’t it? You think that they’re just trying to be cool – in a way yes – but actually, they are one of the wisest people on earth. Why? Simply because they know their existence is just once in a lifetime and that “it’s now or never”, as Bon Jovi defines life. I used to think that there would still be tomorrow for me undo my mistakes and start from scratch. But when I tripped on my own shoes on the second time, I don’t think life is as easy as I thought.
I’m sad about the fact that I’m not doing much on my last year of teenage life. I’m 18 now for goodness sake, and look at me, one of the most insignificant students in CFS who failed twice, yet not learning from her mistakes, and is now worried if she can still score a place in Gombak. I’m stuck in my own faults. Day by day I keep on realizing the things that I should’ve done earlier, like doing my workbook on time, having to choose the right shoe size instead of going for the style – basically, decision making problems. Time passed me by like a wind struck, and there goes my chance. And now, my biggest regret, I should’ve studied smarter if I really want to score to Gombak campus. After these things happened, I didn’t know that regret plays a big role in life. And it means everything if only we ponder on what God really wants us to realize.
God gave us the ability to think for us to choose which way we want to go. You see, that’s the problem with having to choose, it’s too much power. It gives us overwhelming power to get to rule ourselves that leads “big” responsibility. That’s why when god gifted us with brains, we got so flattered that we think carelessly of tomorrow and do anything we desire. But at the end of the day, two things are to be concluded, that our decisions could be either good or bad and whatever happens would always be 90% dependent on how we reacted on the situation. And the best example I could find would be I.
You see, I’m regretting my mistakes and I want to redo it fast as much as I wanted to accomplish a lot in life. What I’m lacking was the message God wanted me to understand. Let me tell you a short story to get into my whole point.
When we had the chance to choose which river we wanted to cross (with a boat. of course) to get to the camp’s summer house, I chose the shortest one because I didn’t want to waste my time just crossing a river. At that time, I felt smart. I mean, why would you want to sweat if you have the choice to spare yourself from it? I summed it up as wise, too, because if I get there faster, I would get to choose the nicest room in the summer house. But I wasn’t wise enough.
Those who chose the long river had more time to think about what they want to do after crossing it. They even had much time exchanging life stories along the way. When they got off the boat, they came beaming at me showing how much they enjoyed the ride. They weren’t even bothered which room they placed in as long as they’re with their best companions. Unlike me, I didn’t really have friends along the way because I was too busy being all competitive and smart. After the whole “sparing-myself-from-sweating” concept, I have nothing but my pretty but empty room. It’s the same as accomplishing nothing at all.
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