mood swings

I'm leaving to Jakarta tonight and I'm not even a bit excited; I can't even finish packing up but instead, I'm writing my blog. Two months ago I was like so damn happy when my cousin and I were booking the tickets, "Shopping Spree!!!", was all in my head. I was never been out of the country just for the holidays without my parents around.. the holidays I spend in here is not counted because I'm practically based here.

But today when I woke up, it's like a demon of excitement just snatched away all my strength to be happy..I don't even wanna go now. This sucks, I can't go like this. Will I get a refund if I cancel the flight? Nah, my cousin, Janna, will be so worried if I don't come along..it's like she's gonna be all emotional and blaming herself for whatever reasons she can come up with.

I hate this.

Does this happen to just me? I don't think so. But my pathetic mood swings happen in a really bad timing! When I'm supposed to be ecstatic, I'm apparently the opposite. Like when a close friend of mine left for the holidays to her country and I really did miss her when she was away. She surprised us of popping out of our door with the gifts and all - she was like Santa. But then, I was the least happiest. It's like someone just pushed the unhappy button when I was supposed to be the other way around.

I need a therapist. Seriously.

But in the mean time, I gotta finish packing now. :)