Well, I never thought I was a bad student until I entered IIUM. The whole adjusting thing sucked but I have good friends to guide me. However, I was bad at decision making that I made a fool of myself, I thought I can make it, long enough for the results to come out in a calculated data base of the CFS records. I was so dead. I knew it even before the written proof was printed in front of me and I really regret everything that I've done. And so I told my parents. I guess that was the main reason why I was called back home. My parents are more than willing to send me money to go back than the previous year. And I know exactly what's in their heads: that I needed fixing.
I failed my parents and I deserved to be nagged or whatever punishment they'll throw at me, I don't really care. But instead, they were glad I was back and pretended like nothing happened. I would have been more than happy, I'd be ecstatic that they understood my situation, but No, the truth came out all of a sudden. My mother thinks I'm a rotten idiot who can't make things right. My younger sister, Hanie, told me about this after I called last night. Mother certainly don't know what she's talking about. She was never around. She wasn't here on my first day in college. She wasn't the one who tips about sleepless nights during my stressing exams. She was even making a big deal of me going to Malaysia to study even if I got the scholarship, which was her condition in the first place: I go when I get it, and I did. She was half-hearted about it. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother. She gave birth of me, of course, the last thing I would do is to hate her. But the way she makes me feel guilty about something, something I didn't even mean of doing, is just really unfair. I never meant to screw things up with school. I can't believe she was more dramatic about this than me. I mean, I was left behind. My batch mates are doing their first year already when I was imprisoned on my very own careless mistake. Shouldn't she be the one..I dunno, helping me out. What's done was done. I can never bring it back.
Last night I called that I'm going home this May. Well, I guess not. I changed my mind. Until she doesn't take back whatever she said, I'm not coming home. Not in a million years, if that's how long it takes for Mother to realize that she didn't give birth to a girl with the perfect DNA.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
A flood of awkwardness
Maybe I was wrong for one thing: it's still not easy to bump into my ex after our unthinkable break up. I thought after that very confusing night when we split up that I'll be bumping into him (of course, because we're from the same course), my chin high, acting as normal as ever. But no (strike one), whenever I see him (every where, literally), I don't know what kind of stiffening thing got into me that my eyes block any other object near him, making me feel like an idiot. He looks back, of course, much more of a pretense that he didn't see me,and then walks away - just like that. Why do we have to end up like this? We could be friends again if we only worked it out. But I actually liked the fact that I didn't have to see him before, but now I see him every now and that just makes things worse.
It'll be easier for me if he starts dating again, but no (strike two), he hasn't after all this time! It's been almost a year since we broke up and goodness, he's not that bad..how many girls are there in the whole IIU that he hasn't gone out with any of them? He can't probably be still waiting for me, that would be the being bullshit on earth. He's the one who lost faith in our not even close to blossoming past - just remembering these things makes me sick. I mean, seriously, we were best friends, I should have seen it coming that after the innocent hanging outs that eventually, he would ask me out as a date. I could have said I don't wanna go, but no (strike three), I went. ARGH. See how weak women could be? Then he said, situated in a park bench by the lake, that he really likes me. Likes. It's not even love. But I was surprised I was totally flattered, like I've been waiting for him to it say all along. And then...then...just when I was atop of my girlish fantasies, when I felt that I actually love him, we broke up after 2 months. I didn't even know if I was dumped or I dumped him. I was all a blur and all I know is that I don't want anything to do with him.
And now, he was passing by the library lobby when I was entering the reading section that I got alert of his presence suddenly. Thank God he didn't see me. But why can't I act normal? Why do I have to hide? It's getting into my nerves, really.
I went out of the library after some reading, finding Bakyt and his friend whose name I can't really pronounce. I was thinking if I should say hi, but I need not to because he just waved at me, calling me to join them. I haven't seen Bakyt for a while after we went out last time to catch Alice in Wonderland, which everyone thought was a date. But no (strike four), he's just a friend to me since we were in Nilai. He makes me feels better without being worried about attraction. I was never attracted to him, ok, I was a little but he was so adorable; I just can't like him that way. Anyways, we talked and talked, catching up with each other, laughing at silly things. I was laughing so hard, when Mashori came out of no where calling my name. Suddenly, I was choking or was I going to hyperventilate, I couldn't tell.
Anyways, he said he came out from the lib and he thought he saw me. Aaawwkkkwwaaarrddd. Ok, so yeah, how am I supposed to reply to that.. "yeah, you did see me..?" NO, of course not. So I just nodded. He asked me how I was like he didn't creepily held my hand at the cinema that time we watched the most boring movie of the season - I'm sorry but Confucius was so not the movie I would go out for. I mean, why did he hold my hand in the first place? He didn't call or text and then, taadah! He's in front of me, asking my well being. Wow, magical how guys could be so confusing.
I said I was fine politely, since this is how it's gonna be, better just play along with this shit. And did I just see him putting his right hand at back head? (Body Language 101: it means he's nervous) He's nervous? My ass. Save the nerve, buddy, I hate confusing guys. I introduced Bakyt and his friend, and I guess he can't bear the awkwardness too that he left right after that. "Take care of yourself, Olfa," he said nodding. Pppfffttt. Annoying.
Snap back to reality: I turned to Bakyt, mimicking my Tagalog convo with Mashori just now like a dying frog, and I burst out laughing again. At least I have Bakyt to balance things for me.
It'll be easier for me if he starts dating again, but no (strike two), he hasn't after all this time! It's been almost a year since we broke up and goodness, he's not that bad..how many girls are there in the whole IIU that he hasn't gone out with any of them? He can't probably be still waiting for me, that would be the being bullshit on earth. He's the one who lost faith in our not even close to blossoming past - just remembering these things makes me sick. I mean, seriously, we were best friends, I should have seen it coming that after the innocent hanging outs that eventually, he would ask me out as a date. I could have said I don't wanna go, but no (strike three), I went. ARGH. See how weak women could be? Then he said, situated in a park bench by the lake, that he really likes me. Likes. It's not even love. But I was surprised I was totally flattered, like I've been waiting for him to it say all along. And then...then...just when I was atop of my girlish fantasies, when I felt that I actually love him, we broke up after 2 months. I didn't even know if I was dumped or I dumped him. I was all a blur and all I know is that I don't want anything to do with him.
And now, he was passing by the library lobby when I was entering the reading section that I got alert of his presence suddenly. Thank God he didn't see me. But why can't I act normal? Why do I have to hide? It's getting into my nerves, really.
I went out of the library after some reading, finding Bakyt and his friend whose name I can't really pronounce. I was thinking if I should say hi, but I need not to because he just waved at me, calling me to join them. I haven't seen Bakyt for a while after we went out last time to catch Alice in Wonderland, which everyone thought was a date. But no (strike four), he's just a friend to me since we were in Nilai. He makes me feels better without being worried about attraction. I was never attracted to him, ok, I was a little but he was so adorable; I just can't like him that way. Anyways, we talked and talked, catching up with each other, laughing at silly things. I was laughing so hard, when Mashori came out of no where calling my name. Suddenly, I was choking or was I going to hyperventilate, I couldn't tell.
Anyways, he said he came out from the lib and he thought he saw me. Aaawwkkkwwaaarrddd. Ok, so yeah, how am I supposed to reply to that.. "yeah, you did see me..?" NO, of course not. So I just nodded. He asked me how I was like he didn't creepily held my hand at the cinema that time we watched the most boring movie of the season - I'm sorry but Confucius was so not the movie I would go out for. I mean, why did he hold my hand in the first place? He didn't call or text and then, taadah! He's in front of me, asking my well being. Wow, magical how guys could be so confusing.
I said I was fine politely, since this is how it's gonna be, better just play along with this shit. And did I just see him putting his right hand at back head? (Body Language 101: it means he's nervous) He's nervous? My ass. Save the nerve, buddy, I hate confusing guys. I introduced Bakyt and his friend, and I guess he can't bear the awkwardness too that he left right after that. "Take care of yourself, Olfa," he said nodding. Pppfffttt. Annoying.
Snap back to reality: I turned to Bakyt, mimicking my Tagalog convo with Mashori just now like a dying frog, and I burst out laughing again. At least I have Bakyt to balance things for me.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Video Editing - my new found talent
Over the past 3 days of Hanna studying for the finals and me making her life miserable by bugging her with my annoying antics, she made face the computer and told me to talk to it.
Ouch.
But I did as I was told. I went downloading songs and videos, - which seriously takes a little longer than it should be per song 'cause people started having their own videos of their favorite songs, which I wouldn't mind only if it doesn't gets on my way of downloading the original videos - checking my email, updating everything that I have to update and editing videos - home videos to be exact.
And I was surprised how good I was in editing videos and putting music on each of them. You see, my family and friends have loads of videos taken from different occasions, and since I'm free - I love the word "free", not bored - I had a good idea: put a little more life on those already lively videos and maybe a some presentation. *laughs* I'm not being too proud or anything, but their actually good. I wonder if I could build a career on video editing one day. Oh wait, does that mean I have to live with computers, too? Maybe, not a career..perhaps, just a hobby.
Well, I'm sorry I can't post even one of the videos I edited as it's sort of personal and I respect my friends privacy.
Courtesy of Hanna trying to get rid of me. :)
Ouch.
But I did as I was told. I went downloading songs and videos, - which seriously takes a little longer than it should be per song 'cause people started having their own videos of their favorite songs, which I wouldn't mind only if it doesn't gets on my way of downloading the original videos - checking my email, updating everything that I have to update and editing videos - home videos to be exact.
And I was surprised how good I was in editing videos and putting music on each of them. You see, my family and friends have loads of videos taken from different occasions, and since I'm free - I love the word "free", not bored - I had a good idea: put a little more life on those already lively videos and maybe a some presentation. *laughs* I'm not being too proud or anything, but their actually good. I wonder if I could build a career on video editing one day. Oh wait, does that mean I have to live with computers, too? Maybe, not a career..perhaps, just a hobby.
Well, I'm sorry I can't post even one of the videos I edited as it's sort of personal and I respect my friends privacy.
Courtesy of Hanna trying to get rid of me. :)
Monday, March 22, 2010
Things I Do when Insomnia Keeps Me Awake
Since I was at school, I tend tire myself out before coming back home. In that way, I won't be wide awake like an owl later at night. It's horrible, really, to have to be awake when everyone else is snoozing (I even envy the ones who snores). At 15, I was really convinced I'm an insomniac..not that I confirmed it from the doctors or something. But it happens most of the time that - trust me - you'd end up with same conclusion as well.
I've been wondering what causes insomnia and some sites say it's from stress, depression and some hormonal changes (for women)..and some say because of jet lag, genes, or worse, you temporarily stop breathing while you're sleeping. Wow, that last one freaked me out! *goosebumps* What if you don't breathe the rest of your sleep? (of course, you'd die, I know..it's a rhetorical question alright.) I guess, it was from stress, in my case, from my family's whole moving here and there thing. Thus, I was actually an insomniac, in a way.
And so I tried and tried things to sleep. It's like a good curse at the same time, you know. I get to do things I can't do when my parents are up or even my siblings. I get to a.) watch my choice of TV channel (though, I have to lower the volume and keep an eye on my parents's door every time), b.) eat (this is where "midnight snack" came into my system), c.) write on my journal (which I apparently, substituted with blogging now) and d.) of course, reading. I remember, reading to sleep since I was 15 using only the glow of my phone because I can't turn on the lights, made me short-sighted so early, unfortunately. But it was all worth it because among all things I do to sleep, reading is the best! Can imagine reading the most boring old English books on earth and I swear, you'd drop dead in no time!
Now, my whole "I-can't-sleep" drama is actually my choice. I mean, only studies can keep me yawning but the rest of activities are just too tempting to sleep on, like talking and talking till the sun's up, I didn't even how we could stand talking late at night but it was fun. I was with Nayzar in our study room, once, when my spoon on the bowl was tilted with the unusual "ting!" sound when it was impossible to be moved by not even the wind. We immediately suspected it was a ghost. I mean, seriously, we were the only pair in the room freakishly awake at that time. Who else would do a practical joke on us? We were so scared; we slept on the same bed that night - well, morning, actually.
Loads of things happen when I can't sleep or sometimes, I don't wanna sleep. But it can wait. For now, let me sleep. See you again, Insomnia! :)
I've been wondering what causes insomnia and some sites say it's from stress, depression and some hormonal changes (for women)..and some say because of jet lag, genes, or worse, you temporarily stop breathing while you're sleeping. Wow, that last one freaked me out! *goosebumps* What if you don't breathe the rest of your sleep? (of course, you'd die, I know..it's a rhetorical question alright.) I guess, it was from stress, in my case, from my family's whole moving here and there thing. Thus, I was actually an insomniac, in a way.
And so I tried and tried things to sleep. It's like a good curse at the same time, you know. I get to do things I can't do when my parents are up or even my siblings. I get to a.) watch my choice of TV channel (though, I have to lower the volume and keep an eye on my parents's door every time), b.) eat (this is where "midnight snack" came into my system), c.) write on my journal (which I apparently, substituted with blogging now) and d.) of course, reading. I remember, reading to sleep since I was 15 using only the glow of my phone because I can't turn on the lights, made me short-sighted so early, unfortunately. But it was all worth it because among all things I do to sleep, reading is the best! Can imagine reading the most boring old English books on earth and I swear, you'd drop dead in no time!
Now, my whole "I-can't-sleep" drama is actually my choice. I mean, only studies can keep me yawning but the rest of activities are just too tempting to sleep on, like talking and talking till the sun's up, I didn't even how we could stand talking late at night but it was fun. I was with Nayzar in our study room, once, when my spoon on the bowl was tilted with the unusual "ting!" sound when it was impossible to be moved by not even the wind. We immediately suspected it was a ghost. I mean, seriously, we were the only pair in the room freakishly awake at that time. Who else would do a practical joke on us? We were so scared; we slept on the same bed that night - well, morning, actually.
Loads of things happen when I can't sleep or sometimes, I don't wanna sleep. But it can wait. For now, let me sleep. See you again, Insomnia! :)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
This is gonna be a long day
I woke up at 7:30am, Hanna's online, checking her mail and I slept again. When I woke up at 9, she went out or something..but she does that most of the time so I didn't bother to ask. So I started checking my e-mail, annoyed to find that all of them are just going to the trash. Guess no one wanted to send me something fruitful today. I'm still waiting for that frustrating college acceptance letter, though. :(
I slept back, well, who can blame me? I have nothing to do and it's just 9:15. I woke up again finding myself alone again...looking for things to do. Oh boy, this is gonna be a long day. God knows what will happen next.
I slept back, well, who can blame me? I have nothing to do and it's just 9:15. I woke up again finding myself alone again...looking for things to do. Oh boy, this is gonna be a long day. God knows what will happen next.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Who said I hate classics?
I'm not really a fan of classic books like Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" - though Mariam made me read the zombie version of it - and Charlotte Bronte's "Jane Eyre". You can just count the classic books I've read and so far, I've managed to read "Emma" by Jane Austen,though, only because I watched the movie first, - and I like Gweneth Paltrow - Anne Frank's "A Diary of a Girl" and "Emily Dickenson's Diary" by Emily Dickenson herself, which I've read ages ago.
But one of my all time favorite would be "Daddy Long Legs" by Jean Webster, 1912. It's about this girl named Jerusha "Judy" Abbott who grew up in an orphanage and got a full college scholarship to Lincoln Girls Memorial College, from a rich man who visited their orphanage. She writes him letters of her whereabouts at school, calling him "Daddy Long Legs" as she only saw his shadow from far that time he went to their orphanage. Her letters continued to be sent to her mysterious sponsor through her college life...she grew a desire to meet him one day, blinded by the fact that they knew each other all along.
I was swooning pathetically while reading through Jervis's ("Daddy Long Legs") words of confession of undying love for Judy. *laughs* O, enough the overwhelming romance. But yeah, this book is totally a must-read for those little romance-freaks out there! :)
But one of my all time favorite would be "Daddy Long Legs" by Jean Webster, 1912. It's about this girl named Jerusha "Judy" Abbott who grew up in an orphanage and got a full college scholarship to Lincoln Girls Memorial College, from a rich man who visited their orphanage. She writes him letters of her whereabouts at school, calling him "Daddy Long Legs" as she only saw his shadow from far that time he went to their orphanage. Her letters continued to be sent to her mysterious sponsor through her college life...she grew a desire to meet him one day, blinded by the fact that they knew each other all along.
I was swooning pathetically while reading through Jervis's ("Daddy Long Legs") words of confession of undying love for Judy. *laughs* O, enough the overwhelming romance. But yeah, this book is totally a must-read for those little romance-freaks out there! :)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
what's in my head
"Sometimes we need to look into the future and know that even when we think we've seen it all, life can still surprise us and we can still surprise ourselves, " from Gossip Girl season 2. It's actually a repost of mine from my Facebook shout out some weeks ago and I still like it. It's basically talking about even if how much we swear not to do something to whatever it is that we swore onto, we will still never know what will happen next. And thus, we might even end up what we were dreading to be. It's kind of moving, really. That's two thumbs up for GG season 2!
Funny because the quote was the reason why I actually made a friend watch Gossip Girl. The whole time, she thinks the series was just about urban luxuries and non-stop, intense making out and oh well, high fashion craze (my personal reason). But after hearing the quote, she considered watching the whole episode and got sweep off her feet.
I've watched the 3rd season already - can't wait to download the rest of it that's supposed to come this month. LOL. Ok, I know downloading is more like committing piracy, but come on..don't you dare suddenly come clean 'cause we both know you're a filthy download-er, too!
Til then peeps!
Funny because the quote was the reason why I actually made a friend watch Gossip Girl. The whole time, she thinks the series was just about urban luxuries and non-stop, intense making out and oh well, high fashion craze (my personal reason). But after hearing the quote, she considered watching the whole episode and got sweep off her feet.
I've watched the 3rd season already - can't wait to download the rest of it that's supposed to come this month. LOL. Ok, I know downloading is more like committing piracy, but come on..don't you dare suddenly come clean 'cause we both know you're a filthy download-er, too!
Til then peeps!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Thanks, but no thanks.
It's sucks when I cause the problem everyone is facing. Well, not that I literally cause the problem, it's just that they're concern of me so much that they share my frustration, or more. And I'm not gonna let that happen to people I care about. It breaks my heart into pieces - I'd rather die on my own than having them fall with me. When I think about it, it's really sweet of them, probably the sweetest thing anyone have ever done for me. It's nice to have people who listen to you when you're down. Listening because they care, not to scoop a gossip or something. But really, if I'm just gonna make them miserable by just listening to me, trying to solve my unfathomable problem, then I'd rather have my mouth shut. It won't be easy, I know, but as long as I'm not hurting anyone else besides myself the better.
Sorry guys.. thanks, but no thanks.
Sorry guys.. thanks, but no thanks.
Friday, February 5, 2010
the charming intros that back fired
Whenever we're shy, we tend to sound boring or annoying just by not saying what we're thinking. We apologize to be humble but the more we tell people not to judge us, the more we lose their interst in knowing us. At the end, you just don't end up losing a potential friend, you feel pathetic as well.
Aplogizing before you start speaking is something that's got to be banned! It's not just irritating but showing how you feel inferior about yourself. Isn't it much easier to just introduce yourself and not give them the pre-assuumption that you are not worth the while?
There was this girl in my class who happened to be stuttering while in a presenation about Polygamy. Everyone got intereseted as the topic dictates about Muslim men marrying four wives. But her when she began with, " I'm sorry if my voice is bad, I just had a cold. I'm sorry if my slides are a bit this...and that...." And she spent the whole 15 minutes apologizing her ass off while we didn't wanna hear what she has to say about her report at all.
A girl posted an info in her facebook account saying:
"Nothing's interesting 'bout me.. i'm just a SWEET innocent girl..I love to laugh out loud, though I don’t look like the real thing.I love making people laugh, even if it making a fool of myself.:-D "
She really does look sweet in her profile photo but as she anounced that "nothing's interesting" about her makes you not wanna read whatever it is that she has to say.
Surely, there are a lot of these intros taht you totally know that are not so charming at all. I'll write some if I've encountered more. Til then...:)
Aplogizing before you start speaking is something that's got to be banned! It's not just irritating but showing how you feel inferior about yourself. Isn't it much easier to just introduce yourself and not give them the pre-assuumption that you are not worth the while?
There was this girl in my class who happened to be stuttering while in a presenation about Polygamy. Everyone got intereseted as the topic dictates about Muslim men marrying four wives. But her when she began with, " I'm sorry if my voice is bad, I just had a cold. I'm sorry if my slides are a bit this...and that...." And she spent the whole 15 minutes apologizing her ass off while we didn't wanna hear what she has to say about her report at all.
A girl posted an info in her facebook account saying:
"Nothing's interesting 'bout me.. i'm just a SWEET innocent girl..I love to laugh out loud, though I don’t look like the real thing.I love making people laugh, even if it making a fool of myself.:-D "
She really does look sweet in her profile photo but as she anounced that "nothing's interesting" about her makes you not wanna read whatever it is that she has to say.
Surely, there are a lot of these intros taht you totally know that are not so charming at all. I'll write some if I've encountered more. Til then...:)
Friday, November 6, 2009
stupid signs!
So here's the deal. I was with my friend Hanna in her dorm's empty hall surfing the net and watching Gossip Girl's 3rd season episodes when the I realized it was already adzan. So I told her I'll go to the musolla first to pray, so we can take turn looking after the laptop we're sharing. I just so happen that even if it was my second time going in to her dorm's musolla, I'm still confused where to wudu'. I took the left side from the main door anyway, and since there isn't any sign, I took it as,"oh well, this is a girls' dormitory, anyway," and went in. They have mirrors there now, I thought.
I took my time staring at myself in the mirror when a deep voice cut me from almost reaching for the tap,"uhh, I guess you got it wrong. This is the male's side.." I turned to him in horror. OH MY GOD...my head is screaming in disbelief. "Oh, my bad!" is all I gathered, not wanting to see what was he doing or is he even dressed. I marched back to the door and he went like, "that's no problem," (my ass!).
Lesson learned.
No signs? You're not sure? Don't go in. :)
I took my time staring at myself in the mirror when a deep voice cut me from almost reaching for the tap,"uhh, I guess you got it wrong. This is the male's side.." I turned to him in horror. OH MY GOD...my head is screaming in disbelief. "Oh, my bad!" is all I gathered, not wanting to see what was he doing or is he even dressed. I marched back to the door and he went like, "that's no problem," (my ass!).
Lesson learned.
No signs? You're not sure? Don't go in. :)
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I'm just so tired
Alam mo kung anong talang nakakapagod? Yung sa inaraw-araw na pagod at alala mo sa isang bagay,mapupunta lang sa wala. Yung tipong ginawa mo na ang lahat,di parin sapat.
Yun ang talagang nakakapagod. Di ko na kaya..parang sasabog na ang ulo ko! Napapagod na akong gawin ang lahat tapos hindi rin naman pala bubunga. Gusto ko nang umuwi..kalimutan ang lahat at magsimula sa simula nang walang nakakakilala sakin..
Scary? I'm not even there yet.
Yun ang talagang nakakapagod. Di ko na kaya..parang sasabog na ang ulo ko! Napapagod na akong gawin ang lahat tapos hindi rin naman pala bubunga. Gusto ko nang umuwi..kalimutan ang lahat at magsimula sa simula nang walang nakakakilala sakin..
Scary? I'm not even there yet.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
the big bang theory season 2!
The only one and the most obvious reason why a show goes to another season showing is because it's a freaking hit! Check out "Big Bang Theory Season Two" and I'm telling you, you'll never find yourself dorkier than ever! *laughs*
The story goes around with Sheldon Cooper, Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz and Rajesh Koothrappali, some socially awkward scientists who happened to be friends with the hot girl next door, Penny. The theme is a sitcom about friendship, rejection and pride that was squeezed into a package of dorky wit and sarcasm.
I just love Sheldon Cooper!!!
Do me a favor, please watch it!
The story goes around with Sheldon Cooper, Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz and Rajesh Koothrappali, some socially awkward scientists who happened to be friends with the hot girl next door, Penny. The theme is a sitcom about friendship, rejection and pride that was squeezed into a package of dorky wit and sarcasm.
I just love Sheldon Cooper!!!
Do me a favor, please watch it!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
I'm done with Nilai! yay!
Living in Nilai for some reasons would seem like a horror to all of you considering it's not that of an ideal youthful, urban environment what with all the horrible, abandoned buildings. But believe me, it was a whole lot of an exciting journey. Staying in Malaysia for a year and 8 months now, I've been continuously treasuring every moments. It's not everyday that you bump into an inspiring lecturer or an awesome set of company, ain't it? So might as well, put them on a treasure box that you can lean on when the world says, "you're not my favorite girl anymore!"
For all this time I've been asking myself why God sent me to this sad place. But if I didn't enter UIA in the first place, I would've regretted it. See, when I came to Malaysia on a Christmas eve of 2007, (when everyone was rejoicing about Christmas) I was celebrating for something else: "I'm away, far, far away.." Even if Philippines is just an ocean away, the word "away" sounded for profound, so delicate, so exciting! And yes, I loved the fact that I'm no longer bounded to stay at home with my mom telling me what to do, my sister giggling gossips over the phone, my brother making a mess of my hair and my dad (oh well, I miss my dad) with his lectures. It just feels so different. At the age 16, I was "away", and I kept on repeating it when I was aboard til I fall asleep.
But then, when I woke up from my very own girlish dreams, it wasn't that easy after all. I remembered Spider Man's uncle saying, "With great power, comes big responsibility." That is completely true. Behind all the pleasures from living on my own offers me: the taste of sweet independence and the decisions I need no one to choose for me, there is a big shadow of responsibility that awaits me...chases after me every time the selfish, irrational Olfa conquers me. Through these nightmares, I thought to myself, " I had mom next door asking if I was ok, if her baby girl is doing fine.." Now that I'm all grown up, almost a woman who claims she can do it all, I still cry for every night when I realize Mama is no longer next door and would call me baby girl. (to cheer me up, my dad would say, "honey, we're just a plane ticket away. It's not that far!" with a mocking laugh.)
Back to my point, it's never easy to pack up and tell the world, "I would a big catch one day," because life is not just about butterflies and lollipops. Whoah, don't get me wrong! It's good to be positive but people, think of circumstances after the huge daydream. Then, move your feet step by step and you wouldn't even realize your already there. However, remember the most vital apart, don't forget to look back to where you came from.
I've learn it the hard way, or shall I say the most effective way destiny wants to teach me. After the long day's work, I gathered a whole big pot of knowledge, amazing people I would remember forever, a stronger love for my family and the faith in Allah (which I figured was the hardest to find but the easiest to lose).
Then again, I'm just an 18-year-old girl, happy of hopping to her next level of independence - now with precautions, or course. To all I've shared my precious days in Nilai, it doesn't end just right there, baby. We have 4 more years, inshaallah. God bless! :P
For all this time I've been asking myself why God sent me to this sad place. But if I didn't enter UIA in the first place, I would've regretted it. See, when I came to Malaysia on a Christmas eve of 2007, (when everyone was rejoicing about Christmas) I was celebrating for something else: "I'm away, far, far away.." Even if Philippines is just an ocean away, the word "away" sounded for profound, so delicate, so exciting! And yes, I loved the fact that I'm no longer bounded to stay at home with my mom telling me what to do, my sister giggling gossips over the phone, my brother making a mess of my hair and my dad (oh well, I miss my dad) with his lectures. It just feels so different. At the age 16, I was "away", and I kept on repeating it when I was aboard til I fall asleep.
But then, when I woke up from my very own girlish dreams, it wasn't that easy after all. I remembered Spider Man's uncle saying, "With great power, comes big responsibility." That is completely true. Behind all the pleasures from living on my own offers me: the taste of sweet independence and the decisions I need no one to choose for me, there is a big shadow of responsibility that awaits me...chases after me every time the selfish, irrational Olfa conquers me. Through these nightmares, I thought to myself, " I had mom next door asking if I was ok, if her baby girl is doing fine.." Now that I'm all grown up, almost a woman who claims she can do it all, I still cry for every night when I realize Mama is no longer next door and would call me baby girl. (to cheer me up, my dad would say, "honey, we're just a plane ticket away. It's not that far!" with a mocking laugh.)
Back to my point, it's never easy to pack up and tell the world, "I would a big catch one day," because life is not just about butterflies and lollipops. Whoah, don't get me wrong! It's good to be positive but people, think of circumstances after the huge daydream. Then, move your feet step by step and you wouldn't even realize your already there. However, remember the most vital apart, don't forget to look back to where you came from.
I've learn it the hard way, or shall I say the most effective way destiny wants to teach me. After the long day's work, I gathered a whole big pot of knowledge, amazing people I would remember forever, a stronger love for my family and the faith in Allah (which I figured was the hardest to find but the easiest to lose).
Then again, I'm just an 18-year-old girl, happy of hopping to her next level of independence - now with precautions, or course. To all I've shared my precious days in Nilai, it doesn't end just right there, baby. We have 4 more years, inshaallah. God bless! :P
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
saved by the baju kurung!
Yeah, I was 50 minutes late to class just now and guess what? My lecturer was magically not bothered about it. All she uttered was, "Nice baju kurung! Where did you get that?"
Ok, I admit, that was really random knowing my lecturer never complimented me for anything for the past 4 months of being her student. But today was different. I came late for about 50 minutes to class because of this graduating students briefing session that took 30 minutes of my Math class. And then, I went to my room to pray and get my books that consumed..I don't know, 15 minutes and the last 5 minutes would be the walking since my blessed short legs couldn't get any faster than almost a meter per step. So yeah, I was late, big time! Since it's Math, nobody dares to come late so everyone stared at me in disbelief as I enter the room. Some looked like, "Why did you come? If I were you, I'd rather stay in my room," and "How can you get the lesson if you're this late?"
I didn't care. I went in with my politest 'assalamualaykum' and sat. Phew! The worst is over, I told myself. After class, she looked at my direction which means I really have to tell her why I'm freaking late. I got up and smiled pleasingly, hoping she would believe me because obviuosly, I wouldn't dare to lie in Ramadan. *chuckles* But to my surprise, she's still a woman who loves shoes ands clothes despite of being the strict Math lecturer we know. She went all like, "I like your baju kurung..."
Yeah, I smiled and politely told her my dress' details, but in my head I'm saying, "That was close."
Ok, I admit, that was really random knowing my lecturer never complimented me for anything for the past 4 months of being her student. But today was different. I came late for about 50 minutes to class because of this graduating students briefing session that took 30 minutes of my Math class. And then, I went to my room to pray and get my books that consumed..I don't know, 15 minutes and the last 5 minutes would be the walking since my blessed short legs couldn't get any faster than almost a meter per step. So yeah, I was late, big time! Since it's Math, nobody dares to come late so everyone stared at me in disbelief as I enter the room. Some looked like, "Why did you come? If I were you, I'd rather stay in my room," and "How can you get the lesson if you're this late?"
I didn't care. I went in with my politest 'assalamualaykum' and sat. Phew! The worst is over, I told myself. After class, she looked at my direction which means I really have to tell her why I'm freaking late. I got up and smiled pleasingly, hoping she would believe me because obviuosly, I wouldn't dare to lie in Ramadan. *chuckles* But to my surprise, she's still a woman who loves shoes ands clothes despite of being the strict Math lecturer we know. She went all like, "I like your baju kurung..."
Yeah, I smiled and politely told her my dress' details, but in my head I'm saying, "That was close."
Sunday, September 6, 2009
I realize...
When I got back from my one month and a week holiday in Philippines, my perspective in life changed. Well, I expect a change in the first place, but it didn’t occur to me that it would be bugging until now. I don’t think I’m being “emo” of what’s happening, because if I am, it wouldn’t surely drive me mad yet. So, what I mean by ‘my changed perspective’ is that, I think life is really short. When you’re at high school, when everyone seems to be doing whatever they want as they define it as being alive, you some sort of feel sorry for them, isn’t it? You think that they’re just trying to be cool – in a way yes – but actually, they are one of the wisest people on earth. Why? Simply because they know their existence is just once in a lifetime and that “it’s now or never”, as Bon Jovi defines life. I used to think that there would still be tomorrow for me undo my mistakes and start from scratch. But when I tripped on my own shoes on the second time, I don’t think life is as easy as I thought.
I’m sad about the fact that I’m not doing much on my last year of teenage life. I’m 18 now for goodness sake, and look at me, one of the most insignificant students in CFS who failed twice, yet not learning from her mistakes, and is now worried if she can still score a place in Gombak. I’m stuck in my own faults. Day by day I keep on realizing the things that I should’ve done earlier, like doing my workbook on time, having to choose the right shoe size instead of going for the style – basically, decision making problems. Time passed me by like a wind struck, and there goes my chance. And now, my biggest regret, I should’ve studied smarter if I really want to score to Gombak campus. After these things happened, I didn’t know that regret plays a big role in life. And it means everything if only we ponder on what God really wants us to realize.
God gave us the ability to think for us to choose which way we want to go. You see, that’s the problem with having to choose, it’s too much power. It gives us overwhelming power to get to rule ourselves that leads “big” responsibility. That’s why when god gifted us with brains, we got so flattered that we think carelessly of tomorrow and do anything we desire. But at the end of the day, two things are to be concluded, that our decisions could be either good or bad and whatever happens would always be 90% dependent on how we reacted on the situation. And the best example I could find would be I.
You see, I’m regretting my mistakes and I want to redo it fast as much as I wanted to accomplish a lot in life. What I’m lacking was the message God wanted me to understand. Let me tell you a short story to get into my whole point.
When we had the chance to choose which river we wanted to cross (with a boat. of course) to get to the camp’s summer house, I chose the shortest one because I didn’t want to waste my time just crossing a river. At that time, I felt smart. I mean, why would you want to sweat if you have the choice to spare yourself from it? I summed it up as wise, too, because if I get there faster, I would get to choose the nicest room in the summer house. But I wasn’t wise enough.
Those who chose the long river had more time to think about what they want to do after crossing it. They even had much time exchanging life stories along the way. When they got off the boat, they came beaming at me showing how much they enjoyed the ride. They weren’t even bothered which room they placed in as long as they’re with their best companions. Unlike me, I didn’t really have friends along the way because I was too busy being all competitive and smart. After the whole “sparing-myself-from-sweating” concept, I have nothing but my pretty but empty room. It’s the same as accomplishing nothing at all.
I’m sad about the fact that I’m not doing much on my last year of teenage life. I’m 18 now for goodness sake, and look at me, one of the most insignificant students in CFS who failed twice, yet not learning from her mistakes, and is now worried if she can still score a place in Gombak. I’m stuck in my own faults. Day by day I keep on realizing the things that I should’ve done earlier, like doing my workbook on time, having to choose the right shoe size instead of going for the style – basically, decision making problems. Time passed me by like a wind struck, and there goes my chance. And now, my biggest regret, I should’ve studied smarter if I really want to score to Gombak campus. After these things happened, I didn’t know that regret plays a big role in life. And it means everything if only we ponder on what God really wants us to realize.
God gave us the ability to think for us to choose which way we want to go. You see, that’s the problem with having to choose, it’s too much power. It gives us overwhelming power to get to rule ourselves that leads “big” responsibility. That’s why when god gifted us with brains, we got so flattered that we think carelessly of tomorrow and do anything we desire. But at the end of the day, two things are to be concluded, that our decisions could be either good or bad and whatever happens would always be 90% dependent on how we reacted on the situation. And the best example I could find would be I.
You see, I’m regretting my mistakes and I want to redo it fast as much as I wanted to accomplish a lot in life. What I’m lacking was the message God wanted me to understand. Let me tell you a short story to get into my whole point.
When we had the chance to choose which river we wanted to cross (with a boat. of course) to get to the camp’s summer house, I chose the shortest one because I didn’t want to waste my time just crossing a river. At that time, I felt smart. I mean, why would you want to sweat if you have the choice to spare yourself from it? I summed it up as wise, too, because if I get there faster, I would get to choose the nicest room in the summer house. But I wasn’t wise enough.
Those who chose the long river had more time to think about what they want to do after crossing it. They even had much time exchanging life stories along the way. When they got off the boat, they came beaming at me showing how much they enjoyed the ride. They weren’t even bothered which room they placed in as long as they’re with their best companions. Unlike me, I didn’t really have friends along the way because I was too busy being all competitive and smart. After the whole “sparing-myself-from-sweating” concept, I have nothing but my pretty but empty room. It’s the same as accomplishing nothing at all.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Let's call it a Day
It's statistically proven based on the 2003 survey that 6 out of 10 Malaysians are mentally disturbed, in the other words, psycho. That word might sound harsh but if you were to be me yesterday in the KTM (together with your friends, of course. I won't let you go nuts alone!) that is just a metaphor, I'm telling you.
Let's rewind a bit before running to the "psycho" part. My friends and I have been planning of watching "Fast and Furious" in Mid Valley since last week (why Mid Valley? Because Nilai is just about the end of the world, get it?). But since we got our own lives to run, we never had the chance to watch it last week so we bet yesterday would be the perfect time. We dashed into this cab that takes only 4 people in one go - normally - but we insisted a person more. The Pakcik was kinda pissed off the fifth person but still went on til we reached 100 meters more to the KTM station. Turns out there's a check point in the middle of the road so the third person must get out or else the Pakcik will have to pay 300 bucks. And you what's worse? We didn't see it coming and Niro** had to out of the cab along the highway. The highway. Poor thing. He has to walk all the way by himself to the KTM while the Pakcik meanly took 10 bucks for the 5Th person's charge. Justice here. But since we insisted in the first place, it's still our fault.
We got into the train on time the latest train just arrived. Boredom really kills so we were just reading, listening to music and some are chatting about random stuffs. Then suddenly, (oh yeah here goes the "psychotic loser's part") there's this man with a laptop-less, laptop bag sitting after the next aisle bellowing really loudly over the phone like he owns the whole place. Me and Sandy** were laughing our head off, but then he quickly turned to our direction. We shut up for a while and then he started asking us weird questions that are not even related to him bellowing loudly, like "Why don't you let your hair out?" or "Why are you covering? You're limiting your beauty!" and some other crap like that. At first we were just laughing at the fact that he wasn't mad because we mocked him. He turned his head to our direction again, but you can't really see where he's looking exactly 'cause his wearing shades. He kept on bugging and lecturing the people near him about some stuffs I can't get, well, I don't wanna get it, anyway. I'm surprised with the amount of patience the public is giving him. If it was in my country, they would have pop him off his seat like nobody's business. My God, I always have to remind myself that I'm in a different country.
Anyways, he moved on to his trustworthy phone since nobody is giving a damn to whatever he wanna say, clearly. He bellowed loudly over the phone again, but this time we figured out he was just calling people's attention and that he was just pretending to be talking with someone on the other line. What a bloody loser?! And yes, we laughed again with the precautions of not offending him. But this time, he got up about a meter away from us, pointing at Mary's** face:
"You are so black that even if I turn off the lights, I wouldn't see you!". What a statement. Man, he just opened a pocket full of joy and a civil war, too.
Mary: "Excuse me?" Trust me, she got used to this kind of pranks but hey, it's not funny even if, so she tries her best to be polite somehow.
The psychotic loser: "I said, you're a black woman who covers her hair and that you can't be seen in the dark!"
What the eff? HE.IS.NOT.MAKING.ANY.SENSE.PERIOD.
Oh yeah, I know what you're thinking. Lord, I wish it's halal to murder somebody right now. But it's not so wise of us to literally kill him on the spot. I mean, we're underage and then we'll be in prison, our education is at stake, we'll be a shame for UIA, etc. But we can also kill him after outside, though. It's just that finding a hiding place for his body..lying to everyone..hiding from the police and so on, would actually take more than a week to plan. Good grief, I couldn't believe we had more patience than we thought we had that the loser just got a slap of shit out of his face. We were yelling chorus to whatever he say. He screams, we scream. He points, we point. He doesn't make sense, well, that's the difference because we surely do make sense and that's the bottom line of the whole crap. He dances like Barney the purple dinosaur while insulting us thinking we are insulted, whereas actually he is just wearing off the dignity out of himself.
I feel sorry for him...NOT!
He stood near the train door unaware of his death. The mixture of glares and grins of the people on the train seems to be colliding to the conclusion that this man has to leave in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And he left. Smart of him to think that we no longer love his presence.
Mitch** took a video of it. Oh yes, we love treasuring memories. We concluded his just probably a discouraged public speaker, or his wife left him, or he haven't eaten for months (which is unlikely since he's roundly healthy), or he's drunk (even if it's just 12am)..but the thing is, he calls himself a lawyer. Wow. This requires too much of thinking. Or maybe, just maybe, he's just one of those 6 out of 10 mentally disturbed Malaysians? God knows.
MORAL LESSON:
Never mess up with a man bellowing over the phone. Oh well, what a day.
Let's rewind a bit before running to the "psycho" part. My friends and I have been planning of watching "Fast and Furious" in Mid Valley since last week (why Mid Valley? Because Nilai is just about the end of the world, get it?). But since we got our own lives to run, we never had the chance to watch it last week so we bet yesterday would be the perfect time. We dashed into this cab that takes only 4 people in one go - normally - but we insisted a person more. The Pakcik was kinda pissed off the fifth person but still went on til we reached 100 meters more to the KTM station. Turns out there's a check point in the middle of the road so the third person must get out or else the Pakcik will have to pay 300 bucks. And you what's worse? We didn't see it coming and Niro** had to out of the cab along the highway. The highway. Poor thing. He has to walk all the way by himself to the KTM while the Pakcik meanly took 10 bucks for the 5Th person's charge. Justice here. But since we insisted in the first place, it's still our fault.
We got into the train on time the latest train just arrived. Boredom really kills so we were just reading, listening to music and some are chatting about random stuffs. Then suddenly, (oh yeah here goes the "psychotic loser's part") there's this man with a laptop-less, laptop bag sitting after the next aisle bellowing really loudly over the phone like he owns the whole place. Me and Sandy** were laughing our head off, but then he quickly turned to our direction. We shut up for a while and then he started asking us weird questions that are not even related to him bellowing loudly, like "Why don't you let your hair out?" or "Why are you covering? You're limiting your beauty!" and some other crap like that. At first we were just laughing at the fact that he wasn't mad because we mocked him. He turned his head to our direction again, but you can't really see where he's looking exactly 'cause his wearing shades. He kept on bugging and lecturing the people near him about some stuffs I can't get, well, I don't wanna get it, anyway. I'm surprised with the amount of patience the public is giving him. If it was in my country, they would have pop him off his seat like nobody's business. My God, I always have to remind myself that I'm in a different country.
Anyways, he moved on to his trustworthy phone since nobody is giving a damn to whatever he wanna say, clearly. He bellowed loudly over the phone again, but this time we figured out he was just calling people's attention and that he was just pretending to be talking with someone on the other line. What a bloody loser?! And yes, we laughed again with the precautions of not offending him. But this time, he got up about a meter away from us, pointing at Mary's** face:
"You are so black that even if I turn off the lights, I wouldn't see you!". What a statement. Man, he just opened a pocket full of joy and a civil war, too.
Mary: "Excuse me?" Trust me, she got used to this kind of pranks but hey, it's not funny even if, so she tries her best to be polite somehow.
The psychotic loser: "I said, you're a black woman who covers her hair and that you can't be seen in the dark!"
What the eff? HE.IS.NOT.MAKING.ANY.SENSE.PERIOD.
Oh yeah, I know what you're thinking. Lord, I wish it's halal to murder somebody right now. But it's not so wise of us to literally kill him on the spot. I mean, we're underage and then we'll be in prison, our education is at stake, we'll be a shame for UIA, etc. But we can also kill him after outside, though. It's just that finding a hiding place for his body..lying to everyone..hiding from the police and so on, would actually take more than a week to plan. Good grief, I couldn't believe we had more patience than we thought we had that the loser just got a slap of shit out of his face. We were yelling chorus to whatever he say. He screams, we scream. He points, we point. He doesn't make sense, well, that's the difference because we surely do make sense and that's the bottom line of the whole crap. He dances like Barney the purple dinosaur while insulting us thinking we are insulted, whereas actually he is just wearing off the dignity out of himself.
I feel sorry for him...NOT!
He stood near the train door unaware of his death. The mixture of glares and grins of the people on the train seems to be colliding to the conclusion that this man has to leave in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And he left. Smart of him to think that we no longer love his presence.
Mitch** took a video of it. Oh yes, we love treasuring memories. We concluded his just probably a discouraged public speaker, or his wife left him, or he haven't eaten for months (which is unlikely since he's roundly healthy), or he's drunk (even if it's just 12am)..but the thing is, he calls himself a lawyer. Wow. This requires too much of thinking. Or maybe, just maybe, he's just one of those 6 out of 10 mentally disturbed Malaysians? God knows.
MORAL LESSON:
Never mess up with a man bellowing over the phone. Oh well, what a day.
Monday, April 6, 2009
the annoying chain: attraction - friendship - love
have you ever wondered why a guy who got attracted to a girl usually end up being friends with her and soon takes the risk of confessing his love? Typical, I know. But the point is, I'm drowned in this typical, yet annoying chain that made think that I should've just stand aside in the very beginning..and now look, I'm drowning.
Love moves in mysterious ways. And so I believed before that I wouldn't fall for this guy, I know, "is not my type". He was a long-time friend of a common friend of mine and yeah..we're just connected because of that. But then we got to talk on the day of his birthday which I've never known til he told me. Only God knows how we never stopped seeing each other after that and talking for almost everyday..it's not an obsession, though. I enjoyed his company and the rest of other common friends we have and soon, it became like a tradition for us (or sometimes, with the rest of the gang) to eat dinner together in the nearby cafe' and chat til the curfew strikes. He's really nice, I have to say. I think that's one of his charms that got us along so well. There are even times when I got bored to hang-out with my old friends when he's not invited in the occasion, and always find myself going back to my room earlier. It's just weird..but NO! He's my friend! Intimacy between us is just so wrong. And that's why I'm writing this blog, that the chain of "attraction - friendship - love", is just about the most annoying theory in the world.
Last night, he called me for a dinner together with our three other guy and two girl friends. We had a big laugh together and talked a lot about all sorts of stuffs we can imagine. It was around 30 minutes before our curfew when Anna** stared at me for a while when I was in the middle of telling "the-guy-who-is not-my-type" something about class. I was intimidated so I said, "yeah?" Then, she went like, "Nothing..it's just that, I'm thinking why don't you guys give it a try?"
Yeah, it was out of the blue, where-the-hell-did-that-came-from motion and everyone suddenly burst out laughing. Anna** wasn't entertained, she frowned.
Anna: "What's up?"
The-guy-who-is-not-my-type: "Dude, it's like saying Niro** would date Lara**! That's sick." (FYI: Lara** and Niro** are really close, school friends and the thought of them dating is just basically a bad joke.)
Awkward silence...then,
Me: "Exactly!" which I don't know why I said that because a part of my brain is telling me, I'm not expecting him to say that.
And yet, Anna** is still not contented. She pressed the topic to the extent that she asked me and him if we're single and I said yeah, but he was just laughing at the directness of the question and said, he's double. Which is funny but not in a ha-ha way for Anna**. She gripped his arm and went like, "Do I look like I'm joking?" And so, he confessed he's single. She gave me her nasty grin, but when she was about to talk, Allan cut her: "Leave them alone. If I were to read her (me) mind..she's been effing you off her head right now, and not only that, she's even thinking of murdering you before you go to bed tonight, and you know what's worse? you wouldn't die but..." yeah..no need for the whole detail of his cutting statement but the point is, Anna** shut up. And the table was left with awkward silence for 2 seconds and yeah, it's already curfew.
When I got back in to my room, he texted me for being happy of having an awesome dinner. I smiled on my own and replied, "Yeah, it was fun except for Anna's** sick joke!" Guess what? He deflected the message and went to sleep.
The conclusion is, when we got attracted to someone our opposite sex, it would be easier for us to talk to them just because we liked them. And then, friendship arises. And then.........yeah, tendency is the issue of wanting more than that, Love.
Guys and girls, be careful of taking the risk. The question is, "should I take the risk?" Let's see...
That's all for now, ciao!
Love moves in mysterious ways. And so I believed before that I wouldn't fall for this guy, I know, "is not my type". He was a long-time friend of a common friend of mine and yeah..we're just connected because of that. But then we got to talk on the day of his birthday which I've never known til he told me. Only God knows how we never stopped seeing each other after that and talking for almost everyday..it's not an obsession, though. I enjoyed his company and the rest of other common friends we have and soon, it became like a tradition for us (or sometimes, with the rest of the gang) to eat dinner together in the nearby cafe' and chat til the curfew strikes. He's really nice, I have to say. I think that's one of his charms that got us along so well. There are even times when I got bored to hang-out with my old friends when he's not invited in the occasion, and always find myself going back to my room earlier. It's just weird..but NO! He's my friend! Intimacy between us is just so wrong. And that's why I'm writing this blog, that the chain of "attraction - friendship - love", is just about the most annoying theory in the world.
Last night, he called me for a dinner together with our three other guy and two girl friends. We had a big laugh together and talked a lot about all sorts of stuffs we can imagine. It was around 30 minutes before our curfew when Anna** stared at me for a while when I was in the middle of telling "the-guy-who-is not-my-type" something about class. I was intimidated so I said, "yeah?" Then, she went like, "Nothing..it's just that, I'm thinking why don't you guys give it a try?"
Yeah, it was out of the blue, where-the-hell-did-that-came-from motion and everyone suddenly burst out laughing. Anna** wasn't entertained, she frowned.
Anna: "What's up?"
The-guy-who-is-not-my-type: "Dude, it's like saying Niro** would date Lara**! That's sick." (FYI: Lara** and Niro** are really close, school friends and the thought of them dating is just basically a bad joke.)
Awkward silence...then,
Me: "Exactly!" which I don't know why I said that because a part of my brain is telling me, I'm not expecting him to say that.
And yet, Anna** is still not contented. She pressed the topic to the extent that she asked me and him if we're single and I said yeah, but he was just laughing at the directness of the question and said, he's double. Which is funny but not in a ha-ha way for Anna**. She gripped his arm and went like, "Do I look like I'm joking?" And so, he confessed he's single. She gave me her nasty grin, but when she was about to talk, Allan cut her: "Leave them alone. If I were to read her (me) mind..she's been effing you off her head right now, and not only that, she's even thinking of murdering you before you go to bed tonight, and you know what's worse? you wouldn't die but..." yeah..no need for the whole detail of his cutting statement but the point is, Anna** shut up. And the table was left with awkward silence for 2 seconds and yeah, it's already curfew.
When I got back in to my room, he texted me for being happy of having an awesome dinner. I smiled on my own and replied, "Yeah, it was fun except for Anna's** sick joke!" Guess what? He deflected the message and went to sleep.
The conclusion is, when we got attracted to someone our opposite sex, it would be easier for us to talk to them just because we liked them. And then, friendship arises. And then.........yeah, tendency is the issue of wanting more than that, Love.
Guys and girls, be careful of taking the risk. The question is, "should I take the risk?" Let's see...
That's all for now, ciao!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
L change the world!
After so many months, I'm back again. *holy lights please* This sem is awful for me because I'll have to stay for one more sem in Nilai just because they're not offering the course I wanna take. How annoying can they get? As I was dying to leave this place, the more God would love me to stay. Well, in the religious perspective, God has plans for me and that He still wants me to get something good from Nilai that I until now, I haven't realise. Sure, there must have been reasons why I still have to stay in this stinky place..but how long I have to wait for it to be realised is a big, "I DUNO!"
On the brighter side, I'm welcome to sit-in in this class of roughly, 10 girls and 9 guys of BTQ. Yeah..i know I've done this course in my 1st sem but the depressing room of mine makes me more sad, and the need to go out is really life saving..and so, i joined the class. I know most of the people in that class which made it easier for me sit-in, otherwise, I'll be bored.
My first day was a mixture of confusion and embarrassment as Sam failed to realise it was Shazna's notes Irfan was handling not mine and aggressively went like:
"Hey..Olfa! You gave him your BTQ notes and your asking for my Math notes, but you didn't give me yours?!"
What?
Man, I'm confused if he wants my BTQ notes or my Math notes but the point is, he never ask for any of them. What is he yelling about? And so, I just end up hanging in the air trying to comprehend a really bad English.
The room was filled with gasps as the lecturer came in with his brief case, wearing a long tie and a tiny curl in front of his not-so wide forehead. Yeah..it's Bro Bel**! *laughs* He's been popular with girls from the HS programme because of his neat-looking-over-sized suit and his hot English accent. I wouldn't deny I fancy him, well, not in a perverted way, of course. But hey, he's cute, right? Oh please I need Sean and Miecha with me..they'll agree for sure! *giggles* Now I know how they felt when they told me his "smoky hot"..well, it's kind of gross..but yeah, I agreed he made me starstruck! (OMG, I can't believe I'm complimenting a 26-year-old lecturer like this...)
I cannot register for his class, unfortunately because I did good in that class last time and adding my points from his class wouldn't really help my marks. But still, I'm sitting-in for the sake of his "Hidayah". *laughs*
Friday, January 16, 2009
lazing around..
Exams are done and I'm just simply hanging around in my room listening to loud echoes of Russian words, I could never compete from speaking plain English. Things has been quite fast this semester and my parents can barely wait for me going home. God, I was having this group discussion in the library with my Economics classmates when my sister rang me just to ask if I got her a Malay comic book already. And my brother on the other hand is having PMS. Well, yeah..it's so wrong to describe him that way but he's really grumpy these days that when Hanie passed the phone to him, he just quickly mumbled stuffs over the phone without hearing me say anything. Rude much? Well, I understand engineering is not that easy, but por pabor, you don't wanna be old in this early age, right?
Anyways, Midterm is done and I've been expecting crazy assignments and frustrating deadlines soon. Yeah, I know, the life of a student. Sad, huh? *sob*
This blog is getting really boring - I can feel it - and I don't know when this would be updated again but this won't be the last update, I swear - if laziness won't conquer me! *laughs*
Anyways, Midterm is done and I've been expecting crazy assignments and frustrating deadlines soon. Yeah, I know, the life of a student. Sad, huh? *sob*
This blog is getting really boring - I can feel it - and I don't know when this would be updated again but this won't be the last update, I swear - if laziness won't conquer me! *laughs*
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